Judge — December 2, 1882 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. with a bouquet, and then they started once more on thelr wanderings. It was a muddy day; the streets of portion of the city through which > our friends were traveling were in thi T state that New Y streets delight in after a few hours’ rain, Uncle Josh + was constantly craning bis bead out of the hack window, to a look atu eights. Whilst doing #0, a passing express-wagon floundered through a sort of lake of black mud and spattered Uncle Josh to such an ex- tent that the purity of bis shirt-front, over which Liza had spent so many patient momenta, was entirely de- stroyed. What was to be done? To drive back and get at bis valise would entail too much time. “Hold on,” eried the General, “I'M fix you! and almost, as if by magic, the hack drew up in front of Messra. Rogers, Peet & Prince street ow, although le Josh was a New farmer, he was very particu especially shirts, corner of Broadway and ngland F about his underclothing, das he entered this store he weral bis want of confidence in this whispered to the venture. * You wait and see,” he replied, and certainly in a very few minutes Uncle Josh admitted he had never been so well fitted, or had possessed so well-made ® in bis life. Then they inspected the clothing d partment, and Unele Josh fitted himself out, and that upon terms that surprised him; for not only was every z well-made and cheap, but Uncle Josh, to his tonishment, found that all thes es were guaran tee], and that this was the only house that agreed to take back what was unsuitable, ill-made, or did not fit. + When they were out in the air on the silewalk, tho General gravely remarked that he supposed Uncle Jc to buy a baby carriage next Just so." said the old man, facing round in the middle of the sidewalk and the list, “1 got one down bere, artic b would want Y again produc where kin w “Get one!” roared the General —1 do you want with a baby- + Well, General, ye see,” rep his head, “there's poor Mrs, Smithers she's lost ber husband, ty poor. She's got a little one just toddlin’ and another in arms; she’s weak and tick, poor thing, and Liza she th u 6 young ones out to bi the poor mother we The Gene into his eyes as “why, what the arriage?” the old man, shaking nid she's ght a carriage to athe the aie and help . and #0—and so — ped hishand, whilst a moisture came e said “* Come on, Josh, we'll take the hack to Crandall’s on Third avenue, between Thirty- seventh and Thirty-eizhth streets; that’sthe best place «1 God bless your kind Leart ;" and so they went, and the poor widow was made happy ‘Then Uncle Josh made his way down to the Welling Ivors Manufacturing Com- pang, 251 Center St., and bought a set of billiard and pool balls, to say nothing of a pair of ivory-back brushes and a mirror as a present to the minister and his wife, the like of which are only tobe got there, at a price and with a finish about them that the most skeptical cannot cavil at. Then came the time when the inner man once more re- quired refreshment, and these two old cronies aid they bottle of Ross's Royal Belfast Gin ger Ale, imported from Belfast in Ireland, so much as upon this occesion. In fact, so merry became Uncle Josh that nothing would piease him but that they and their hack should be photographed as a reminiscence. ‘Away therefore they sped to 17 Union Square, where Mr. Rockwood with his instant- aneous process committed them to paper for a mere song. That picture was the Joy of Uncle Josh's heart. Just about this time, the tad General had great difficalts in keeping Uncle Josh from purchasing at least a ton of candy for bis friends down ‘The only thing that hail never enjoyer deterred bim was that the General informed him that this would be useless expense, as he, the General, had jast got some unequaled in the world from C. PF. Gunther, the far-famed confectioner, of 78 Madison street, Chicago, that be waa welcome to, So at last the G jued his point upon condition that he would t Josh into oue of those drug stores whose wi illuminated and radiating with ditfer- ent colors, se ed ike @ palace of different-bued ery tals. So the hack was stopped just as the electric ts were being lit at the corner of Twenty-fourth reet and Madison Square, and Unele Josh got down with his list in bis hand ready for battle. As be went into the store he whispered to the General, “Liza told mo whatever 1 did to be sure not forget the Jamaica ginger.” “But whose Jamaica ginger t” in quired the General. Lonly know of one which is par ex- cellence the best!" Which is that!” he asked. “Fred C. Browne's, of Philadelphia,” replied the General, with a staro which conveyed to the poor far mer that his ignorance was perceptible. ‘All right, General, go abead; I want » many things bere. Liza faid no one could do without them, and here's the list. Firat here, *Sapolio,” Liza says it eaves time, labor, and mouey—and you'd say so if you seen my house. Why, you can't see a speck anywhere where wo uses it; it just cleans paint as slick as nothing; then, too, you can use it for everything. You see, General, if I don't know ‘bout Jimaky ginger, Idors know Yout Sap. you bet. Joe,he made some lines about it. Here they be: The toarus, the Bear the stout 1m) apollo” dedant as any queen slomestic atmart and clean, ng her war cry sunlit and heea— Sap How's that for high “Then, Mary, she water, and— “Some what nts some Duchess smellin cried the General replied Uncle Josb, pointing to his list t cologne, yoa mean, Duchess Colon And Liza's right there; that isn't to bo beat, Go ahead, anyth more‘ General, let's go to cinner, and after dinner I must write to Liza, or she'll be scared. I ain't a good penman, but they does say as any one can write with Esterbrook’s pens. Where can I get som “ You'll get Esterbrook’s in John street on our way back. Anyway, those are the only pens fit to uso daya. You can write as fist agal they last longer.” And now the ‘k rattles along over the uneven thoroughfare of the great city, jolting and jostling the General and Uncle Josh a; another, until the electric light in Union Square throws out in bold relief the facade of the U1 Square Hotel, that hospitable, handsome, cheery hostelrie pre- sided over by Mr. Dam and his sons. The hack draws up at the entrance to the restanrant, and Uncle Josh's numerous parcels are sent up to his room, for he has determined to make this his head-quarters. His rea- sons for so doing are various. “I likes to see all the famous men who stop here,” says Uncle Josh. “I likes a drop of that red wine as Uncle Dam's got called Burgundy. I likes the look of the waiter’s face when I goes in to order dinner, for it makes me always hungry, and then T always gets what T wants at any time.” When Uncle Josh woke up next morning the san was whining brightly. As he turned over to ring his bell the old man gave a groan of pain. * Jcewillikins !" he exclaimed, propping himself up on bis pillows, “Liza told me so; I've got it agin, sure. Blame the rheamatics ! Ugh!” Just then the bell-boy answered his summons. ‘Say, young man, roa go down to the clerk and tell bim I'm laid up with rheumatics and with them, and can’t more; if he's a Christian, he'll send and git me something. Ugh! Ob! Ab !* groaned poor Uncle Josh. “T knows what to get, sir,” replied the attendant “we've cured lots of guests with the same stuff. TM y itright away,” and he vanished, leaving Uncle Josh to iudule in more bad lang a he had ¢ some time. In a few moments be 1 bottle containing the much required re it 4s, sir, got it close by St. Jacob's Oil; there's the directions; in a short time you'll be all right;" and curiously enouzh, iu a couple of hours, ja: General made his appearance, Uocle Josh was able to get up and commence his toilet. “T guess it was that red wine,” growled Uucle Josh, as he rummaged in his valise for collars and cut! “Why! I do think Liza forgot collars and cuffs Well, bere’s a go.” “Hold on, Josh!” exclaimed the General, “TM tix that, and if you never had a you'll never wear anything elae,” and with that he the bell. When the attendant answered the sum- mons the General directed him to go out and buy B. Cluett’s Bro. & Co.’ crown make collars and culls; and when they arrived, Uncle Josh swore that he had hever worn anything 60 comfortable or well fitting be- fore. His toilet completed, the friends went down to breakfast, and as Uncle Josh looked out of the w dow be perceived the hackinan with his team, awaiti his orders for the day. Whilst discussing breakfa Unela Josh appeared preoccupied, so much 0 that the General inquired the re | “Waal!” he said, slowly stirring his ; don't like this attack of rheumatics I've They get Worse and worse every time. Last year I wan laid up for four months, and I got tired of life. Ye see, I coulda't eit nor lie, nor stand, not get into a comfortable position, There wasn’t a couch or a chair in the house I could get any comfort out of. Lordy bow I used to squirm—and now, although this stutt 1 took seems to Lave straightened me up a bit, yet I'm feared.” “Well, you get finished, and T guess we'll get into the hack and tote round abit. 1 think I can recom: mend something to you. What do you ay toa chair that you can put into tifty different positions, 80 as to make a chair, or a lounge, or a bed, and that a child can fix? “Why, that would be a help, G get euch a chair?” eral. Where can I “Well, if you've done breakfast, well drite round, and you can try it—the proof of the pudding, you know.” And as soon as they had finished their Lreakfast the hack was once more pat in motion and took them to 850 Broadway, to the Marks A. F. Chair Company. Here Unclo Josh tally tested this truly adjastablo | chiles, ‘Never was:an Invention pat to's eerarer leu: | tor Uncle Josh was stil sutfering pain in almost every joint, but no matter in wbat position he placed him elf, the chair was immediately adjusted to it eo as to give comfort and ease, As they left Mr. Marks’ storo a strong north-east wind sprung up that made Unclo Jost iu. Winter's a comin aned to the General; * we'll soon be ha Teo! a "ho added, fart list, whieh extracted from his pocket, he commenced “Here itis!” be exclaimed, putting bis fla- ron an item. ‘Skates! Where can I yet a good | pair of skates, Genet “Well,” replied the General, “I've tried every kind, bere, there and everywhere, but last year I struck the best. You just send a postal to Peck & snyder, Nas- sau Street, New York, and you'll get just the thing The boys tell me they beat every sort Uiey ever bad. anand wince perusing ‘And now, Uncle Josh, do you mind asking me about a plano? You said as how it was time Mary had some- comicbooks.com