Judge — November 25, 1882 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD RESOLUTIONS, “OR A NICE YOUNG GIRL'S CONFESSION \ No! I don't eat bit For this modern Fre fidantes think th: I've bad "bout enough Of the yellow-backed stuff Since I went to hear Moody and sankey (My ec ou kn “Dama pe | Gaboriau.” (And nicer feuilletonis And the you And bis elde gift of No! I don't care a "Su Who ts getting to be An awful bad “Boi The bad books of * George Sands * L will take with both bands, Jatp them all ‘tween the bars of my grate ‘Those of * Octave Feuille Likewise“ Alphon Shail all meet with a simila; The Rival Undertakers. Canker and Doran kept rival undertaking | establishments next door to each other, and, | being thus closely located, it is but reason. | able to suppose they were not on any speak- ing or otherwise agreeable mutual terms. | Both were tolerably good-looking ba and consequently were objects of interest to all the matrimonially-inclined maidens in their neighborhood. | But cach were at the same time paying spe- | cial affectionate addresses to a couple of young. ladies employed in an umbrella factor ated directly across the stores. The names ¢ were respectively Mar bella Smith. Both were pretty, winsome girls, but, simi- | lar to their lovers, at bitter loggerheads with each other. Mary Ann each other chelors, » Situ street from their these favored parties Ann Jones and A ul Arabella sat and worked by in the factory; so one gloomy TYPES OF AMERICAN BEAUTY. | cager -YOLORYE AN? Bourn Gon / morning, when their lovers, the rival under- takers, were fearfully despondent over the lack of ‘stiff to freeze amd lay oat, t door of the factory was saddenly opened by an employee dd Madge Maley, who eri out, in a pathetie voice, to a ham of hers “Oh, Sue, poor E ‘The moznent the wo pceline is dead!” 1 dead” was uttered Mary Ann and Arabella instantly dropped their work, and, hurriedly downing their hats and shawls, rushed down the ii each striving to reaching Uv ments, and comm the other in king establish. te to thei r favorite undert nic r respective lovers U nws of a death, Carker n’s separate undertaki wagon, with refrigerators, chopped i chandeliers, sperm candles and camp-stoc were soon ins re althot to the dead knew the name, destination or residence of the alr cipitately announced deceased party. ‘The vast number of ot inployees in the factory, construing the sudden, unexplained fight of Mary Ann and Arabella to their discovery of a fire, immediately created a panie by hastily evacuating the buildir crying out “Fire! Fire ! "Their cries of Fire” having reached the street, countless ehureh bells rang out a loud alar ady pres “ and hook and ladder companies, and. thousands of people to the scene tened by the approach of the pufling reengines, both Carker and Doran's hor kicked themselves out of their harness, and an away from the wagons to which they were hitched, Essaying to catch the runaw rival undertakers collid in the man! they cr the |, and while engaged ly art of thumping each other, mutually exposed, by their verbal re- minations, many of the “rotten board" and dyed cotton cloth casket covering arcana of their melancholy profession. In striving to separate their belligerent lovers, Mary Ann and Arabella got involved in a face-seratching, hair-pulling contest them- selves, y horse which brought various fire-engines, | NUTTIN’ LIKE DER MONDERIN IMPROVEMENTS PUROTER MAKE A SHOW. Afters fenin; veral hours of confusion, quarreling, cries of Fire,” and so forth, the ause of all the disturbance was ascer- tained. The party + tr angeline ™ announced “dead” by the factory employee, xe Maley, to her chuin,” was none oth the beautiful heroine of an inte y published in THe Ars Ciair. as being Mai thay at THE HALBANY FEMALE “SEMINARY, Norember 1, 18 Will you please take me away, it is just horrid here? Why did you take Rev. Mr, Snook's and Rev I believe they Mr. shanks’ re amet ion ? commission for every girl sent here. © situated in an old bell-foundry. Soine one has addet an E, and, on rainy slays, the sign comes ont plain I feel disgraced every time I walk out. And just opposite us is a horrid stable Whea we complainel to Rev It, he said, 1 guess if oar Lord was co torn ina stable, | yor can stand that one across the strect. There Is hanily a looking-glass iu this place, and we have to comb our hair by the stoves, which a polished (I wish I could say as much fo | Skimper). The walls of our (80 called) Dining-Re e lined with pictures of horrid reptiles, which t away all relish for food. tof us with Na Miss Goose (Gruce) says it is al History; but t wting much. do atlng much, for Ihave never seen prevent 0% think rot alls belly © coarse for anything. keeps saying 1 know how dearest cbt us so sweetly to Knew we were subjectel to siology sh II the time, mamma would ery, wh say if sh these things The I was sitting in my window crying (for I ery a great deal. here), and my bandkerchief dropped. A young gentleman in the street below picked it up. And just for that, Ol) Goos { was flirting, andy ss ablomen other ays Please take me home. Don't come by boat. Take te fast train, Lovii Your Newuie. —constcvi Wuen a violent wind blows the tiles off the roof of a house, it turns them into projectiles, naturally, comicbooks.com 4 wae awe 4