Judge — October 21, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. RESURRECTION. Ture was when, in their righteous indignation, The people “bounced " a gang of boary knaves, And boped by that grand wholesale expurgation ‘o bury them forever in thelr graves ; nt no; We may not have that consolation; ‘The hope we thus once nourished now seems vain, And many signs there be to cause the nation ‘o think the times are out of joint again, Fair Jersey tirst be y ‘The work which never ought to have been done, ay of madn And Robes Mis reco And, the He, law with shameful st ft us sea: As in making Vermont—small mother of For Jersey's Oliver hath quic Digs up ab and y found; law Toland, J -d ‘neath the ground, ‘Lill small voice from Indiana, ‘on some wayward Western breeze, That he who slipped on Ames’ C. M. banana Should resurrected be as well as these. 3 deep bui Why not? Should not we have our greatest smiler To ornament once more the Speaker's chair? To leave him out —there being no beguiler— Out in the cold—methinks would not be fair t x, Belknap, from your ashes springing— , Williams—all y Let's be more your noble vi Let’s bave the old hands af on dec! rw Tamme. WE notice in some of the daily journals that various persons dispute about the time when the Brooklyn Bridge was begun, ‘Tue JUDGE finds no assurance in any of the claims that any person now living can decide this knotty point. That the bridge is older than the pyramids no patriotic American will for a moment permit a doubt. However, it must be conceded that it must not claim to be older than the Sphinx, Susan B, Anthony, or Char- ley Backus’ last joke. There-are several old documents which pretend to throw some light ‘on the subject of the birth of the bridge; but they are of little consequence. It will, we believe, be a great day when, twenty centu- ries hence, some ingenious philosopher, look- ing at the two enormous piers over the place in which ages will have dried up the river, shall discover, to the delight of his contempo- raries, that the piles of masonry were once intended for a bridge. Ir makes all the difference where you are when you do a thing. In Ircland, Mr. Henry George was locked up for making himselt too numerous in matters in which, as an Ameri- can citizen, he had no possible concern, In New York he is banqueted at Delmonico’s, presumably for the same reason. Another ation of the same thing is furnished by in class of our naturalized citizens, asant, Who most strenuously ob- jected to paying rent in “the onld dart,” may become comparatively wealthy bere, either owing to the peculiar features of our local politics, or by his industry and application to the retail liquor trade. When, in the course of time, he acquires some real estate, or runs atenement-house, he suddenly alters his views as to the rents question, and exacts his own with exemplary punctuality. Sawpusr is now used very extensively in some parts of Scotland for manufacturing pur- poses. Even in this country sawdust is used in the useful and domestic arts to a very great extent, It lines mattresses and chairs, It is put on bar-room floors so as to break the fall. It is soaked in tannin, and sold for tea. It is used by some of the dramatic belles to give a moist, dried-apple outline to the limbs. It is used in frying oysters to give thera the proper dried horse-blanket flavor. It is 1 on our breakfast tables with watered milk, and is called oatmeal mush. In fact, sawdust is one of the most useful of American yege- table productions. z A youne Harvard student was showing his sister through his rooms, when he heard a loud knock at the door, Thinking it was one of his rackety “chums,” he told his sister to step behind the window curtains while he got the intruder off the premises. On opening the door, however, he found a gray-haired old gentleman confronting him, who, after intro ducing himself, informed our friend that he had occupied these very rooms as a young man, and after an absence of a quarter of a century, wished once more to look round and sce what changes had been made. He enter- ed and looked round eagerly.‘ Why, you've got the same old carpet,” he exclaimed, ‘and the same old table. The same old furniture in the bedroom. The same old curtains,” walking up to them and discovering the blushing maiden behind. ‘Ah!! and the same old story.” ‘‘ Butit’s —my sister,” stam- mered the youth, ‘*Sly dog,” responded the ancient. *‘ The very same old excuse.” A New York paper employed a new para- graphist recently, but he was discharged at the expiration of the first week. During the entire six days he never once got off a * wit- ty” paragraph on Boston beans, or the im- mensity of the Chicago girls’ pedals. We don’t see how a paragraphist could be so derelict of his duty; and yet some editor: instead of discharging him, would have doubled his salary, A PHILADELPHIA clergyman, in a sermon on fashion, alluded to those ‘incompre- hensible huddles of finery now worn by all ladies of fashion.” Next day a young lady of that city—a graduate of Vassar, ‘tis said— called at a millinery emporium, and asked to be shown the very latest style of “incompre- hensible huddl When the attendant looked at her interrogatively, she said she didn’t know what an incomprehensible hud- die was, “ but,” she explained, our minister 8 they are worn by all fashionable ladies, nd I must have one. In making an excavation at Marksville, the other day, a petrified man was found, and when lifted out of the earth his body broke in half. It was enough to kill him! Tue cadets at West Point, among other things, ‘are taught to respect authority and to speak the truth.” Teaching them to speak the truth unfits them for Congress, of course, but we think the scheme is a good one, nev- ertheless, ek Hoperut, with pardonable curi- mma, how old was I when I was der ditto, with scathing contempt: ge-driver on a mail route in Arizona signed. Masked robbers have filled him so full of bullets that he intends to le: himself to parties who have been prospecting for a lead mine, WitnovT a sewing-machine home is a shift- less place. You won't needle an opera-g}: to collar the idea, SUMMERBREEZE says marriage is ameans of grace, because it led him to repentance, A Murr holds a girl's hands, but it don't squeeze them, That is the reason they calla shy fellow a muff. AN illiterate party suffering from malaria sent the following note to the druggist, written thus: ‘‘i be mad sic, fele like bitin’ eferry one kums neer me wit the feevur i got, cend Icetle canine, an’ ile chuck it down at once.” The druggist, believing the note was penned by a maniac in a state of hydro- phobiac frenzy, immediately telephoned to the captain of the police and city physician to take charge of the dangerous sufferer. On reaching the latter's house, the oflicials, after shackling the patient hand and foot, ascertained that he was only suffering from an attack of chills and fever, incident to ma- laria, but the orthography of his note to the druggist read “canine” for “ quinine,” and other symptoms were written and spelled in terms conveying the existence of hydrophobia, We are a singular people, and Tar JupGe is glad of it. Any one can be imitative, but very few can strike out an originally eccentric line of conduct for themselves, and consistently change it with the infinite variety of a kaleido- scope. Look at what we are doing now, for instance. We, a nation of fifty millions of people, who invented poker and improved on faro, have forbidden, by the example of our greatest city, a ten-dollar bet on a horse-race. Is not this straining at a gnat and swallowing acamel? Are we all imbeciles in the eyes of our governors, legislators, and more or less spiritual pastors and masters, that we cannot be trusted to enjoy the excitement imparted by having a pecuniary interest in that noblest of all sports, horse-racing. THE JUDGE con- siders it highly proper that indiscriminate pool-selling should be checked by the law, for that forms a temptation for boys and people who cannot afford to lose—or to win—a few dollars. But some of us are twenty-one, and ‘a few of us have cut our wisdom tecth, and if men of integrity and standing in the commu- nity can afford to go down to Jerome Park, y the requisite admission, look at a good and risk a trifle on the result, THE JUDGE fails to see that it is any one’s business but their own. Get down to business, ye moral scavengers of Crosby's cohorts, and sce if you cannot find nearer home any nuisances that stand in far greater need of abatement than any that engage your attention on our ra tracks, comicbooks.com