Judge — July 22, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Two Remarkable Lights o’ Gotham, Tur, way was half an English mile, And, alert and ever keen, 1 brightly, n winds soft blew, Where rosy piping grew. ‘Oh, tem y piping, if we had only known That your owner kept a bull-dog, we would not now be minus the basement of our pantaloons! 1876. The day was pretty frosty, The thermometer was lo ‘As two old fossils wearily Strode o'er the baking snow; Tre day seemed very dreary, ‘Their hearts seemed made of wood— For standing far behind them ‘Two famous houses* stood. “Oh, I will never live in the White House now, I know And you, my sympathetic Charles, will bav along without the torship!” YOUN E. MCANN. to worry * White House and New York Castom-Honse. OUR POPULAR FARCES, OUR FISHING EXCURSIONS IN THREE SC REPORTED BY “ED.” CHARACTERS: Ma. Merrorouis Wattox = = = Mr. Rorat Baer = + + + + Scexe Finst.—Ojice of Mx. Metrorotis Wattos. ter Mr. Renat Barter. Baiter.—Mello, old boy. Walton.—Mello. Baiter.—What time do you close up? Walton. —At thre Baiter.—Gow. Jv Watton.—For what? Baiter.—To cateh the train. Walton.—My dear fellow, you are speaking in enig- mas, To what train do you refer? Take a seat. (Mk. Barrer accepts seat. Fans himself rigorously with his hat. Ardent Fisherman, Friend of Abore. En- in time. Baiter.—1 want you to catch the four o'clock train with Watton.—What for? Baiter (gleefully).— Fishin; Walton. —What sort of ts Baiter (contidentially).— upon the banks of the Walton, —Yea. Baiter.—Ot course I do not pretend that it is the residence of a millionaire. Our conservatory is limited to three cabbages and a couple of verbenas; and the only place we possess to put a lawn-tennis set, if w owned one, which we don't, is upon the roof of our house. Yet right in front of us rolls the salty billows of the Sound; and talk about fis Watton. —Many of them? Baiter.—Many! The waves are crowded out by them. Last Friday I went fishing—just weat by my- self for a little while, quietly dangted my line over a rock, you know. What do you suppose I caught? ramps? sense ow I havea cottage Toside of thirty-five minutes 1 eight Dlue-fish, seven black-fish, two dox- fish, a rubber boat, and a wholo family of spider crabs, Bet if I had staid there ten minutes longer I would have secured a porpoise. Saw a whole schoo! of them upon the horizon. Now I know you are fond of fishing. Walton.—Yes. Baiter.—You will even, after your dally toil is over, go ont erstwhile upon some secluded dock in the East caught | down at G THE JUDGE. ever else the wal Walton. —Yes. Baiter.—Then if, as you have already"confes are s0 fond of piseatorial sport, why not come up with me to-night and stay over to Walton (hesitating).—Really, 1 Urgent business, you know. Baiter.—Urgent business be hanged. Come along Bribe your office-boy to swear that you are sick. Got chucked out of a carriage or something. Walton (yielding). —Any Dlack-fish ? Baiter.—Now you are talking! Black-fsh! Why, we use black-tish for fertilizing purposes. A raged boy with a whip-stock, part of a clothes-line, and half of a bent croquet arch, can catch a barrel of black-fish in a half holiday. And be can sleep half of the time too. Black-fish ! Why, Walton, they are so numerical that there ain't room in the Sound for half of them. Every bigh tide leaves a thousand or so upon the the beach, literally crowded out, Walton.—And flounders ? Paiter.—Flounders! They are as plentiful as. flies about a butter plate in August. Old Captain Small. malket Point—Gemalket Point is but a step or 80 from my cottage—catches at least a barrelfull every day. He boils them down for their oil. Ifhe don't catch at least three on his hook every time he pulls up, he growls, and considers himself a mach-abused man, rs may yield up to you. morrow t ud not ought to go. Walton. —1—I gness Tl go. Baiter.—Got You bet you will! All an old suit and a couple of hogsheads. .—What on earth do T want of hogsheads ? -To put the fish in, Come to think, if we are going out for all day, I don't really believe two will be enough. Better send up four. (Mr. Watto és cajoled. Brings enough fishing tackle for the wholeoutfit of an excursion steamer to the Cholera Banks, and accompanies home, which home being situated upon the New York and New Haven Raitroad, is reached, the distance you want is Mr. Barrer up | being about twenty miles, after the usual daily acci dent, inside of four hours. Scexe Stcosp.—Ecterior of Mn. Batter’s: cottd Me. Barter and Mr. Wattoy discorered returning home from fishing excursion. Baiter (cheerfully).—Ain't we had a nice time t Watton (impressitely).— ! Baiter.—Why, what ails you? Walton.—A nice time! Oh, yes, we Aare had ani time. A few more nice times like Ire had would pat me beneath the cold, clammy sod. Baiter (surprised),—Didu't you enjoy yourself? Walton.—Enjoy myself—certainly. Never had much fan in my fife, Wouldn't have missed it for the Got upset out of the boat, fell down a whole 1 one side of my face up, was nearly e: lost my meer- schaum pipe, was caught in a shower, hat blew off. ob, I enjoved myself, ly when that big fiddle- crab [had for bait got a hold of my thamb, Baiter.—Vshaw! You must not mind such trifles. Just think of the fish we caught. Walton.—What we caught? 1 will own you did catch a couple of porgies and a brace of eels, while | what did I catch? Baiter (reflectively).—You—you caught a—a—a— Watton (indignantly). —Guess it wasan a. All that T caught was a horseshoe, an old tin can, and | a blasted cold. Mr. Baiter, although you are a friend of mine, I must candidly express my opinion that of all | frauds, fishing excursions sequesters the pine-apple. {Scexr Timen.—Mr. Wattoy’s office. discovered reriting to his wife at ) (Extract from letter.) ana. Mx, Wattox “port. “Dear Sue * ** Wednesday I went flshing with our friend Mr. Baiter, We hada splendid time, and our enjoyment was unmarred. We had splendid tuck, too. My finny trophies were fully a barrel of Black- fish, sereral baskets of bass, not to speak of a mis cellaneous array of eels, flounters, wh {evrrat.] comicbooks.com