Judge — July 8, 1882 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i t (eSB of four goo little boys, who ne read anything more exciting than Sunday-school Loo ‘as they stood while waiting for their ma to buy their summer hats OUR POPULAR FARCES. OUR EXCURSIONS. REPORTED BY “ED.” Canactens Exeurtionist, Manager ms. Excursion Rune ner, Captain of Ei amer, Mate, First First Rough. s Rough. PROLOGU Advertisement in daily newspaper. HO! POR FRESH arn: Heaurn Reetonen ay Satty BRerzes! Take the celebrated steamer" RYE AND Rock" from the foot of West 1003 street, every day at three o'clock, for ROCKAWAY. BEACH. PALATIAL AccommopaTioss SUPER SckYERY Tur Acwe oF ExorMEST, Srectal, Pouce Urox THe Rost, > Rowpytsy. Special care taken of women and children. For a quiet y excarsion, nanght can be hetter than a trip to Long sea-girt shores ria the celebrated steamer * RYE AND t f Rock. SceNn Frnt. Foot of West 1008 street, Enter Excursion tet who has read the adtrertisenuent. EXCURSIONINT bee holds a farn of Bowery Boys, accompanied by their girls, Excumsiontt falters, Is caught onto by MANAGER OF Tur Exc Manage fir. Right this way for Rock- away Beach. Here you are direct tot -ahore with the first families Runner.—Correct. Only boat safe for Rockaway. Go upon any other and you will never get bi Only line not taken by people who are desirous of com: mitting suicide. The“ Rye anid Rock” is warranted not to break down, tear up, or be ran into, Patron: Wed by all of the blueblood; no Knickerbocker ever went to Rockaway on any other route. Step right aboard. Excunstowtst does #0. Not more than fifty or sity others are trying to get down a narrow gang-plank which might possibly accommodate fice, EXCURSONIST is pushed ‘and pulled and thrust. Only by good luck does he excape being jostled overboard. As he reaches the steamer deck | és caught hold of by the CAPTAIN. Captain.—What dyer mean? Excursionist (fiercely). —Mean what? Captain, —What did yer push for? Excursionist —Me push? Captain. Vea Captain.—Ver lie. 1 saw yer push. Yer pushed yer know it, Excursionist (feelly).—Push! How could 1 help t pushing. Everybody else was pushing me. You ight to get another gang-plank. [Dance by Cartats; pantomine of wild amazement. Captain—Ah, Tg her gang-plank! Oh, certainly. I'l got a whole plank waik for your especial accommodation. I'll buy the East River bridge and lay it from wharf to boat so that you can pelestrianate all to yourself, You onght to hire a boat, you ought [Scene closes by Excurstonist being dance inside hy the Captain, ant accidentally, or perhaps premeditat- edly, caromed gently into the water-bharrel, from which he emerges, especially in the rear, a mascn- Scexe SRCOND.—Deck of steamboat, EXcurstoxist upon forward deck, smoking a fieecent cigar, for which he has paid a quarter. Approach Mate. Mate.—Stan’ one side. Excursionist.—What fort Mate.—None yer business. Stan’ one side. Goin’ toland, W take up the whole deck? [Excerstostet retreats, Stands to one side as far as possible. Approach First and Srcoxp Deck-Haxos with ropes. First Deck-Hand.—Get out der way Second Deck» Hand. (Exccrstosist fries to. Finst Drck-Haxp throws the hauser to the pier at which they are about to land. Misses, of course, for the deck-hand upon an excur- sion steamer who ever dil strike it right the first time would be worthy of beiny handed doven waenty to fame by Madame Toussaud. Draws up the har ser with a jerk, and catches Excursiosist upon the head. As the haneser is all wet and the EXcuRsioN~ ist all Light suit, joy of the Excurstoxist can be con jectured readily. out der way! First Deck-Hand.—Didn't tell you? Sccowt Deck-Hand.Serves you right ® Tuinp.—Upper deck of the * Rye and Rock.” XcURsIONIST, having partially recorered from his haveser bath, is trying to find solace by gazing ab~ In front of him are tio fine specimens of New York's lower strata, accompanied by a young lady of equally distinguis el social standing. Finst Rovatt, for the amuse- ment probably of the young lady, throws pea-nut shells at ExcuRsiosisr. stractedly at the passing scener| Excursionist (mildly). —Beg First Rough.—Hey Excursionist.—Those pea-nut shells are bitting me. First Rough.—Wot uv itt) Whe're yout Ifyou don't like being hit with pea-nut shells jump overboard Guess Tl trow pea-nut shells w Excursionist.—But— First Rough.—Nono wy 3 don, sir: but— Dat’s right, Petey. Give it ter the duifer. Til stop his slack derned quick if I we Owns the boat, don't he? Excursionist.—1 did not mean any harm. First Rough.—Yer didn't? Den who did? S'pose yer mean to insinuate dat f did. All right; 1'll just about sweep der spray olf the deck wid you (First Row ceeds to put his threat into execution. EXCURSIOSIsT is user! to com the deck with, to the great delight of ably assisted Ly Stcoxp Rovan, prow the Rovan's female companion. Finally Serctat. Pouicemay arrives. Special P.—Here, hey, what's all this about ? [Rocans pause, First Rovant looks up at Sreciat P. First Rough.—Hello, Pada Special P.—Mello, Petey, what's the matter ? First Rough.—Duffer insulted my girl. Was jist suing wid him. Excursionist.—It's a lie, ‘They wero thre nut shells at me, and [ remonstrated, They both of them assaulted me. Second Rongh.—TTain't so, Paddy, It's jest as Petey gave it out. He's a m he is, and wants to sit for one. All we did anyway was to thump him in the nose. Excursionist.—Officer, it was as I told you. It Shut up. I koow you, You're a noto: t these gentlemen did not Gra ist by the collar. Waltzes him down into the hold, clubbing him for exercise Ly the say. Excerstostst is conflued in that charming summer retreat below decks till the boat returns to New York, is then ha cies of the First Ward ten days, besides a severe reprimand from the Jus- purt and gets {everais) A GOOD SUGGESTION, Os a recent day of the races at Jerome Park, a Celtic street-cleaner, observing a would-be swell driving a spavined, halfdead-looking horse, and manipulating, @ la Vanderbilt, Bonner and other ‘bosses ” of the turf, cried outtohim: ‘ Hould ant Misthur Shport, I want to giv yez a bit iv advoice, Iv yez manes to git that poor bashte iv yours a repu- tashun afore yev yanked the haporth 0° breath an’ bones he’s left out iv ‘im, jist halt forninst some convanient cop, an’ broibe him to arrist ye fur fasht dri We are requested to insert the following ad- vertisement, D. IL, aint cheerfully comply: Lost, Straven, on Sto.eN—The New York County Democracy. Any one giving information as to its whereabouts will be liberally rewarded by applying to Honrer 0. Tioxrsox, Commissioner of Public Works, comicbooks.com