Judge — July 1, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How They Advertise Now. For wild romancing, paralyzing exagge tion, dime-novel picturesqueness, and weird | word-painting, the circus advertisement has long been without a pecr. The ingenious art- ist from whose brain it is evolved is probably not aware that his laurels are in danger of be- ing wrested from him by the newspaper an- nouncements of the enterprising, goabead- ative business merchant. The latter's adver- tisement is full of gas-meter suggestiveness and ostentatious simplicity, and runs about as follows: DON'T BE SWINDLED! THE ONLY STORE IN THE CITY WHERE ALLY GIVEN AWAY, AND MONEY REVENDED Iv NOT AS REPRESESTED! SARE ACTU First, we desire to call your attention to our silh We have $900,000 worth on hand. Weare selling them this week 75 per cent, less than you pail us last week, This is 50 cent. less than they cost us. You may won- der how we make money by this mode of ness. Wedon't make money. We are I sands of dollars every day. By dolng this our patrons save money, and we make a b: x. That is all ing busi thou. e livi we ask, We have 25 00 thousand parasols wh cost us four dollars a piece. We are selling them at $2.50 each in onler to make room for a new importation whi cost us still more, and which will be sold still Our rivala in business wonder how we do it, In ladies’ summer dress goods our pri that our customers naturally infer tha dishonestly. 3 are 80 low tL we obtained fact is we purchased thes », in the early days of the di e prices were two hundred per cent. be- ke money on them if we to give them away, and throw ina corset or two Although manufactured in 1872, these goods ;sned expressly for this season, and are there- goods ten years panic, when t low cost, and we could to boot were dh fore the very latest style Our Oriental lace is all gone, and there is no more in market, but we shall have a new stock of the sa kind of goods ia a few ¢ igns that beggar de- scription, and at prices t We hav ts a yard th iy in desi at almost beggar us. 700,000 yards of flannel. It cost us 25 we have adopted the motto, * Quick and small profits,” and will close itout at 15 cents yard. Ifyou prefer, you can go elsewhere and pay nl for the very same kind of goods. Yo say you can't see how we do it, Well, we do it by act- Ing are” with all concerned. Oar Paris sare marvels of cheapness. They called Paris Novelties because they are manufac- tured in New Jersoy, These goods are 80 scarce ani expensive that we find it impossible to sell them at less than ten per cent. below cost. While we are about it we might as well mention that are losing money very rapidly by selling a seventy five cent fan for fifteen cents, By having a million of these fans manufactured at one time they only cost us twenty cents a plece, hence we can afford to sell them at fifteen cents, because a nimble sixpenceis better than a dilatory shilling, and our sole object Is to satisty our customers. N. B.—We want to dispose of $100,000 worth of silk stockings for $30,000. The motto “to live and let live” induces us to make this g eaable our customers to save mon thing for a rainy day, Drop in some morning, and look at our one-dollar silk handkerchief for twenty-five cents, ty-tlve cents for a silk pocket hi for twenty-five cents, and clear transaction, is a on the 84 ritlee, and up some- To pay seven- chief, and s nl per cent, on th jece of ledgerdemain unknown out- side of our own establishment Our eight-dollar-a-week clerks will be pleased to see Fou, and show you all the goods in the store, whether you purchase or not Beware of pickpockets. Joxas MoveyMaxen, THE JUDGE. Draw Poker in Little Africa. “Dis yer quirl aruz out’n a game ob dror pokah, Yo" Onah,” said the elder of three darkies who were arraigned in the Jefferson rket Police Court for disturbing the peace; wuz fi cent ante and a quarter limi Schuyler Jackson dealed de keards. I drord one, Liberty Green two, and Jackson stud ‘pat.’ "Twnz my aidge and Liberty Green's | fust say. Green done bet a quarter; Jacksor, him, an’ I riz Jackson. We kep’ up dat sin’ till dar was ‘bout "leben dollars in de pot. Green done put up fo’ porn tickets as kerlaterul, bein’ ded busted, an’ axed a show fur his money. Den Jackson called it. Green Jade down an ace hi dimun’ flush; I shode up fo’ kings an’ an ace, an’ reached fo’ de sugah, | wen Schuyler Jackson scooped it an’ flung down fo’ aces and a king. Foh de Lord I kan’t swear who struck de fust blo’, but dar wuz a hullsale fite a goin’ on wen de p'lee men came in.” “You are each fined ten dollars for dis- orderly conduct,” Justice Smith said. “We n't cash de chips, Yo’ Onah—de bauk’s broke,” the old man replied, as he pre- ceded his companions to the jail. Dots Governor Cornell remember the prom- he made to Harry Hill just before the elec- tion in 1879? If he docs not we can refresh his memory. About this sea on of the year—and more especially this year—is a good time to inves- tigate Governor Cornell, in order to discover the size of his heart. Politicians, take notice. Tur JupcE would like to see the man who will say to William R. Grace, as he leaves the Mayor's office on January 1, 1883, “ Good- bye, and God bless you!” How many members of the delegation from this county to the Legislature of last winter your hands, gentlemen. We fear that Mr. ‘Thurber is handicapped in the good work of exposing legislators, and that all the facts will not reach the light of day. have returned with unsoiled hands? Show | “ Here, you give memy rabbit what Ijust kille | ton tts, and shall be pleas (Not Mr, Dog knoves himeeyf.) | —— | When Mr. F. B. Thurber at the anti-mo: nopoly meeting in Cooper Institute on Fri- night, read his report of the doings of the New York County members of the Legislature, why did he not give us more interesting facts? | He is certainly in possession of them. Why were some of the Tammany mem! of the Legislature forgotten in Mr. Thurby report of legislative rascality? How many members of the Legislature who were poor when they went to Albany came back with suflicient greenbacks to enable them to buy desirable real estate? Does any one know? War has broken out again between the homeopath and the alopath doctors. Really we can’t see what they want to quarrel about. atients, what does it matter to them which “school” they are killed by 7 WHIFFS WITH CORRESPONDENTS. | P.W, P—Where might you be? Jony E, MeC,—We willuse It In good season, “TRatxox Roy.'"—Your poem ts beautiful, We have em: valmed It rather than give tt to cold type. W, CUNNINGHAM." What does * back-capp pleaser? Putting @ percussion cap on the ont it? Miss C, Il. T.—We have placed your name on our subserip. to Wear from you whenever feel tke It, Jouy Poux.—" Dean Jepok: 1 don’t ike the was soa treat thinese question, What are we todo with them any was ¥ Joho, jadging from your handwriting, we think most any one of them could give you valuable instruc ve art of phy. That would be put to at all events C. M. BALDWIN.—" Now, be serious for once; who was the author of— “The rose Is red, the violt's blue, ‘The pink Is pretty, and s0 a1 Ihave a cartosity In nding out the truth." Lo remember rightly. It was 00 account of his fin is supposed to be his first rhyme, written at the age of seven. B, Wescorr.—Your pen-and.ink sketches are all very weil for amateurish doings, and possibly may interest your Mends s you say they do, bat they are of very old and very bad wood-cnts, used per you were horn, You will have to send something origival before we ca Fatiiltics, Dut unless sou are & native of Ohio, we would advise sou never to think of becoming a comic artist A Bsron, ifwe and SEND, name and adan for cook book, free. $1,000 RENARD £¢,8 pertuze lite Rea O00 necisss Coroase Tete lanta; also The World's Pair, and w. the world for pungency, strength, art delicacy of odor. It ts made of Ottar of Roses and French Flowel Cragin & Co,, Philadelphia, Pa., comicbooks.com