Judge — July 1, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SCENE IN THE ELEVATED-AT ANY STATION. The old cocoon, who never knows his getting-off place until the train is just about to start, then ke makes a | break to get off, regardless of hats and feet. OUR POPULAR FARCES. | up in one corner, mutely requesting to be sent to the Pound. OUR PUBLIC MENAGERIES. snes Nativ REPORTED BY “ED.” Are they Polar bears ? .—I should blush, The finest Polar bears in the world, too, Europe acknowl- | edges herself clean knocked out by those Polar Citanactens: bears. Why, when a crowned head visits VierrOnsFROWA ROAD New York, the first thing he is taken to sce Native New Yorxen, | oF those bears, | Visitor.—Don't he leave New York the next Se | day? But see, somebody is spitting upon the Native New Yorker (proudly)—Here, sit, | yoo, a epg oe ee) ee Bennie Cy 5, a Native (indignantly).—Spitting ! Those are tions, | Free menagerie, choicest specimens of | yo ets ofice-water which, during the summer, all the animals and birds upon the earth. | are kept constantly squirting upon the bears Why, we have at least tueolimerstt species tokeep them cool. We spare no expense upon of woodpeckers in the bird cage, and the | thoso hears; they get fed at least twice a | Wood:pecker is a very rare bird. Look at) month when the appropriation holds out. | this cage. Yes, sir, they are the most remarkable bears | [Visitor looks, Beholds a sad, gummycyed | upon record. animal with a back covered with sores and | Visitor,—'They look it. By the way, what one or two shreds of hair, is that overgrown, bedraggled rooster, with Visitor. —What is it? a bald head, doing in that cage? Native.—Don't you know? Native (horrified).—That is not a rooster. Visitor,—Indeed, I don't, Except that it | It is a bald-headed American eagle. Doesn't —Central Park Menagerie. must be alive, for I think I see its tail move. | he look real nice? Nati at is our celebrated bu , | Visitor.—I must say that I do not admire the terror of the pla He's one of our Em- | his looks, He looks dirty. pire C gre Me was found in| —Nativ He has not been washed to-da | Central Park when it was first laid out, and | That makes a lot of difference, you know. By it is believed that he walked all of the way | and by his keeper will come along and play a from the Great American Desert on purp hose upon him. You will be perfectly sur- to get into this menagerie. Been here prised to note how nice and clean he will look since, indorsed by press, pulpit and public, | then, and—— Oh, hurry up, or you will miss Ain't he a fine sight ? | one of the grandest sights of your life. Visitor (hesitatingly).—Very, but ain't he Visitor. —What? old enough to get killed ? Nati -The seal is coming out. Native.—Get killed! Why, sir, the person | Visitor.—Out of what? who kills that buffalo will strike a blow at the heart of New York. Come along, and | (yisttor is dragged along toa sort of inclosed view the rest of the curiosities, See, hereare | pathtud, with a platform at one end. A the Polar bears. big crowd surrounds the cage. Presentlya (Visitor looks, Sees a big cage with what dark object emerges from the water and appear tobe two saddened Spitz dogs shrunk | crarels upon the platform. Rapturous ap- Native.—The water, of course. Hurry. plause from the crowd, Dark object gets scared and disappears. Crowd breaks up. Visitor.—That was a muskrat, was it not? Native.—That, sir, was not. Itwas our 5 And to think that I had forgotten-—— itor.—Forgotten what? fy buns, Visitor.—Buns. Whatdo you want of buns? Native.—To throw to the seal. We all bring buns to throw to the seal. Of course he never cats them, but still we have the pleasure of throwing them. Visitor.—Look at that poor little cat. Native (looking in direction indicated).— Poor little cat, ch? If ever he got out, he'd make a ruin out of you—tear bone and flesh V Nativ apart. Visitor. —Why? Nati our North American wild cat. Most ferocious beast of his size ever created. Tore the sleeve off of a child who tried to tease (Visttor walks boldly up to the cage and says: “Pu J cious North American wild cat arches its purrs softly, and comes up to lick the hand.) Native (hauling him away).—For Weaven's sake come away; what are you thinking of? Visitor.—Thinking that he's nothing but a poor old feline waif. Any other animals around here? tive.— Lots ; but most of them are away with shows. You see the city of New York keeps all of the circus men’s animals free during the winter, when the circus men don't wantthem, Nobody ever goes to the Central Park menagerie in winter, but still the animals are there if they want to look at them. By the way, you haven't seen our last addition, our gray squirrel. Visitor.—But gi ro, squirrels are very com mon. They can be seen in any country place. Native (proudly).—But not gray squirrels like ours. ile is the finest product of his race, Actually, he can walk around in wheel. (Looks at his watch). Butreally, we must go, and we have not even scen the English sparrows, or the alligator, or the ea, of canary birds, Sorry. (Both move off towards the entrance.) Native.—Now, really, old fellow, don't you think our menagerie is great ? Visitor (bluntly).—No, I don't. Native (aghast).—Well, what do you think of it? Visitor (exploding).—I think that it is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated upon New York tax-payers, and a disgrace to the city. The idea of appropriating fifteen thousand dollars yearly to keep alot of old, rickety, totally useless beasts and birds in a halfstarved, hideous, dirty condition! But I suppose it is your Park Comm [Curt ioners. alls as NATIVE faints.) Covtp Gov. Cornell adopt some of the hearty, genial ways of President Arthur, there might yet be a hope that some one could say in all sincerity that he had been treated at least civilly, if not cordially, by the governor. comicbooks.com