Judge — June 24, 1882 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME SOLOMON. Never sit down on an upright pin, as it is liable to make a very startling impression on you, Never try to discover if you are color-blind by examining too closely the shades on the hind legs of a mule. Never laugh over heartily while doubting the tenacity of your false teeth to your gums, Never worry for “tone” or society while | you are flush in pocket, as money and the lack of it are the great elevators and levelers in this world. ee: Never make fun of your unpaid laundress, asshe may give youa fatal “rub,” or “wring” you forever out of her favor. Never shake an old, time-tried friend, as you may suddenly need him on some occasion to relieve you from the friendship of your new | devotee: | Never court over two widows at a time, as a surplus of sweet relies are apt to sour on a fit of musical abstraction, begin to whistle in church, as you may bring the man with the collection plate around to your seat. Don't place too much dependence on the man with the “ever sol voice” and extended “paw,” as he is liable to prove an expensive FICTION. iend” in the long run, = Seid us ‘ “teak” in the ship that brought you safely ness to boys. His temper got the better of | ATENT hold-back ” is mentioned in a | OY _ him, and he blurted out, ‘Is this St. Peters- | scientific paper. It should be attached to —— burg, and am I craving an audience with the | Congress when that body gets in one of its | A erry paper advertises: “ For adoption— Czar?” violent appropriation spells, When they re- | A healthy child, five months old, accustot “This,” replied the young man, with a | solve to legislate for the good of the coun- | to the bottle.” What a thrilling text for a scornful look, “is the office of the gres try, then a patent go-ahead would be desirable. | temperance lecturer! ‘The fact, however, that newspaper on earth, the New York Hurruld, — the little wretch is “healthy,” despite his and don’t you forget it.” Way should a brewer be pitied? Beeause | fondness for the bottle, destroys the force of Then the young man touched an electric | he frequently has a “sour mash” on hand. — | the text somewhat. bell, the bouncer appeared, and the old and | respected citizen was hustled into the street. He stopped for a moment in Hudout’s to get a ~ alate = soda, and was nudged by a young man - y MOUNTAL prematurely gray, who wore a sandy | mustache, and who had light blue eyes, ‘The old citizen gave went to his feelings, that he wondered how long he might waited, and how terribly he might have been insulted had he asked to see Mr. J don Bennett. Then the young man eyes took the citizen through the entire build- ing, from the press room in the basement to the composing room in the skies, and everybody who saw him bowed until their noses touched the floor. The old citizen pinched himself to see whether he was dreaming, and finding that | he was awake said that he could scarcely realize that any man could go through the | Herald building so easily, and be so respect: | fally received. The young man quietly said, | “Tam the only man in this wide, wide world that the whelps in this establishment fear or re. spect. My name is James Gordon Bennett.” It is said that “lady drummers” beat the male article. It isthe duty of a ‘drummer ” é Uy to “beat,” but she should not beat a male. re Vy unless he is her husband and deserves it. comicbooks.com