Judge — May 13, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THREE HALTS ON THE JOURNEY Benedick, OF LIFE. Father. ‘CTWAS EVER THUS.” ‘As [sit in my sunlit chamber, Entranced by the morn’s fresh rays, Addressing the charms of fair nature In poesy’s own aweet ways, Oft has been my reverie broken (Ab, T'd binder the breach if T could) By the voice of my dad up the stairway, Yelling, Jake, come an’ aplit this yer wood!” Our Irish friend of the London Telegraph has written a poem for us on the idea of the Milesian soul. We greatly fear that owing to the lightness of our friend's vernal fancy he is tripping his measures on a Cork soul. A MAN who began a lawsuit in New York State nineteen years ago, and kept it up in some shape or other until the other day, sud- denly died; and now it is to be hoped that the plaintiff as well as the defendant rests. Tux guileless youth, with fazzy chin, Likewise the sweet exquisite, Takes all the auto-albums “in,” And writes his name at every visit, A Lonpon medical journal believes that pots of flowers and plants in sleeping rooms will give sleepers bad dreams. It is the gen- eral belief, however, that if a man doesn’t mistake the plants for a sauerkraut lunch when he comes home late from a banquet, his dreams will be no more frightful than usual. THE enthusiastic ‘‘ promoter” rather put his foot in it when he remarked that the busi- ness enterprise he had in hand was ‘‘as safe as a bank.” Ir it be true, as is stated, that R. B. Hayes has actually contributed $250 (or $2.50, as the case may be) to the Garfield Monument Fund, Tre Jopce will withdraw a bit of dog- gerel recently published, and allow the ex- President to remain ‘‘as you were.” ‘THE most troublesome thing John Kelly has about him: His character. Ove would have hardly supposed Mr. John Kelly likely to have been buried in a watery grave, but Mr. Waterbury appears to have got ‘the clutch” on him at last, with no stray straws floating in the immediate vicinity. Wues lovely woman, all through folly, Finds, too late, her charms decay, How sad is then her melancholy, How can she e'er be blithe and gay? The only ort wherewith to cover Tier faded looks from every eye, And win anew her recreant lover, Is first to paint and then to dye. He who lights his candle at both ends spills grease. FortiFiep water: A glass of grog. PECULIARLY a Scotch fish: A Mac-Kerel. Prop. who don’t suffer in the long run: Theatrical managers. SuHIPHERD complains that Blaine attempted to assassinate his character! Shipherd should first be made to prove whether or not he has any character to assassinate. A TEXAS EPITAPH, Hene lie the bones of Thomas J. Prior, A villainons rascal and notorious liar, Who in Iife got his living by thieving and lying— With a fie in his mouth e’en while he lay dying, Determined To the last, as it doth now appear, In death aa in life, to be still lying here. ApaM was an unlucky man in one particu- lar, at least: He had no opportunity of studying genealogy. Gray had a Retiring Bill”; If not dead, ‘tis living still; Where is Grant’s “ Retiring Bill?” BLEssep are the shirt-makers, for they shall receive fifteen cents apiece for their labor. TuE biggest thing on ice: The profit. Susan B. , _ Anthony, she, Takes no great stock in Arthur P, Manxy men of many mines: Sharon, Floyd, Mackey & Co. TWO LOVING SOULS, He gazed into her lustrous eyes, he pressed her lily hand, While murm’ring words unto her ear that only gods command. Yet, all in vain, she answered not, but gave a kine-like hum, Till, finally, half-choked, she gasped, “My mouth's chuck full o* gum!” AVERAGE weight of a fool: A simple ton. comicbooks.com