Judge — May 6, 1882 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. CONCERNING BROWN. AN AFRICA “Do I know Brown?”—Brown of Galva? Well, stranger, I should smile. Ihave had the luck to meet him, And won't forget it for awhile. 2 Gone on a mission South Pacific isle? MISSION. It was where the southern zephyrs Murmur through the Afric trees, And the gay and festive tiger Drops hia tail before the breeze, That I canght the lurking fragance Of some loose limburger cheese. And I climbed to the top of the hill And peeped moat cautiously down, Hoping it might prove a * mission,” Or, at best, some nigger town; But ‘twas only the camp of a dozen, And the mid.le one was Brown. So I parted the tangled bushes, And rapidly crept on through, Then raised my voice in greeting With America’s How-dy-do?” Brown looked up and calmly asked, “Dew ye chance ter have a chew?” Then we traveled on together (We were both on mission work), And when it comes to preaching I tell you Brown's no shirk. He'd talk for fourteen hours, And make the niggers work! So on wo went until the autumn, When all the earth was fair, Then [ awoke one morning. With never a nigger there; And Brown—the ornery galoot!— Had stripped me clean and bare, Yes, sir, they'd skinned me, And left mo dry and flat. verything?” Oh, no, si ‘ot quite so bad as that. You see, it was dark in the jungle, And Brown overlooked my hat. And you asked me if I knew him— Do you wonder that I'd smile? For the costume I came home in Was not exactly On, when will a ship be sailing For that South Pacific isle? GEO, R PARRISH. What's In a Name. An observant person has noticed that the name of some great person bestowed upon a child frequently inclines its new possessor to follow in the footsteps of its illustrious name- sake, and he presents the name of General Winfield Scott Hancock as one of several illustrations confirming his theory. We have frequently noticed the peculiar result of nam- ing a child. For instance, Napoleon Bona- parte Browne is now engaged in the oyster business, and recently wagered $100 that he could husk more bivalves in one hour than any other oyster artist in the profession. Ben- jamin Franklin Simpson is head cook on a steamboat, and signs his name with a cross. George Washington Joughnes hurried off to One of the party in the abore picture has a rife at home awaiting his coming; the gentle reailer perhaps can tell which one it is? and all he knows about farming is ejecting “dead beats” from his saloon. Robert Burns Smythe drives a street car, and abhors poetry. Daniel Webster Wilkins parts his hair in the middle, wears a single-barreled eye-glass, and a shallow-crowned hat, and intersperses his conversation with a prod- igality of ‘‘aws,” and Miss Mary Walker Delancey was the most fashionably and ex- pensively attired young lady at Saratoga last summer. Many more illustrations might be given, but these are sufficient to show that a child’s baptismal name has much to do with shaping the course of its future life. A SUBJECT to be pitted: The small-pox pa- tient. Curtous fact that, at a recent horse race, a thief carried off the prize. Mrs, Foce insists upon it that she would never wear a wig, and expresses an inten- tion of dye-ing first. ‘Tue Fitz-John Porter didn't pop after all. GENERAL INCOMPETENCY at present holds a high position in the U. S. House of Represent- atives. ReMmaRKep Mr. Speaker Keifer, as he de- scended from the presiding chair the other day, ‘‘This confusion fairly makes my head swim.” ‘*No wonder,” promptly responded a disgruntled M. C., ‘‘it is in the nature of the wood.” Why is the ‘society reporter” like a loco- motive? Because he groesthe rounds puffing. GoLpssiTH on Robeson: ‘A man he is to all the country dear.” ~ Canada to see his uncle Silas when a draught beet ehh was ordered a score of years ago, and he is now an active member of the American Peace Horace Greeley Tompkins is the proprietor of a gin-mill, thinks the Emanci- Society. pation proclamation was a national error, ‘CA mouse with but one hole at need, Is sure a foolish mouse indeed.” ‘To people who are down in the world: Stop ata swell hotel and take the elevator. Ir is all very well to say ‘‘ Know tnyself,”’ but who is going to introduce you? Morro for patent match-box: Strike but here, OVERTURE to the Tempest: The storm sig- nals on the Equitable Building, THE individual who was lost in thought has since been discovered in a brown study. ADA brickbat. us bird to be flying about: The” Tue best thing to do in a hurry: Nothing. Diyyer deferred maketh the hungry man mad. Wuat is done cannot be underdone. Ir it be true that ‘handsome is as hand- some does,” Mr. Cyrus W. Field may safely be set down as about the ugliest man in the country. THE past has been a terrible winter. The peach crop has been almost wholly destroyed on account of its severity, and the ice-men have raised the price of their stock in trade on account of its being such an open winter. And yet neither peach-growers nor ice-men will lie. collection plate comes round on Sunday. ‘THERE can be no question as to which party Jumbo belongs. He takes his whisky straight. Marruace in high life: Wedding on the top floor of a New York apartment house. “Speakine by. the card” nowadays is chiefly confined to Uncle Sam’s postal. Lonvon having got well rid of nuisance No. 1 (Jumbo), now proposes to tear down the statue of the Duke of Wellington. | comicbooks.com