Judge — April 22, 1882 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOST!—A GIRL Any One Finding Her—Cxn Keep Mer. My hopes begin to fade, They They do! For I'm cast in the shade By you—yos, you. Another follow take? Youra truly falsely shakot My ghost will make you quake, A few. My ghost? Yes, I sball die, Mayhap, maylap. Then, you Tl haunt; and—aye— Your other chap. Your orange blossoms blow All right! Thes"ll b.tog you woe, When Tam fatd below, To nap. Thad begun to board The cash—the cash To pay for double board Of hash—of hash. Well! now those dimes I'll sink In aleobolic drink; You drive me to the briok. Tm rash! Revised Arabian Nights. The History of the Three Apples. Ose night, as the Caliph Haroun Alraschid was taking a stroll about the capital in d guise, ostensibly for the purpose of discove ing how his police occupied their five or six waking hours, but really that he might not be recognized by his wife, in case she inadver- tently met bin coming from Tony Pastor's theater with his pretty female cousin from the country hanging on his arm, he saw a mau looking eo sad and disconsolate that he at once surmised that he was either a popular humorist or the “ happy father” of twins, ‘The Caliph slapped him familiarly on the shoulder, and asked him the cause of his de- | Jected appearance. ‘I am a fisherman,” said the man, ‘and I bave prosecuted my labors all day without a particle of luck. I have a large family dependent upon my labors, and pleas pennics to buy a ton of coal, a barrel of flour, some spring lamb and early peas, and Allah will bless you.” “Ham,” mused the caliph, feeling in his pockets; ‘I s'pose you had some whop big fish on top of the water, but they all got away. They generally do; it isa way they have. Now, if you arenot too much fatigued, and will cast your nets once more, I will give you one hundred pieces of silver for the haul, whether the ‘catch’ is a whale or a bull- head.” The fisherman looked at the caliph with a skeptical interrogation point in each eye. “0, it isall right,” said the caliph. not just escaped from the insane asylam, albeit my offer may induce that suspicion.” ‘The poor fisherman returned to the river, accompanied by the caliph, his vizier, and a Mr. Mesrour ; threw in his nets, and brought up a heavy trunk, closed and locked. Believ ing that he had recovered a portion of Cap- tain Kidd’s hidden treasures, he was loath to , kind sir, give me a few | | mis “Thave | OSAMA: ISS Wi SN Ay ~S < SS Mrs. Mattov.—Shure, Mrs. Me Mas. MeGtsxis —Indade, thin, M Just been to the doore to tell me th the life of me think who it is that's « innta, an’ tts ral poorly yer looking this morning. . Malloy, an’ its yoo Zo y iN ‘ - N NIN IN NS WS RY, RN raison I'm havin’ to look poorly, part with the trunk ; but the caliph reminded him that a barg argain, and be- sides, the trunk might be the property of an Italian count, and filled with bricks, which a swindled landlord had thrown into the street. The fisherman thereupon accepted the hundred pieces of silver, and the trunk was conveyed to the palace of the caliph. Upoa opening it, a beautiful woman divided into quarters was exposed to view. The caliph’s amazement soon changed to fury, and turning to his vizier, he demanded: “ Is this the way you keep vi lance over my police? Have a lot of dis- 1 Philadelphia detectives got on the force, that a terrible murder is permitted in our very presence almost?’ “Sire,” pleaded the vizier, “ perhaps the woman committed suicide—cut herself into quarters, and afterwards locked herself in the trunk. Our polic thieves and murderers. It is impossible to prevent all crime and detect all criminals. | Remember Stewart's body, stolen several years | ago, has not yet been found, despite the fact that New York has the finest police force in the world!” The caliph refused to be mollified, and ad- monished the vizier that if the murderer was not brought to justice within three days, he and forty of his relatives should be executed. This threat made tho vizier feel as cheerful as if'a small-pox paticnt had clasped his hand. He knew that it would b2 futile to file a bill of exceptions, and take his case toa court in bane; and he could not feel assured that the people of Bagdad would place his wife and | ning reporter. are not in collusion with | child above want by raising a ten-cent fund for “Betty and the Baby.” In the absence of a reward of $5,000, the detectives didn’t de- tect worth a cent, but the number of “ clews” discovered was bewildering. The third day having expired without an arrest having been made, the vizier and forty of his kindred were summoned before the caliph, who ordered them to be hung up in front of the palace gate. The gibbets were hastily erected, and a large crowd congregat- ed. The newspaper reporters had written up their graphic descriptions of the execution down to the ‘doomed-victims-falling-with-a- dull-thud” and ‘ launched-into-eternit, i under such Chicagoanese heads as the follow- in; “Fortitude of the Forty-one!” by the pun- ighteously Roped! reporter. “Wholesale Nec! less reporte zicr and His Relatives Dancing on by the facetious reporter, And cach of the afternoon papershad taken time by the forelock, by baving put in type a doubleleaded paragraph stating that it was on the street fifteen minutes before any of its cotemporaries, with the fallest and best ac- count of the hanging—the same as io our day. As the “launching into cternit ness was about to commence, a wild-eyed young man, with straws in his hair, rushed through the crowd, and cried: tT | by the alliterative Stretching!” by the reck- busi- | LZ { comicbooks.com