Judge — March 18, 1882 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SRR ET ee “BEAUTIFUL SPRIN IN THE CITY. WHY ORANGE BLOSSOMS? sald the Should orai ‘ero it to be the blossom of the pear A i The bald-headed boarder said with sullen spite, Perhaps its color won the flower its place, A sort of misty, haggard, deadly w To match the trembling vietim's Up spake the red-haired drummer with a smil Picking his teeth, his appetite appeased, “Correct you are, this fruit of Hesperus Isle, A perfect symbol, it is best wh r shame,” the old maid said, “1 Td hang my head with shame, or leave the root The orange blossom blooms the whole year throug Like woman's virtue, a perennial bloom.” “Or like her tongue,” said Jones, “it never rests; Or like spring strawberries, very scarce and high; “Or like the groom, who his last cent invests,” Thus did the similes around us ft “Well, well,” said the Professor, ** none of these The seeming mystery doth yet unfold ‘Tis this, the sweetest blossoms on the trees Will soonest turn themselves to fruit of old A. T. WORDEX. thoughtful air, blossoms always deck a bride son might beneath the aymb I were you Getting Hunk. We have received the following thrilling communication from a leading Institution of Restraint upon Inspiration and Pressure: “ Hore. pe CRANK, January —, 1882. “Mr. Eprtor—You are aware that it is not the practice of this Institution to allow letters | which its inmates (fortunately for themselves and for society under restraint) deposit in its letter-box for transmission to the outside world to go forth. Yet, in this instance, we make | anexception, and for this reason. Behind the intense realisms of the erratic author fol- | lows a deeply-powerful moral lesson to the youth of our country, a lesson, let us hope, | that will not be wholly lost on Albany legis- lators and members of the N. Y. Press Club. Oar faculty beg you will give this communica- tion the widest publicity. It will be a warn- ing. We want no more such patients here. ‘The weather is cold, and we cannot keep a THE JUDGE. coat is a painted duster. ‘This patient says that Aces up compelled him to hock his ulster. Will not this be a warning to our gilded youth, or even to our nickel-plated youth? Let us hope so. “ Hopefully though dubiously yours, “ DyaLysus FyDRARGoM. “To all my Brothers in the Great American Game: I call you brothers, but stop! I may conclude to raise you, if your hands are worth raising. Would you not raise them in behalf of asuffering friend, if you knew the heart- of his woes, The doctors say I am laboring under sattening of the brain, the eifect of late | hours and too much draw-poker. But how can one keep late bours when he mostly keeps and uses the ear!y ones, and how can one have too much draw-poker when no man ever had enough? “Let me analyze the true causes of my tem- porary oblivion of what time it was yesterday at this time, and my temporary repose on the swect hypothesis that the three interior angles of a triangle are cqual to four or perhaps five right angles, “ During several years, since I graduated at a Newark Bank and entered upon a high financial position in the City of New York, I have been actively, laboriously employed in the effort to get hunk at draw-poker. I have known men to fl their pockets with cue-bills at the Lotos Club at this business, but tell me, did any one ever get hunk Absolutely, and not collaterally, hunk? Peo- ple say that ‘Mort B—’ did, and more too, until the boys stopped playing with him; but no such suck ever happened to me, And yet | I was at it pretty much every night, and al- ways from Saturday evening till Monday morning. You see, no matter what crowd I was in, somebody was always sure to over-hold me on big hands, Generally it was the same party, a bald, fishy-eyed bank president, or some- thing of that sort, low down enough, you will say, and so he was, but he played a cash game, and of course I was forced to do the same. Whenever 1 had small triplets he had bigger ones, if I had two pair he always held aces-up, and with a flush or straight I invariably found him sitting behind a full house. Sometimes for a whole hour I would climb painfully and leads to hunk, when, at one blow, this wretch would pull away my underpinning and send me howling to the limbo of the lost. There, I to hear that! “The cri said to me, ‘Mr. Tupare, the holidays are $1,000 and I'll sign it, but I tell you, upon honor, that I shall expect you to Iet up on us after New Year’ money; ha my plans for getting hunk; and, besides, I man warm whose only approach to an over- | knew where in a corner of a drawer our chicf Really hunk? | slowly up the steep and shaky ladder that | still far from hunk, when, to my paramount and want the whole 50,000,000 American people | lovely s came. One dark December af. | drew one card, and I could surmise from the ternoon the head officer of our Institution | expression of his countenance that he had filled upon us; fill up a check to your order for | Whole range of po: this trip with that, because we are going to | did I, and raised, and so did he, and raised, and make an assigment with preferences shortly | thus we alternated till my chips and money , and our people must not | were exhausted, I then placed my watch on waste the assets.’ I thanked the worthy man | the and filled out the check. I had use for the | and still later the negotiable check for my ul- ha! it would enable me to followup | ster. The b, and f.-c. banker still continued to had accidentally scattered some scrip of Ham nil & St. Jo. Convertible, which on this identical night I intended to convert. “The hours sped on. We met at Delmonico’s, the bald banker with the fishy-eye, Royal Straight, a Von-vivant of the Arthusian type, Petroleum Proil, a vulgar Toledan with Ohio principles, Doctor Alicompayne and myself. Our dinner was choice; not too lavish, Mon. | trachet with the oysters, Chateau Latour with the salmon, a flash of Nuits with the canvas- cks; later, cool Pommery to give a fillip to | digestion. When we went up in the elevator, the chips and table were ready in the east room you know so well. “Thad nine thousand dollars in my clothes in cash and good checks. Besides, I had my watch, diamond studs, and a negotiable uster. Tconsidered myself loaded, and well on the road to hunk, with anything like respectable cards, ‘Till about ten o'clock the game progressed | smoottuy. Petroleum Proil had lost one hun- dred dollars, and was heard to say that he was ruined, and although he expected to re- tire to rest alone, was sure he should wake up | to-morrow with E. Morse. You all know Proil and his only joke; that is, his only vocal joke, He sometimes writes a Letter one, when he is drunker than usual—a rare phe- nomenon; so difficult, you know, | “During a normal session at our national game there are generally three epochs: the first at about ten o'clock, the second at mid- | night, and the third, what time the gray and | tly morning peeps in from the mystical | East upon the revelers. Our ten o'clock | epoch was marked by this event. I had pat flash ace at the head. I raised the pot, and the bald, fishy-eyed banker saw the raise and raised me back the limit. Isawhisraiseand | raised him back the limit. He dittocd, 1 then contented myself with seeing his raise. “Then came the draw; I stood pat and de- clined cards, He stood pat and declined | cards. Ichipped. Je chipped and bet the | limit. I saw him and raised the limit, He dittoed. My hair was now on end, and the e3 of the whole party were kindled with excitement. I called him, He calmly showed ace full and drew the pot toward him, I “The game went on, and at midnight I was perfect satisfaction, I filled a royal flush, ab- solutely straight flush, with ace at the head, then king, then queen, and so on through the quence; all diamonds. How beauti- fal they were, The baid, fishy-cyed banker something good, but what was there in the ibilities to compare with a 2 . banker bet the limit. So royal diamond flus “The b, and f. ‘ble; my diamond studs a moment later, deposit funds upon the table. I then availed myself of one of the privileges of the game, I writhed in agony, but there was no appeal. | comicbooks.com