Judge — March 11, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Beyer A GOOD SUGGESTION. Now that sunflowers, lilies, ant dailos hare had their day with the lati iehy not adopt another Japanese furhion—their style of shoe—Mt would be such a help in crossing our muy stree A WAIL OF “THE STREET.” After Tennyson—a Long, Long Way. Broxe, broke, broke On thy “tongs” and “shorts,” Wall street! I would that my tongue could utter ‘The wail of my balance sheet! Oh, well for the rampant “ ball” That tosseth Northwestern” at bay! ‘Oh, well for the scheming That hugyeth And the “margin” sharp goes on To his mansion on Murray Hill; Bat oh, for the clutch of a real greenback! — For the sound of a chink that is stillt Broke, broke, broke, Or barsted! - soever it be; Bat the saving grace of a played Will never come back to me Up Before the Judge. Jouxsxy Youe, old Brigham’s favorite son, was a jauntilyalressed young fellow, with a pleasant face, good complexion, and dark chin whiskers, who might have been taken for the Junior partner of a wholesale dry goods house or a book-publishing house. ‘There was noth- ing loud about him, for the big gold chain he wore was only a little symptom of Pacific slope life, which is as nataral as wearing square chin whiskers, and clean, awkward black clothes. We knew Johnny when he had that wife Libby with him—a pale, pretty, somewhat worn lady, who loved her Johnny, and whom her Johnny adored. How they billed and cooed! But Johnny went back ot. Libby. Moral: A young Mormon can be as sweet and fine a lover when he is in the mood of passion as any other man; but when be tires of the old honeymoon and sees the new honeymoon over Ins right shoulder, he takes advantage of the Mormon right. ‘The poor Gentile of the East, who tires of his old honey- | moon, must always see the new moon over his left shoulder. On Poppy Kirkwood, Secretary of the In- terior, feels that he is in better standing in politiesthan he was, He takesa bigger chew, takes a longer whit! on the corn-cob pipe, sheers at the pompous rich dinners, and shrewdly cocks one weather-beaten eye to- wards his nearest shoe-brush whisker. Ix England, homely, jolly, corrugated-faced General Schenck, while Minister there, wrote for private use a little book on poker. It was for some ladies at acountry house. It gained | him much criticism. Poker is now very fash- | ionable in the best English society. With our | beef, apples, cheese, grain, and poker, En- glishmen will become Atericans—a sort of ] American colony. Tue late Mr. Ivory Chamberlain, who on occasions rose to the greatest heights ever reached by a writer for newspapers, once told me two points to be remembered by young journalists—first, that Horace Greeley was the writer of the hest newspaper English ever known, and that Mr, Gladstone writes the most eloquently of any living man—atleast of any living user of the English language. EX-SeNaTor Sancest, of California, who has been nominated Minister to Germ: has the ofa chubby boy, It laughs with healthfulness. Tis tastes are scholarly, and he is a great reader. I heard him once say that he reads eray’s ‘ Book of Snobs" every | year. Still he is not a cynic, but a very equa- | ble man, and while he is a good fighter, itis hard to make him unhappy. He is a lover of simple New England custom ing the pro and is fond of pial fried oysters and baked beans ofa Yankee’s Sunday morning. SPEAKING of Senator Conkling’s temper, he would not be the biggest kicker in the Supreme Court. Justice Bradicy can discount him, He inas a fearful temper. The plump little fellow is better tempered than he was when he was thin, and when he could not get his feet properly into a pair of new pantaloons just home from the tailor’s, would rip them ail to pieces. He used to take down a law book, and seeing many pages of advertisements of other books in the back of it, would rip them ont, no matter whose the book was, saying: “We pay for law, not for advertisements. “ ERRATICS.” Dip you ever notice how the drying mud shrinks trom publicity. You can’t strengthen an argument. by phil 1 whitewash. ‘The trenchant writer few adjectives, Tue farmer who hi be what they call « pump to plant must well-to-do man.” rue coming humorist ” continues tocome; and there's ample room for him. ‘Tue most phlegmati in the uni- verse can have his pulse quickened by nitro- glycerine. Doy’r leave home with unkind words. Sling them back as you go out of the door. “A BRAINLESS fop has one great advant- . He is never exercised in mind. THIRTEEN must be an unlucky wumber. Who ever heard a tramp ask for thirteen cents? it doesn’t take ssip to attach When a rumor gets at’ long for the barnacles of themselves. THE Independent say De objec’ ob "ligion is to save souls; an’ ef you is in dead ‘arnest "out dat work, you won't stop lo ask wat day of the week it up his shop ‘cos it's Sunday, “cos dat 1s his youl people, you Jest mind dat you don’ help him to a big day by being too narrer. help de debbil widout knowin’ lum fac’, Lots ob good people Dat 1s anodder 4c And yet the Independent feels called upon to advertise itself’ as a religious weekly, and offers a chromo to anybody who will take it at its word. If there should be any lingering skepticism on that point im the pubhe mind, the above-quoted excerpt ought, we think, to anish it forever. Osean WILDE is being interfered with in of the country but no one interferes with the box office r¢ ceipts all the same, and he thinks he ean stand it if the rowdies can, his lectures in different pa comicbooks.com