Judge — February 18, 1882 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

room acquaintances, and that she had given my valentine to the cook. And she swept out of the room, Ace Fourtn. - French Flat.— Characters, MR. ANYONE, et. forty; Ms, ANYONE. Mr, Anyone,—Sarah ,1 got a valentine to- day. Mrs, Anyone,—What of st? Mr, Anyone,—Enough, Mrs. A. seandalou Mrs. Anyone,—What was it? Mr. Anyone.—It represented a hen-hussy, a person of the male sex, who is all of the It was while interfering with domestic affairs, and bencath was some vile doggerel, saying that I ought to have a dish-rag pinned to my cout, Mrs, Anyone (absently), you—whoever sent it. Mr. Anyone,—I believe you did. . Anyone.—Me They must know , Anyone.—Yes. Mrs. Anyone.—1 didn't, Mr. Anyone.—You did. Mrs, Anyone.—I didn’t. Mr, Anyone. —Yes you did. rah, Mrs, Anyone.—You darg to: say I> falsity. n. s that broom, you despigable éoward ? ‘Take that! and that! and tha Ss * . ’ Don't falsity, Mr. Anyone (meekly). —Sarabi, if yout pick me off of the floor and put that broom away, I guess I'll stop in and-get’ you that sealskin saeque, and—and—don't let's say anything more about that valentine. Ace Fieru,—Scexe—Hotel acters, MR. ANYONE. — Jou, valet. Mr. Anyone did it? Humph Suite,—Char- sixty-nin ‘his valentine came to me, well, it is all right. I’a 1, do 1? Humph! that shows how much I'm thought Of my heirs send me libel- ous valentines, will they? I'll fix ‘em, blast their infernal impudence. John! John.—Yes, sit. Mr, Anyone.—Go down-town to Lawyer Skinner, and tell him 1 want to see him right away to change my will. I'ma miser, am 1? won't die, will I? soon enough for my lovely money expectants, wait till the lawyer comes. Tl burn up my will, make a new one, and leave every cent to the “ Association for En- couraging the Paralyzed.” They won't send me a valentine, (curtaty. } Some ardent reformer of the Talmage schoo! (begging the pardon of those who are not scholars) has written a pamphlet (and, what is worse, gone and printed the same) entitled “Turn and Burn.” With a sincere desire of complying with so modest a request from an author of such world-wide obscurity, we have managed to oblige him by turning the second page and then burning the volume. Oh, no; there is nothing unaccommodating about us—and never was! Tue favorite number: Number one. | INDUCEMENTS TO TRAVELERS. Texer Oren on railroads.)—You see, I got a cracked arm coming down hy the other road, and I should like to get back safe, as I want to make my will before I run any more Scese Travener—(Who has hal a varied experi risk. Ewe ~ “ ERRATICS.” Natural but not noble: For the enemies of James Gillespie Blaine to hound him with a Peruvian bark. How can aman possibly burst into. merri- ment without cracking his sides laughing? ‘Tue fellow who had “a sof thing of it,” used to be called a sap: mates, Ant, Oscar, westhetic and caddiest ead, What think you of all the receptions you've bad? Was Gotham too Boston too bal? Say 8000! I will lay on yous rostrum ality and pink, A poem still damp with pokeberry ink, A sunflower bud: For I'm not such a spoon, at no golden chink— It was said by Lord Chesterfield that ovEE—(Who also has paid for a desperate experience in the service of the Co.)—Our rout, sir, isjustas | safe asa mine—has hospital stations erery eo miles, twith complete outfit in case of nocident. “Weak minds are like a microscope which ifies little things but cannot receive ones.” cat I know several women who do not | merit the appli ‘They assuredly haven't | week minds, for they change them every day. ‘ion. THE pine board whose sides are of equal | length is certainly “a square deal,” narics, | ial husband is more partial to Tuove her con “swallows, gentle woman dotes on ca | that always remi Wuey a stern father boy's illdoing, he take pressions. nts the key to his al whacks im- ‘Tuene’s nothing like waiting for chances, providing you have plenty of time to wait. Every question has two sides, and every man, woman, and child has six, know what they are? Do you Ira man goes to the dogs, it doesn’t follow | that he will come back usage, | © See small bills, "said the mother bird, as she exhibited her brood. As I strolled along the Bowery my atten: tion was drawn to a poor, uneducated man, who, though he had never been taught the ru | diments of mathematics, set down a long of figures in front of a whol house. Of course they were “du himself. | De mortuis nil nisi bonum, for you ¢: hone ‘em any more for favors that are forgot- | ten almost ‘ived, soon as ree Tuene’s one settlement in the far West | Js me of pigs in the gutter, | Walla, you know. It is Wall: Let the epitaph of Guitean be: “Poor but high-strung.” comicbooks.com