Judge — February 18, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. V ALENTINE'S DAY. Liuiax looked into my face to-day Dimpling and blushing and laughing; “What did you sed me this note for, pray? Candidly own you were chafing. Two little cupids in nothing but wings; * | Heart with a bodkin run through it; Love binds; alt sorts of ridiculous things— Seriously, why did you do itr” Fibbing was useless! “St. Valentine speed!” And I admitted the lette “Valentine! A pretty reason indeod; T could have farnished you better. Who is St. Valentine?’ Why should this day"— Asked she, her sunny curls shaking— “+ Fill the post-offices fall in this way With tinted-paper love-making?” Valentine's Day,” I essayed to reply, | “Is, by an old superstition, Reckoned the day when (1 cannot see why) Little birds change their condition. Thrushes and blackbirds, and linoets and larks, Woo on that day, say the eilly Not with lace paper like you human sparks, I'm very certain,” said Lily. * Well, dear, on that point I will not gainsay; Let us make love as the binds do! They write no lettors, but woo in this way; Woo in dumb show, without words, too." “Stop, sir! you misunderstand. I believe It is on purpose you miss me; What I have said never binted the leave That you have taken, to kiss me.” Bless thee, St. Valentine, thanks for the bint ; Shrines shall be built in thine honor; Soft blue eyes down cast, and blushes sans stint Told me the truth—I had won her. Miracles move in the weary world still; Summer is bat playing possum; Valentine hath made, and Valentine will Make winter orange trees blossom. | 0. 1, sEsKoF. “JAY CHARLTON.” A PoETEsS asks what is the proper fruit for a broken-hearted lover. Chew a pineapple, darling, or the mango. But eschew pears, whatever clse you choose, Mr. WILLIAM WryTeR, the author and critic, is, by his friends, affectionately called Willie. But now somebody says he is a whimsical spinster. We may now sing: “0, Willie, we have miss-ed you.” Epwtn Boots, according to a critic, is only himself at his greatest when he seems to tower above all others. ‘That is, it seems to be, that when he is not himself he is not a tall Booth. Ir is asked why a French lover addresses his sweetheart as ‘mon chou" (my cabbage). It is because she makes such fine cold slaugh- ter of men’s hearts. But it is also asked why does the French lover, in addressing his sweet- heart add, mon rat (my rat). Because he is always setting a trap for her, if he only knows how to ajust the cheese. Jupce Cox was criticised because he al- lowed Guiteau to make an ass of himself. But college presidents are not criticised because their weakness is taken advantage of by col- | lege children. rom, you say you are tired of life; soum 1. Let's take artdeon the Hudson River Road. First“ Watkine Gest. Wacyer is tired of German subjects for his A MASSACHUSETTS esthete say musical compositions. As his is to be the | best to return to the good old fashion of cut- music of the future, he will seck newer sub- | ting the hair with a bowl. The Boston ws- jects of the past. Greek mythology will fur- | thetes will need nothing larger than a teacup. ish him with a subject for his next opera, and in order to study it he will make himself at | home on the Greece spot. that it is THE present tobacco crop of Cuba is small | and of bad quality, and yet this stirring in | formation comes on the heels of the fact that Iris now asserted that the Sandwich Isl- | ¥e are importing cabbages from Germany, anders are Aryans; and we shall presently hear that elegant Irish critic, Aaron A. Pogue, asking “Aryan now?” DaiskING houses in Warsaw are closed by law at 5 P.M. And so the man who drinks | only after business hours has no chance at all. OLD jokes are bad jokes, Bad jokes are jokes. Silly jokes are tiresome jok What fine college boys the negro minstrels must have been! A REFORMER says that every drink of whisky that a man takesacts inwardly to the stomach | as a mustard plaster acts on the outside. | And the chorus will go up echoingly at the bars, “porus plasters.” Tus is true, Once, when a lad, Jay Charl. Iv Chicago, corsets can be bought for ten | ton drove with a load of milk cans to a de cents, but shoes are six dollars each, and ee are an iceating factory in Orange county. Looking standing room in a theater costs the belles at | into the big vat, he sav a frog swimming for the rate of two dollars a quarter ofan acre. | Gear life on the top of the milk. ‘The farmer, who had just poured in the milk, looked at his Goverxor Hoyt, the stalwart of Pennsyl- | can and said: ‘That can stood out in thecold vania, is, of course, not a hoity-toity sort of | air all night to keep it sweet. But how could fellow. a little green frog jump so high?” QUININE and the potato, says a recent es- Ove of the reasons why college boys play sayist, come from the same Peru—the land of f silly pranks is, that they got whipped for do- the spud and the bark. True enough, and the same thing when they were babies, even the potatoes are best when cooked with | and now wish to do them over again without the bark on. whipping. comicbooks.com