Judge — February 18, 1882 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THEATRICAL BRIEFS. — May it Mease Your Honor: Upon receipt of the order of reference dated Febru- ary 4, 1882, I procesded to the neighborhood desis. nated in sach order, to wit, the corner of Broadw Thirtieth street, and began the judicial inquiry im- posed upon me by Your Honor's order. The facts 1 found to be as follows: 1. Every d of MW awand 5:30 row. excepting Saturday, the following named per- building known as and entitled Wallack’s Theater, by the back door of the same, to wit, Osmond Tearle, Gerald Eyre, Rose Coghlan, Madame Ponisi, John Gilvert, H. W. Pope, Em Loraine, Arthur Wallack, and others, 2. Shortly after such gathering a number of young men and women, of various appearance, two hundred, to wit, by actual count, also enter such building, and im- mediately block up the ** wings, "and other portions of the stage, to the great hindrance, aggrava- \d moral injury of the said Tearle, Eyre, Gilbert, sian, Ponist, and others. 3. After tho said Tearle, Eyre, Gilbert, Coghlan, Ponisi, and others have disposed of certain “lines” and vations," and have forced their way through the crowds of young men and women in said * entrance: and * wings," a short, stout person, with abundance of aspirations and exasperations, but without a stagle aspirate on his person or in his language, collects the eaid young men and women upon the stage, and rides them in.o certain * groups” or **detachments.* nates a *bloomink craowd o° vives an’ darters,” and “sweeUearts of the soldiers, ye know,” and upon the young men he confers the titles of * British treeoops,” and “bloody Haf- ghans.” 5. At a given signal the “British treeoops” and the “bloody Hafghans,” for that purpose combined into one body, march off the stage, while a brass band, of morlinate size and unrivaled lang power, brays forth “The Girl I Left Bebind Me,” and a tune which the short, stout and unaspirated person authoritatively pro- nouncea to be ** Gawd Bless the Prince o' Vales.” 6. At a later crisis in the proceedings, the * British treeoops” and the * bloody Hafghans” are once more combined into one force, and designated “*blarsted convicks" by the short, stout and unaspirated person, who compels them to go throu as panto: mime expressive of stone-breaking, shoveling, wheel- barrowing, and other penitential pursuits. At this stage the aforesaid Tear Ponisi, Coghlan, and others demand to mach longer * this infernal nonsense” is to be con: tunued, andare in reply desired by the short, stout and unaspirated person as aforesaid “to shut up sho ‘old their bloomink eackle,” with other hike ribaldry. 8. Shortly afterwards eighty sworn and trusty mem- bers of the National Guan of the State of New York arrive, per the back entrance as aforesaid, and are forthwith entitled * the blarsted reinforcements 0° the Bntish Harmy,” by the short, stout and snaspirated person aforesaid. 9. In a few moments tho detachment firat identified as “the British treeoops,” are ordered by the short, stout and unaspirated person to ‘defend the bloomink fortication.” Then the * bloody Hafghans,” led by the short, stout and unaspirated person as aforesaid, with sons duly enter th Eyre, Gilbert, e informed bow THE JUDGE. as before described—to the great injury of the hats clothes and tempers of the said “British treeoops” and “bloody Hafghans* eq) 10. Just aa the bert, Tearle, and others to call for the police, eighty “reinforcements o° the British Harmy” s0- t, and following the lead of the short, stout, and unaspirated person as aforesaid, spring tumultuously out of the hereinbe- fore described * wings” and “entrances,” and falling upon them with great violence, shouting, yelling and profanity put the said bloody Hafghans” to flight. 11, An interval of leisure now comes to enable the three bodies of combatants to wipe their bleeding noses, straighten their disordered clothing, restore their hats to a semblance of their normal shape, and ex- change invitations to “step out on the sidewalk and see this thing out.” 12. A tall, thin person announces that “the next for to-morrow, and gents kin git their money on Saturday night,” upon which the “ British trecoops, “the bloody Hafghans,” and *the reinforcement o° the British harmy,” retire to ‘see this thing out,” oF *cateh on to beers,” as the case be. 13, Finally, after a brief exchange of “linea” be- tween the sald Tearle, Coghlan, Eyre, Gilbert, Ponisi, and others, the said Arthur Wallack remarks, in an audible voice, * That's all for to-lay, ladies and gentle- men;” and the short, stout, unaspirated person, as aforesaid, is publicly and generally congratulated, under the name of Mr. Chawles ‘Arris, for bis magnié- at “rehearsal,” to which the said 'Arris, wiping his brow and pulling down bis waistcoat, replies, “1 believe yer, me boy! From all of which facts, called, also ended the con call ireumstances and observa- tions I find that, at an early date, a certain play or drama to be entitled * Youth,” involving British sol- diers, British wives, daughters and sweethearts, British convicts, British Afghans and British reinforcements, will be produced by the British Mr. Wallack, in con- junction with the British Mr. Mosa, per tho British company of their British theater, to a series of would be British audiences. All of which is respectfully submitted. Tue Revenge. Attention, Police! We find the following in an ‘able, accu- rate and alert” (not to add reliable, which is needless) evening contemporary There isa very dangerous old tree in Twenty-sixth street that should be taken down without delay. From which it would appear that even the hitherto respectable and praiseworthy old trees of the city have also become infected with the prevailing metropolitan contagion. Nor are we greatly surprised at it, either, after the example set them by Gould, Field & Co. If the robbing of railroad share-holders can be carried on without let or hindrance in the green Sage, what might not be expected of the dry old tree? And the dangerous character in Twenty-sixth strect, instanced by our spe- cially ‘‘alert” contemporary, is not the only lawless and vicious tree to be found by a park full. A friend of ours, on his way home from the club the other night, avers that he was struck full in the face by another dangerous and unquestionably malicious member of the | criminal class of trees, on the corner of Ninth street and University place, as near as he can recollect. For several days past he has been carrying his eye in a sling because of it. Itis high time the police, if we have any, interfered in this matter; and we concur in the proposition of our esteemed contempo- much shoutlog, yelling and profanity, assail and attack *fort'fication " so-called, and the “British treeoops, of the public safety are “taken down,” or up, the better it will be for the community in general, and belated diners-out in particular. BAL ROOM DEFINITIONS. “GesTs' evening costume" —Full dress, + Ladies’ evening costume "—Undres “Mammas"”—Drummers with their sam- ple: “Waltz ""—Mamma's show cards, “ Hearts" —Merchandise “Beauty "—Molasses to catch flies. “Love "—Ball-room fever. “A flirt" —A speculator. “Mirth "—A clever bit of acting. “Supper"—A bent pin for indigestion. “A maiden"-A picture, not prized on ac- count of age. “A lover "—A donkey. “A married man"—A terrible example. “Engaged "—Two fools on the same ragged edge. TALK about thrift, we believe the Long Island Railroad will manage to catch on. The travel being rather limited at this season of the year, the officers have taken to charging their poor employces full fare for riding to and from their work along the line of the road, We wonder if they dock the poor devils if they happen to. get late to their work, on account of a train's being bebind time? Perhaps, after all, Jay Gould has got control of the road. THE all-night revelei maxim: Go to bed carly—yes, early in the morning. WHIFFS WITH CORRESPONDENTS, W. T, L.—You are not a bit fanny, and we renew our former suggestion, We owe a gradge to the editor of that paper, P. P.S.—No, but you can have the stamp you sent by calling for it, Unless a stipulation ts made at the time of sending. 1 is understood that the matter ts sent in gratuitously, Let this end the controversy. H. N. P-—Accepted. UL, M. Witpre.—Too late. You sent no stampa, H. ¥. D, (Rochester) —Your Keeper oug! ful apd uot allow you w large, may rue tt some day. F.C. LANK.—Your bit 14 good, but not wholly original in the idea, Try again, however. Yes, “we have been there,” thank 4. W, Chanz.—You are too deep for as. Im the only intelli gible part of your communication you ask: “How about Blaine" We really do not know, but if the subject weighs on your mind very beavily, we will write apd ask bim. P.S.—If you don't know the diterence tetween entire and base, you cannot practice 1m this court, By the way, refer ring to your tnitials, haven't you Jost an "I?" “Pea Mitios."—It ts rather early for Christmas poems, benides we bave a peck of such matter le over from tast Christmas. You may bea poct all the same, for they are supposed to have much judgment, an for that matter you can Keep on writing; poems always sell—by tbe pound if no other way. 10 be more care- 1g materials, Me, or the world at “Have you an opentog for a young bumorts! cat the weather teing cold you want to close it when Pair. and was pronounced the test 1a and delicacy of odor, It 1s of Roses abd French Flowers, MALLPOX PREVENTED by wearing Dr. Houmay’s LIVEN PAD. It corrects the liver and stomach, porides tb. ‘Dlood, tones up the nervous system, and thereby epabies It repel all contagious diseases that germinate 19 hood poison: isn gach ax spring from a depreciated condition. unboticed Unt the disease tsestabilabed,. And Is the only true cure foF Toalaria inal forms, nervous and laches, dyspepala. female weaknessem ahd a bost of conditions too Duterous tO mention. Iodorsed by tane em walciama abd the best Propleih the community, Sold ty firet-clawsidruggista, Oflce | rary that the sooner these arborial disturbers Fis 'Broadway, New York. Ionstas Pa CO. comicbooks.com ,