Judge — January 28, 1882 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

l= THE MARKETS. Spreialty Reported for Ta Sepak. MONEY Gonn's firn Cash freely rales: ht: tly sous till spent quickly bou fetch three per cent. Consol While Hentes TOCKE, * Lake Shore” is apward bound; e quite firm I farsa found on jrand. PRopvens Dressed hogs abund Of ordinary More plentifal by Than value they) TSIONS. Rutter is very strong: AIL bnt too st Ess, shy Gt key Cheese, lively, as per Conttish (in bales) is fat; Clams, Crabs, niet are and low; tive, brisk and fat; Eels, fluctuating, go. LIQUORS, WINES, AND REE, Spirits are somewhat dull Champagne 7, ser is dry; Mo's rising atill a matic, And downwand tends Old Rye. Why He Came to Texas. A Goop many years ago, when Austin wi avery small town, quice a number of prom- inent citizens went out on a hunting expedi- tion. One night, when they were all gath- ered around the camp fire, one of the party suggested that each man should give the time and reason for leaving his native State and coming to Texas, whereupon each one in turn told his experience. Judge Blank had killed a man in seifdefense in Arkansas, General So- andso had forged another man’s signature to achcck, while another came to Texas on ac- count of his having two wives. The only one who did not make any disclosures wasa sane- timonious-ooking old man, who, although a professional gambler, was usually called “Parson.” “Well, Parson, why did you leave Ken- tucky?” “T don'teare to say anything about it. Be- sides, it was only a trifle. None of you would believe me anyhow. “Out with it! Did you shoot somebody?” “No, gentlemen, 1 did not. Since you I left Ken- y because I did not build a church.” Deep silence fellon the group. Nosuch ex- > for coming to Texas ever had been heard of before. ‘There was evidently an unexplained mystery at the bottom of it. The ‘ Parson” was called on to furnish more light. “Well, gentlemen, you see, a Methodist congregation raised $3,000, and turned it want to know so bad, I'll tell you. tue Br and 1 didn't Texas Sift. over tome to build a ehureh build the church, That's all.” ings. “Rising § Ponisn"—The strap with which the old man starts the boys out of bed at sunrise, IMAGINE a writer's feelings who wrote it an estimable Christian person,” and the printers rendered it “an edible Christmas possum. SPOKEN a-miss—A girl hat is en Ksons on the weather bureau—Corns on the feet. | — Is the man at the wheel always éu-cog ? ‘Tue reason Noah and his sons were spared, is because they were gentlemen cnough to take their wives with them on a yachting | cruise. “ How dear to the heart Are the scenes of my childhood When fond recollection Presents them to view!" How, when I played truant, My father, so riled, would Larrup me soundly— (Between me and you.) ONE RESULT OF FOREIGN TRAVEI BEGINNER IN FRENCH (to big brother who | has done the Continent).—“ John, what does | ‘Hotetde Ville’ mean? . JouN (somewhat perplexed, but not wishing to appear so).—'** Hotel der Veal? Why, the meat market, of cou TaN Ss nibreny as it will probably appear if the wsthetie craze hols on much longer. A westy has been found in Egypt recently | by the explorer, Herr Brugech, whieh cannot | be identified, Miss Anthony positively serts that her deceased sister wore a and as this mumniy wears none | likely that it will ever be identitied, it is very un Tne editor who howls the loudest for three-line eredit to a on graph is the one who will bear watching when some neighbor has laid in his winter supply of cord- wood. line par: Iy St, Louis policemen only average three toa square mile; that is, when they are not wanted; when they are, they average one to the whole city, and he is in some pool-room playing pool. “T See brea here are too n head,” said the manager, ny light house: | “Hearts are trumps,” said the gambler, as he watched the bridal party come out of church, “Yes,” chimed in one of his com- | panions, “they are now, but by the look « | that newly-made mother-in-law, it seems as if clubs would o¢ trumps soon.” “Giveme a chew,” said Jenkins, who is a | continual beggar, to Gilkerson: No,” re- plied Gilkerson, “you are too utterly chew- chew.” Tue butcher is a great skin; most of them, | not content with skinning their cows, ete., skin their customers. Tuoven the prophecy concerning the end of the world was not fulfilled, the seers still con- tinue to Shipton after ton of predictions upon jus. comicbooks.com