Judge — January 28, 1882 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

} We do not wish to be untind or un ser at fove of them hi INFELIX! Usuarey J It wa Bat one unhappy Came the wh y's he nny Kelly hail itw So, then, f said he This comes quite Felo tle se om-happy Kelly, he sat | ] Extracts from a Debate on | ny THe | Afirmative—Mr. De Bater—( married.) + * * From allof w is conducive to man’s happiness. Women, sir, are t diamonds, and men’s hearts are Happy the heart that holds Some females may be Lake Ge put the majority nd ten-inch focus, horse power her wings and flies aw It will be when the last hand down the ages, and, gr: | original, says: “ You were the fi last. After me—cha' (Gr from the ladies in the gallery.) , In the papers it unhappy stracture down on Joh ny Mr. € I think it will be safe to conclude that woman i orer to the j down and said, ear the Latin phrase that reads Woman, Hohokusville Literary Society. “Is woman condacive to man’s happiness” Age » wings by which we | poor men mount to heaven, Women, si re ir settings. ch a gem. Many have wondered at what date t world will come to an end, I will tell th It will be when the last woman buckles on yy to another sphere © stretches her ping the great , Lam the t applause THE BIG HAT Mant, but, really, in the interest of public . | Yes, sir!) Through SANCE. Md not ery to police and marche out of our the Negative—Mr. Snarl ried, and father o} spines vairman, ified, cussitied, and mus- After a diver al experience with four wives, including the | usnal addenda of mothers-in-law, aunts, and female hangers-on, I feel able to answer the ion—no, sir! nen do not conduce, sir, and I'll prove it by two pictures, only two, Mr. Chairman, Int they represent the whole gamut of female elect on ma My first picture of Eden, befor Here you ates back to the Garden arrival. Adam, a happy man, living on a large landed estate, amid peace and luxury | No annoyanecs, no girl warbling a gray- headed next door, no coal to no Dutch grocery bill to pay; all pea contentment. He never could be Pre: the United States; yet even that canker was quelled by the thousand and thirteen blessi that surrounde Eve arrived What followed? Why, Adam's first move was a move out. woman he lost the bi inecure the world has ever seen. “Ts woman conducive to man’s happine: How did Eve accomplish the change, you ask? Let ine tell you that story once more, that the trath of woman's cussedness may in be brought before you. nagine yourself in the Garden of ing a stroll with Eve. You come to a tree laden with fruit, and you him. ay THE JUDGE. ") come a say “ve, let me get you one of those bananas, ‘They are ten-centers—every one of ther No, she does not want a banana, Then you come to another tree. *! Eve. you say, “let me help you to one of those oranges. They are fine. Nothing to equal them in the New York market.” “No, she'll not have an orange. A third tree is reached, ‘* Heavens ! Look at those pineapples. Any one would take first prize in a State fair, Do have slice, But she won't—not she Now a fourth tree is reached—an apple | tree, Ah, hal” eri ve, starting forward, “that’s the kind of fruit for my mouth.” And | she cat Why did she refuse banana: pine apples? Is not high-pi fruit preferable 2 Such fruit, Mr. Ch: was not preferable to her—because there was no cussed ness connected with it, She chose the apple because she knew every bite was brim- ful of trouble to her husband. “Ts woman conductive to n aRRESSEATE In Adam’s home life you have had my first picture, In my home life you will now have ‘ond. My cheekered—— Eh, boy ! A rme? Wh: nit be? arleyow just given birth to itiful baby boys.”"—Nurse.” Mr, Chairman, Viust slose m: as Tam wanted home. Before I leave, let me say: Woman is not conductive to man’s hap- No, si rman, happiness?” 9 too too be: Wues a fellow is courting a girl, he sings with much pathos under her window: “How can I leave thee? How ean I from thee part 2” And he is true to this sentiment long after marriage. After tea he is ever solving the problem, ‘‘ How to leave her, how from her to part?” and be off to a snug little spread | where the woodbine of another girl's affection tenerly twineth. ASTRONOMERS now say there are pots on the face of the sun, It ome other body with an eight spot on it don't long and take it, WHEN the first-born baby elephant sees the second, won't he go for Hebe, his mother, trumpeting in her fond ear, What on earth did you want to have that long-mouthed, slink- little cuss for? Don’t you see you've broke my nose forever?” “CavGuTt on a belt,” is what the factory girl cried when her father burst into the par- lor and saw ker fellow's arm around her belted w A FRUITERER advertises ‘‘pitted cherries.” Well, when we come to think of the poor rum they are put into, truly they are to be pitied. comicbooks.com