Judge — January 14, 1882 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—_,— PATS SYMPATHY. Pat Leary was a genial soul, Kind-hearted and forgivin Unintluenced by th Would try to earn a living. But the neighbors saw that Mra. L., When Pat would work or loiter, Had to travel to a distant well water. 5 ow is this, Pat, Your good wife should not do it, and feeble, that you'll rue it?” , ere long nd sure,” said Pat, ‘and ‘tis too bad, Her bourdin T must soiften; Tl git anoither pail, bedad, Then she'll not go so oifth OUR POPULAR FARCES. Our Employment Bureaus. Characters,—Mk. Spor ployment Bureau), Mr. Fiot (who de. employment). Scene.—MR. Srot Employment Bue reau, anywhere upon Broadway or Sixth Avenue, Curtain rises, disclosing MR. SroipER seated at desk, Mr. Spoider (reading from paper).—This advertisement reads very well: ‘¢ Wanted, at Spoider’s Employment Bureau, all sorts of gentlemen to fill all sorts of positions—car- drivers, bank cashiers, errand boys, busin managers, private detectives, book-keepers, floor-walkers, conductors, butcher-boy justices, faro dealers, clergymen, etc, tions for all." Yes, that sounds ver It ought to catch on; really I can see no reason why it won't, I [Knock heard at door. Mr. Floi.—Is this Spoider's Employment Bureau ? Mr. Spoite Mr, Floi.—Can I see Mr. Spoider? Mr. Spoider.—That is my name. can I do for you, sir? Mr, Floi.—\ would like a place. Mr. Spoider.—Anh, certainly, you wish tose- cure employment. Well, my dearsir, you could not have come to a better place, What sort of a situation do you desire? Mr. Floi.—Any pl ir, where I can gi an honest livelihood, Mr, Spoider,.—All right, I can suit asecond; but stay. You know I require two What in ‘What for? Mr, Spoide (MR. FLot produces two dollars. His name ws elaborately placed in a big book by the affable Mr, Mr. Mr. Sj ; Mr, Floi.—Yes, sir. Mr. Spouter.—That will do. How would | you like a place as president of a fire insur- | ance company. Mr. Floi (lesitatingly).—1 am afraid that Tam not capable. Mr. Spoider. haw. That makes no odds. Who ever saw a president of a fire insurance company who was capable? Take this card and go down to the office of the Royal Bengal and Oshkosh Fire Insurance Company. They want a president. Their last one is in Canada, building a cathedral with about fily thousand dollars that he slipped out with, and I guess you will till the bill, Goodalay. ne Second.—Same place. Time, next day. Mr. Spoider.—So you are back again, Mr. Floi. Didn't you sccure the place to which Is nt you? Mr. Floi.—No, sir. Mr. Spoider. —Who? Big-knuckled Mike Met —Why, he's a ng; got five more years to s is just what th stoc s feel perfoctly that their president is behind the years, and can't bother with the affa company, They've also elec hasn't been heard of since 185 ; and resultantly you can’t buy a share in that company except at double the Mr. Spoider.—Indecd, Well, let me_ sce what other situation I have for you. Ofcourse your coming here a second time requires an extra dollar, Thanks; seeing it is you I won't object to the cut upon the rim. Here is ex- actly the job for you. Paying-teller in a mighkeepsie bank. Salary, five hundred a year, but of course you can get away with half'a million in a year. Here is the address. Scene Third.—Same place. Time, to days later, Mr, Floi. afe now 8 for five rs of the “la man who —You back again, Mr. Floi? . Floi.—Yes, sir. Mr, Spoider.—Didn't you get the place at Poughkeepsie? Mr. Floi.— Mr. Spoide Mr, Floi.—There was a gentleman ahead of me. Mr. Spoider.—Who? Mr, Floi.—A_ pool-seller, I believe. he board of directors found out that he had four wives, gambled, owned six fast trotters, and had not been sober for eighteen months. Con- sequently they unanimously elected him p ing teller, stating that they had the utmo: | confidence in his integrity and business c: —A registration fee, of course. | pacity I cannot find places for folks free of cost. | Mr. spider, —Well, you are in hard luck, But I will sce you through, but you will be obliged to give me another dollar. I have to pay gas bills, you see. Much obliged—and just you go down to this dry goods house; they want a book-keeper. The salary isn’t so much, six dollars a month, but they will put implicit faith in nd—and I can give you the address of a reliable fence, or receiver of stolen goods. You ought to wear diamonds in a week, Mr. Floi.—They had already elected a pres: ident. Scene Fourth,—Same place. Time.—one | week later, | Mr, Floi.—Glad to sce you, Mr. Spoidem | I've been in here a dozen times, but you have been out. | Mr. Spoider.—Sorry. How are you gettin along’ Mr. Floi.--W\ Mr. Spoider,—Y keeper, didn't your Mr. Floi.—1 did not, * Mr, Spoider,—And why? Mr, Floi.—There wasn't any firm, sir, It had failed for half a million, all of the partners had gone to Europe. All of their assets were six bundles of calico and the er- rand boy. Mr. Spoider.—Bad luck seems to pursue you, Mr, Floi. Funny, too. Why, just fifteen months ago I gota confirmed idiot from Ire- land, who can’t speak a word of English, a sit uation as Park Commissioner, Yet I will have to aid you again for another dollar. My time, you know, is money. Mr, Floi.—Here it Tt is my Mr. Spoider.—Ob, you will have plenty more soon, There isa stone-yard near here which wants a bar-keeper. Mr, Floi.—What possible use ¢ ard have for a bar-keeper. Mr. Spoidte ask them, Tam sure I don't know. is their card—hurry up ! e Two weeks later, poider.—Floi, ch ? I supposed it was you. What do you want? Mr, Floi,—1 didin't— Mr. Spoid you didn’ 2 ot that place as book- st. one- the place. Of course u're no good. Mr. bar-keeper. | Mr. Spoider.—They said that to you. 1 | don’t blame them. You're ragged and thin | and dirty-faced. But still ifyou've got another _ | dollar I will see what I can do. Mr. Floi.—Another dollar! penny to buy bread. I have given you fiye dollars already and I haven't a place. 1 will — Mr. Spoider.—Blackmail me, will you, you miserable wretch. Well, I guess you won! There is the door—get right out of it or I will send for the police T haven't a (Curtain.) Found—a Star, A New variable star of the Argol variety has just been discovered, we are cold, by a Mr. Sawyer, of the Boston Scientific School. We are not very far up in astronomy our- selves, but if Argol” should happen to be a misprint for “ Alcohol,” and Mr. J. K. Em- met was starring around in that vicinity just at present, the discovery would appear some- what clearer to the average scientific mi Wise beyond his peers—Russell the sage- man, Ur to Sxurr.—The tobacconist. matter how high up snuff gets, cither, And no comicbooks.com