Judge — January 7, 1882 — page 14: what you’re looking at

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ww the hun; By the street lamp’s fickle heat, And to keep up circulation gs the man on And the great noctur the door step fondly clings, And in Cau To the wakefal mortal sings. ecenta And the Grasps the pr the too d Gives to him the belly 1y’s mouth extended fered buckwheat cake, cious snow-pie ache. 1. p, wniair. OUR POPULAR FARCES. NEW YEAR'S CALLING. REPORTED BY “ED.” Characters : St. James Passarc, ) ADOLPHUS ILACKENSACK, Fivz ‘ Chanispa MoGuine, — ) Miraxpa DeLacy, Mantana Steyvesant, ) Scene First—Chambers of sac Mrs. MULDooy house, Rates, four Sleep tico ina bed. For single gentle. men only, Enter Apoupivs TLAckEs: SACK and Fitzxoop.e Couors. Time, New Year's Day noon. ‘Three callers. DLE COHOES, ‘Three called upon. JAMES: Boarding. dollars a in week, St, James.—You are punctual, deah boys. Adolphus.—Of course, baw Jove. We always punctual, you know. Are you weady ? St. James,—Quite, but I say, deah boys— Fitznoodle,—What is it you say, old fel- low? St. James.—Where are we I have only tw employer's wife aunt. Adolphus. —D are going calling ? calls to make—one upon my Vother upon me maiden w Jove, I am just about as bad myself. I ‘eve only one call, upon my sister. She married some low fellow, a leather and hides young man, I believe, but still he is remarkably nice, and of course I cannot shake his acquaintance. I couldn't do it if 1 would on account of my sister. She would feel aggrieved, you know, if I did. How many calls have you, Fitznoodle? Fitznoodle,—Weally, I have none at all, Lately I ‘aven't been going into society since Lieft Boston, and I supposed you boys would furnish the list of—ah—fair ones to be called upon. St. James.—Then we have ouly three calls tomake. And ‘ere we are, in full dress. It’s a blooming shame, you know. We cannot give up calling, for I told my landlady that I had full an h’even ‘undred calls to make, and she h’expects to see me go out. We've got to call upon somebody Welse to fill h'in time. I wouldn't dare to get back before midnight. I tell you what we will do. Fitznoodle,—-What? St. James.—We have three real calls to make, haven't we Fitznoodle.—Yes. St. James.—My employer's wife, she resides | | THE JUDGE. in Harlem; my Hoboken, and she reside, old fel? Adolphus.—Brooklyn. St. James.—Deucedly lucky. The calling places are very wide apart, and with propah intervals for billiards, drinks and pool we can make them last till five o’cloe! least, Fitznoodle,—But what then St. maiden aunt, she resid Adolphus’ sister, where docs James.—I have a gweat idea. You know Clarinda McGuire, Alderman Me- Guire’s daughtey, who we met at the church sociable? Fitznoodle. ) y-.. ‘Adolphus, $ ¥° St. James.—Then we will call upon her. She is going to receive in great style, so I am told, and the table she sets, it is curwently weported, will take the—aw—vulgably de- sewibed cake. Twoothah society belles will be with her, She hasn't invited us, but doubt- less it was an oversight. And if we c will get our names in the papahs. So we will “Ave a cigarette, deah boys?” We don't want to go, you will weadily understand, but we've got to go somewhere to pass away time, and we might just as well go there. Scene Second.—Partor of the McGuire Mansion, Time, 5 P, M. Clarinda McGuire.—There, that cighty-nine calls. Miranda De Lacy.—Who was he, anyway, the cighty-ninth, the—the person who just left? Clarinda McGui —do you, Mariana ? Mariana Stuyvesant.—No ; never saw him But he was nice-looking, and I guess he must have got into the wrong house ; and wasn't his neck-tie too utterly too, He- [Her remarks are interrupted by a ring at the bell, Enter St, James Passaic, Apot- pus HACKENSACK, and FiTzNoopLe Co- HOES. St. James. Adolphus, Fitznoodle, Miranda, Clarinda. © Marwna. l ) St. James, ) J | we 0. makes -—Really, I don't know before. t Elegant day, ladies. Beautiful. Adolphus. Fitznoodle. Miranda, ) Clarinda, Mariana, f St. James.—So I suppose. Such an away of beauty could not but be paid homage to, you know. Clarinda.—Oh, you flatter too awfully, too perfectly much. Won't you take a little re- freshments? St. James.—Thanks, quite; but we have made so many calls and pawtaken of so many refreshments that weally we must decline. By the way, Adolphus, how many calls have we made? Adolphus—(Consulting with great gravity the interior of a calender for 1882).—One hundred and Fitznoodle.—Five. St. James.—Weally, I supposed we had made more, but a fellah cawn't keep exact count. And how many more have we to make? Many calls ? Somany weeau'tkeep count. nd— Adolphus, —Ninety Fitznoodle,—Six, St. James.—Ninety-six! What a howwible bore. But we've got to do it. The demands of society, you know, require it. Clarinda.—By the way, where will you spend the evening? James.—It is hard to tell, We have an tation to Mrs. Astor’sand Mrs, Lorillard’'s, Fitznoodle.—Mrs. Havemyer’s. Adolphus.—And Mrs. Vanderbilt's, St. James.—Sure enough, We will spend the evening — Clarinda (hewitchingly).—Mere. Now Jy stay here. We will have such areal nice time. Won't you, please? St. James. Adolphus. = Fitznoodle Clarinda, Miranda, \ Mariana, Scene Third.—Street. Time, WP. M. ank Heaven! itis over. We ssion, deal boys, a decided 1 upon the girls, but they are too * homely and intellect-lackin; you know, I wouldn't do it again for any- thing. Let’s come take a bwacer. Fitznoodle, )_ Agweed. We need revivi- Adolphus. § fying aah the ordeal. Scene Fourth.—Bedchamber of Clarinda MeGuire. Clarinda.—Oh, 1'm so glad (gape) that Ni Year's is over. I (gape) thought those thre fools would (gape) never go away. I only askeg them ont of politeness, for I didn't (gape) expect they would come. What idiots men are ! It youl We do! St, James, — made an impw impwes confounde (cuRTAIN. ] Wov.py'T it be well for some of our enter- prising Accident Insurance Companiesto have branch offices at the vestibules of our theaters? Or wouldn't the public feel easier if the man- agers should take it into their heads ld this busin that of running theaters? ‘Ten dollars premium on a ten-thousand dollar policy might be a good safety racket after all, come to think of it, And only think how a person could enjoy the play! to “Wuy should the spirit o: mortal proud?” We know of no particular rea why it should be, unless a fellow finds a s skin overcoat in his stocking. “Horey father!” exclaimed a young man out West, as he raised the body of his parent from the ground after twenty-five Indians had got done firing arrows at it. Tuts is a good week to hint to your friends about the “new leaf” you are going to turn over on the first of next. Query for the ‘Institute of Heredity:” Will the son of a tailor mend his ways? THERE are now two “ Walker” Blaines— Pere and Fils, And the father follows the son with no unequal steps. comicbooks.com