Judge — January 7, 1882 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

takes the chililren's room for his own, and bs awcare of the fact turns the gas Of A CATASTROPHE. Luxap a very lonly life, I'm crushed and wamperbusted; Tin sick and sad, and weak and sore With life T am diagusted. When I look back upon the past 1 feel Inclined to shiv And oft T want to jamp into The roaring, rushing river. Tit now get at and tell you all About my woes and troat And how I loved a gentle gal, Rebecca Jane MeSnubl McSnubbles was a wealthy man, And also Becky's father; And did I love Rebecca Jane? Well, kinder, sorter, rath I loved her for herself alone, “Twas that and nothing shorter; I would have her all the same Without a dime or quarter. Bat sad, alas! unto relate, She had a wicked brother; She also had a dev'lish pa, And a rampageous mother. They thBGBwetyat T diel want t Because abet some * pewte “Ay They said thatehe should not be mino-~ /.° They'd rather rise and shoot her. “they sald that I beliuged unto ‘The floating popalatian, And that 1. soon would fizzle out And go to thunderation. T sought my dariing oat one night, IT met her ‘mid the roses; rs ‘She folded me unto her beart, ‘e touched our lips and noses. “Oh, Tom!” sald ’bbee+I love'you bard, Ltove you more than taters; > But pa and ma and brother are A set of alligators, ak “But I will never give you up— Limake'a solemn promise, Tilmerer ny ery any man Bat you, \ay faithfo! Thomas.” “Mil then T clazpesl her to my heart ‘Abid fat b0 beatific, chought that L could Ozht and stash | ‘And tear arvand terrific. THE JUDGE. Just ag we wept and gakl farewell And took our parting, busse A window rose and oat wer Two awful blanderbusse Cher wang! cher bang! And I felt sort of tender; Ttumbled down across a stamp And broke my left suspender, ns went off, And Be ky Jane, ah! let me weep— It seems I can’t rekiver; It seems that I coal! weep enough To raise the Hudson river. Theard a ripping, tearing sound— A terrifying rustl Tlooked around, and, horror, obt J smashed her Sunilay busttet “Ml. ELLIOTT N'BRIDE. WOODEN NUTMEGS. “Tue man who hesitates is lost.” This adage is hard on stammerers, Tue French government has decided to make billiard-playing a branch of instruction in the public schools. ‘This is consistent with the policy to render every graduate capabk | of earning his own living. Emerson says nothing shall warp him from the belief that every man is a lover of trath. Waldo evidently does not read cireus posters | and medical advertisements, or he would ‘0 that folks would call him round- reertain statute a foreign ambassa- dor cannot be compelled to pay his bills, If this fact becomes gencrally known our diplo- matic service will sufler an apparent increase, and hotel proprietors will have to combine to petition a repeal of the law, A Canirorsts girl has become insane trom taking a cold bath. Some people will think © must have been a little cranked to think of taking the bath at all. It has been discovered that the sense of swell perceptibly increases in power by hav- ing the mouth full of water..- Husbands who come in late.at night will soon learn the trick of holding their own breath till their wives ave to give up keeping their mouths sbut, and let out the water, AY exchange, in an article on th tion of birds, queri the birds? immigra : Who or what guides It has hitherto been supposed they guided themselves by their tails, but if | our esteemed contemporary can prove that on the contrary they follow their bills, which some naturalists suspect, the previous hypoth- esis will be cheerfully relinquished. they do go after their bills, they will be differ- [ ent from most folks we know. AN agricultural exchange advises the farm- er to coint his sheep overy day? His’ time can't be of much ewes to him if he can afford to do that. A Large nose is a sign of character. ‘The character, however, depends on the color of the nose. | imate of New York is very unhealthy, | ‘This is shown by the large number of resi- | dents who rise in the morning with a head- ache. | Tur sexes differ, the one trom the other. Observe a gentleman and lady about to dine ata restaurant. The bill of fare is handed the lady. She holds it listlessly in her gloved fingers, asks the gentleman what she had bet- ave, is told to select for herself, shuts her eyes, throws her head back meditatively, and with random recklessness chooses a din- ner of the chojgcst and most costly viands nominated in the menu, at which she had never looked. Now watch the gentleman. He clutches the bill in both hands, plants hi elbows on the table, rounds his shoulders, scowls and glares with fiendish expression, calls for a modest lunch on the cheapest dishes he can tind on the programme. 'The only point on which the sexes seem to agree is that the gentleman shall settle the check at the counter. A New York woman advertises herself as a “Hair Doctress There is so much hair wounded nowadays by being “banged,” that such a doctor ought to have plenty of patients. We should think the best trgatapent would be amputation, Tue past week has been a poor one for Coney Island. The ‘hytels baven’t half paid expenses, and bathing has not been so brisk as it was three or four months ago. “Tus world is made up of little things,” | moralized Mr. Hickenlooper, as he dug his knife into the quivering heart of an under- ‘done potato, “That's so,” softly assented his wife, gazing at him with such a piercing | look that Mr. Hickenlooper quite forgot the thread of the discourse. —Rockland Courter, | ‘Tue average newspaper writer has ad- vanced well in his profession when he ean write a verse and have it set up by th printer as poetry, without going into the com- posing room and telling the foreman that it is—Steubenville Herald. AN OPPORTUNITY FOR REVENGE. Let the gentlemen cultivate a growth of hair with immense neckties, and see if they can't make them- selees as obnozions ax the lady with the by hat. comicbooks.com