Judge — December 3, 1881 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Original Norristown Budget. A Cuicaco editor pleasantly alludes to a St. Louis girl ‘whose ears resemble the wings | worn by a fairy in the Black Crook "—what- | don't believe the | ever the B,C. may be. W St. Louis girl’s ears resemble the wingsof the fairy aforesaid—and yet a Chicago editor would hardly lie about a little thing like that. It must be a misprint. The Pot-Luck Club. AT a meeting of the Pot-Luck Club one hight recently each male member, 2 promise, contributed a specimen of his handi- work in the culinary art, and the result was quite novel. Here,” said the artist, sketch- ing the twentieth letter of the alphabet, ‘is a drawing of T.” His contribution v highly esteamed. ‘And h the printer, producing a handful of type, ‘is some ‘pi' of my own making.” He said this in a crusty tone. “ And I've brought a hot goose,” said the tailor, dropping his iron on the table. He was greeted with hisses, “And 1,” said the poet, with a Milesian accent, proffering a manuscript, “have here some tenderloins.” His offering was voted very beefitting. ‘*And I hope,” said a sad and timid-looking member, presenting his wife, “‘you will relish this ‘rib’.” | And then he added, in a stage whisper: ‘I can spare her, therefore she is a spare rib.” The carpenter now stepped forward and said he had pre- pared ‘a little plane board"—placing the board on the table as he spoke. The shoe- maker said he thought some of the members needed a little brain food, therefore he had brought a “sole,” also a “ tongue. former was pretty “scaly.” “And here,” said a smart young man, with a goneness in his voice, introducing his best girl, ‘isa little duck.” He was pronounced *‘too fresh,” and his girl gave him cold shoulder all the rest of the evening. Then a newspaper hu- morist cast his eyes over the assemblage, called ita “rare me substance out of a cone-shaped piece of paper, and made Joe Miller turn over in his grave by remarking: ‘The best I can do in the culi- ording to said The | ” poured some gritty | nary line is the sand-which is here.” The club immediately adjourned out of respect to his gray-haired pun, and said they didn't want any “taily” in their dessert. AN old philosopher, whose name we have forgotten—probably because we never knew it—says: “No grander thing can a man do than to give a helping hand to a young man who has been discouraged.” That's all right; but when a young man has been discouraged in love-making, and sees the “apple of his eye" led to the altar by a rival, all the male help- ing hands in the world won't heal his wounded affections. ‘The only hand he wants is given to another, and the only cure he can think of at the time for such ‘discourage- ment” is a dose of cold poison. A Bostox paper says: ‘Ben Butler has become quite an old salt.” Ben has not been very “fresh” for, lo! these many years; but | the Boston paper was induced to make its re- mark just after seeing Butler step aboard his yacht, and hearing him sing out to his jolly tar “Hi, there!) Haul down the anchor | boom, furl the bowsprit mizzen deck, unhitch the lee scuppers, Iet go the larboard watch figure-head, change the monkey-wrench and turn her heels to the wind—blast your eyes !” “ Aye, aye, sir,” responded the welldiscip- lined crew; and the orders of their com- mander were obeyed as if by magic. No wonder the Boston paper calls him an “ old salt.” Scientists tell us that fearful storms are raging in the sun, and that the black spots which have appeared bn the face of the orb recently are cavities hundreds of thousands of miles in depth. All the returns are not in, but we should think it would be safe to esti- mate the damages at more than seventeen | hundred dollars, with no insurance. “THe failure of a coffee-house” is a head- | line in a daily paper. And it is not surpris A man of ordinary intelligence would have known that a house built of coffee would not prove a success, But some wealthy men re so eccentric! A house made of cheese would be as strong as a coffee house—if not stronger. ing. A cinces actor's life is full of springs, and death often comes to him in the fall, TCHERNICHEVSKI, a Russian novelist, is said to have originated nihilism. From the unique appearance of his cognomen, we infer that he also invented the dynamite bomb, and nar- rowly escaped becoming a victim to his own ingenuity. As it was, his name was blown into a thousand fragments, and in sticking the pieces together with Jones’ prepared glue, they got them frightfully mixed. ‘To be linked to such an appellative is punishment enough for originating nihilism. IP you want to read a sensible, instructive and elevating book, go to any public library and ask for the one that is called th Teast. Iv is proposed to teach Latin and Greek in the Girls’ High School at Carrollton. It is a capital idea, provided instruction in the Eng: lish language is excluded. When a man comes home from @ political caucus at 2 . a, permeated with an odor of one thing and another, ifnothing worse, he would prefer to have his wife expresss an unbiased opinion of her husband in one of the dead languages —the deader the better—so dead, in fact, that he couldn't understand a word of it. How ever, hair-pulling in Latin or Greek is about as casily comprehended as it is in English. The roots are analogous, so to speak. Some one estimates that if a man li be seventy-two years old, le passes at least twenty-four of them in sleep. This is a ra low estimate—in case the man is a police- man. About ten years more of sleep should be added. If he is an editor, ten years should be deducted. Ww. to her ARAMINTA’S LAMENT. Atas, they have departed, those dear romantic days, When ‘neath a latticed window lovers warbled tender lays, And tuned the light guitar in such a sentimental style, To win the heart of maidens, and their tenderness beguile; ©, they never warble now! Of those days so long departed, it is wonderful to hear, When Grandisonian heroes in profusion did appear, Who for a laily’s favor would go down upon their knees, And stay there, too, submissively, her vanity to please; Do you see them kneeling now ? And, 0, the pretty oaths of love and fond hyperbotest Their tender exultation and poetic rhapsodies! Comparing ladies’ eyes to stars, their teeth to Orient pearl, And thinking none so lovely as the one especial girl; If we could those days recall! And their manner of proposing, too, ¢0 eloquently fine, To be the favored object - how ecstatic! how divin The charming art, it seems to me, is lost forever more, Or utterly disdained by those whom I encounter, for They do not propose at all eon. THAYER, Dame Fasnton has already mustard a small army of devotees to the new yellow tint. Way won't Ben Butler go into polities once more? The country has worn a sober face too long. AFTER THANKSGIVING. ° comicbooks.com