Judge — November 19, 1881 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR ELEVATOR BOY. Wao calmly And While 0 yes us o'er and oer, Sus out on the wrong floor, some novel be does poro— Who * Empty Cradle” sweet does sing, es when we do ring, ¢ “Highland Flag"— Who's cooler far than ice or snow, ngnasce runs it constant flow, ‘tL want to go— What do we pray for night and day Is that something may give way, And send him with angels Our elevator boy. ne POPULAR FARCES. OUR BOB-TAIL CARS. TEN BYeK. REPORTED BY “ED.” [Scene—Interior of a Bleecker street bob-tail car. ‘Time—any time you pl Char- acters—the usual characters to be found upon a bobtail car. Driver of course playing star role; car stops. Enter ob- stinate character. Car is crowded, and obstinate character sits down. blocks are p: Obsti fare is unpaid. Driver ring the bell. Obstinate character quietly at the scenery. Driver brakes up ar suddenly and opens door.) Driver (indicating Obstinate Character). Where's your fare ? Obstinate Char pocket. Driver. Obstinate Two gazes ter (quietly),—In my Why don’t you put it in the box? Character,—Bocause 1 do choose to discomfort and ine twenty people by crowding up to the box. you desire my fare you can come after it! Driver.—1 can't Obstinate Character. —Why not? Driver,—It is against the rules of the com- pany for me to collect anybody's fare, You've got to put it in yourself, Obstinate Cheracter.—Well, quietly and unostentatiously, I will tell you that I won't. You've got to come after it if you wish it, Driver. uld I would be discharged, Obstinate put it in th Driver.—You'll get arrested. That's law, You've got to put it in or I'll put you out, Obstinate Character,—I won't put it in and 1 won't get out, You can't put me out, either. not mmode at k (Proceeds to take off his cravat. weighs him up. Driver Driver conchides that he is not a safe man to tackle. Stops car, Car remains stopped for several minutes. Some minutes elapse. No signs of car proceeding. People who have to meet an engagement, cateh a train, or are otherwise pressed for time, feel very happy. Cries of “Go ahead!” “What ou waiting for?” “Is thisa sleeping “Half an hour for refreshments,” e launched at driver, Driver quietly sits upon car rail and whistles, “Jordan isa Hard Road to Trabel!” Finally in- dignant character gets up and goes to car door.) Indignant Character.—See here, driver, why don’t you go ahead? Driver.—Cause I can't. Indignant Chavacter.—W) —Party in the corner won't pay his e. Tcan't go ahead till all fares are paid. Indignant Character.—And you will ke a whole car-full of passengers waiting till the Lord knows when because one man won't— and rightly, too—press through the car to put his fare in the box? | Hums | {Driver does not deign to reply | fary Ann, Til Tell Your Ma,” and chirrups aifably to. passing young ladies upon the sidewalk. By-and-by a police- man appears, who upon driver's request | enters car to put off obstinate character. | ‘The sudden discovery is then made that | obstinate character hasn't been in the car | for fully five minutes, having quietly | glided out. Policeman glares savagely at driver. Passengers smilé audibly, all ex- | cept indignant character, who vows to sue railroad company for damages result- | ing from loss of time, and car proceeds on. Enter drunken character, bi and burly—regular ‘‘ Be Heavens” tomer and don’t you forget it. Proceeds to own the whole of it right a J Drunken Character.—Whoop! W pr all looking at? I’m—hie—full as a yoat, ad V'm glad of it. Lean lick anybody in the r! Putter my fare in der box, young tel- ler, [Timid character, otherwise “ Young Felle does so meekly. Drunken cha Th chal broad cus: acter abe sorbs his seat, next to drunken character blinks sw Drunken Character. yer Young Lady.—Sir' Drunken Yer a posy, and yer know it. For two cents I'd kiss yer, sis, | [Young lady flies up in affright. Drunken character reaches out his arms after hei Indignant character yells for driver. } Driver (putting his head in at door).— What's the kick? Indiqnant Character.—Can't you see? ‘That rutfian is grossly intoxicated. He is in- sulting that young lady. Put him ont. Driver.—Can't ? Indignant Character.—Why not ? Driver.—Can't leave the front platform. It's against the rules. Indiqnant Passenger. —Then a lady riding lone ina bob-tail car has absolutely no pro- ction against such insults or annoyance on the part of intoxicated men or so-called “mashers.” Driver,—None—less she protect herself. All we're put here for is to sce that everybody puts their fare in the bo (Meanwhile drunken character has made an attempt to embrace young lady. Muscular character calmly rises from re is a young lady daisy, ain't Character, | watching the fight TLL yy LLU LL LLL OL PRA THE CIGARETTE. MANIA. Bor or te Penton. step-ladider here for your customers hy ston't yer keep @ drunken follows, several character, Grand tree fight which hats are smashed in, ndows broken, two ladies faint, and the air is full of pro- fanity, Finally drunken eharacter_ is 1 otf of the back platform into the mud by muscular chara who mod- estly accepts congratulations of passe one or Driver comes into ear. Asks passe names and addresse: Inquisitive Character, What do you want my name and address tor? Driver.—Just tor fan's sake. While Twa I runs over a kid, and J want yer name so's yer kin testify that it wasn't my fault if the kid's folks growl ‘ he was run ove [Driver retires. Car goes ahead for a few blocks. Suddenly stops, Inquisitive Character,—Uriver, whatis the matter, now? Driver (storeally).—You will all have to out! Inquisitive Character.—What for? Driver.—Hoss dropped dead. Inquisitive Character.—Can we take the next car? Driver.—Cert, if yer pay yer five cents, Inquisitive Character.—But V've pai my fare to go to Fulton Ferry, It is not my fault that the horse is dead. I hadn't ought to pay twice. Driver,—Can't help it—it's rules, If yer ride in the next ear yer will have to pay your fare in the next car. Git out, all of yer! we're agoin’ to put the cav on der sidewalk. (Tableau, Quick curtain.) Ture last fy of sum Its buzzing compa But ezzs are bel is bleached and forlorn, ions are frosted and gone, ind them, though their race be run, his seat in the corner and goes for ye, ten to one!