Judge — October 29, 1881 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SURPRISE ALL ROUND. Tait recently our Doctor has been boast nut the other day this treasure Uhowghd le re After he had started down the bank the gig hau what a treasure he had in his i reash the gig je him 0 that lo THE JUDGE. Te rushed him into the midtle nme mar ” Doat, achere he sat quietly fis the ricer, could not nd fetched up witha shaft Dirough the Doctore ing, pitching the Doctor promptly into the stream, He is nov’ tooking for another treasure, Our Original Norristown Budget. It is explained thai “ Demijohn is a corrup- tion of Dame Jeanne.” We have always thought there was some ‘ corruption” about it. A Yo man, to be should never engage in bus with a capi- tal of five thor ld dollars or more, All biographies of selfmade men inform us that the richest and most successful persons in this country are those who started with “a hard-earned dollar or two.” A dollar or two easily earned, it may be inferred, would bring only disaster. A ne of petrified clams was recently found on the New Jersey coast. For cating pur- poses they are preferred to the other kind, as they are more eas . A FASHIONABLE young ted a cook- ing school the other afternoon, where her at- tention was equally divided between a new and the direc: Upon returning home she undertook to write down the recipe for the cake for her mother, and the old lady was paralyzed when she read: “Take two pounds of flour; ten rows of pleating down the front; the whites of two eggs cut bias; a pint of milk ruffled around the neck; half pound of currants with seven yards of bead trimming; grated lemon-peel with Spanish lace fichu; sti well and add a semi-fitting paletot with visite sleeves; butter the pan with Brazi necklace; garnish with icing and jetted pas- sementerie; bake ina moderately hot oven un- til the overskirt is tucked from the on either side, and finish with large satin bows.” Her mother said she wouldn't eat such a cake, and she thought these new-fan- suce ful in life, a gled ideas in cooking ought to be frowned down, A MAN doesn’t forget that there is a revised edition of the New Testament in existence with so much forgetfulness as when he goes fishing and catches the hook in the back of his neck. The King James version is the best panacea for such a trying moment, any- how. “Joun Keats has been dead si: and now the English government has gi lady a pension of four hundred dollars a year just for being his sister.” And it is not any too much. It is worth more than four hun- dred dollars a year to be the sister of some poets. For instance, we would strongly ob- ject to being the sister of Oscar Wilde for less than four thousand a year. We have had the language of flowers, the language of the glove, the language of the fan, and now some fellow has invented a ‘lan- guage of the necktic.” It is not complete, however. When the bow of a man’s necktie migrates around under the left ear it signifies “T'm (hic) drunk azer biled (hic) owl,” but this definition, singularly enough, is omitted. Prov. Huxiry asks : “If the sound of mu- sic don’t cause a dog acute pain, why does the animal sct up on its haunches and howl when a German band is doing its worst in the strect?” We'll tell you, professor. The dog s that way because it loves music, and is waiting for an opportunity to grab the leader of the band by the throat, It is not a sign that a dog doesn't love music because a street band makes him howl. Old Mendelssohn would sit up on his hind legs and howl, too, if he could hear gome of the street music of our day. ADA astronomer believes that the come to life and is growing an at- He also says it has ‘a sort of double appearance, which looks like a second- ary ‘ing the true moon.” That the moon is growing an atmosphere we are in- clined to doubt; but that it has a ‘double appearance” to the Nevada astronomer we can readily believe. But the remed ple. If he will join a temperance society and keep the pledge the moon will soon assume its normal condition, “Tue western goose-bone predicts a hard winter.” The western goose-bone invariably predictsa hard winter, As a weather prophet we have a much higher respect for the goose- bone than we have for the Canadian weather- r ‘The former doesn’t part its hair in the middle and publish an almanac full of ri- diculous weather which has to be revised five times a month, “ ALTONVILLE has a man with a horn com- ing out of his forehead.” He is certain curiosity ; but a man with a “horn” going in about two and a half inches below the fore- head is a very common sight. A CONGREGATION in Mooresburg is divided on the question of the propriety of its minister playing blindman’s but. To be sure, blind- man’s buff is not as intellectual and invigorat- ing as some other fireside game, but as long as one of the players don't “renig” or turn up a jack from the bottom, there's nothing very demoralizing in it. If we were a minis- ter, however, we'd prefer to play Copenhagen at a Sunday-school picnic. Copenhagen is a game in which the jack sometimes takes the queen—takes her right on the mouth, we've been told. Comichooks.c