Judge — October 29, 1881 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TH Ee J Ur D:GsE.. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING CO, Nos. 13 & 15 PARK ROW, N. Y. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. (Ustrep States axD CAxADAD One Copy, one year, or $2 numbers One Copy, six months, of 28 numbers. One Copy, for 13 WEEKS.....-.2ce0e0000 8a" POSTAGE VREE. “GO ress Tue Jopox Pret BETWEEN OURSELVES. Ihave started this paper for fun. Money is no object; let sordid souls seek that. I have got all I want. If money is forced upen me through the enterprise I shall found a hospital or a free beanery with it; my only object being to make people laugh and grow fat, so as to require more cloth for their clothes, in this way indirectly helping the manufacturing interests of the country. For my associates I have selected men who have made you laugh before, either with pen or pencil, and I trust you will shake hands with some of them every week and be happy. I have not come in to crowd anybody else out, but only to make one more to assist the world to see the joyous side of life, and if I fail to please it shall not be for want of trying. Yours truly, Tue JupcE. PRESIDENT ARTHUR. “Festina lente” should be the motto of those philosophers who are hastening to con- demn in advance the administration of Gen- eral Arthur to certain failure. The simple fact that President Arthur is a gentleman seems to be considered a point against him by many. Onc thing is certain, the President will be nohody’s tool. He will have advisers, but not dictators. Having his eye upon a second term, selfish interest, if nothing else, will lead him to make his present administra- tion as successful as possible, and prevent him from lessening the stock of political capital he hopes to acquire with that end in view. But higher and better motives, we have no doubt, may be safely predicated of him, and we cx- pect General Arthur to take the highest views of his great responsibilities, and to act for what he shall consider the best interests of the nation. A NEW COOK. We have it on good authority that Cook, the Excursionist and the terror of European routes of travel, is about to have a rival in the person of Mr. John Kelly. The little pic- nics in which Mr. Kelly has of late been in- dulging—notably the recent excursion to Al- bany—are but the forerunners of projected tours through Europe to be conducted by Mr. Kelly himself. Notice the nerve and dash with which his cohorts are assembled, the success- ful railway arrangements, the satisfactory hotel accommodations, and you will readily see that Mr. Kelly is rapidly 2 -oming an ex- pert at the business, When is he going to get his circulars out announcing his great trans- atlantic scheme? We hope it may be soon. PARNELL. Charles Stewart Parnell is. in jail, and Gladstone may snatch a few moments for re- searches in Homeric lore before the next move is made in this little game of Might against Right. The English, being a nation of shop-keepers, seem to think they ought not to be expected to have even a casual idea above the immediate interest of their tills. If it pays, or seems to pay, to keep an alien race in subjection, all questions of moral right are dismissed at once. Righteousness is all very well to teach in schools, but a Ministry which should proceed in reference to Ireland upon simple principles of justice and rectitude, would ‘speedily have an opportunity to breathe the exhilarating ozone of opposition. Some premiers may be better than others, in many ways, but they are all deaf to the claims of decency when Ireland speaks. They must be cured of this little habit of deafness. But who will furnish the physician? What methods will prove successful in the issue? From the experience of the past, the Irish ogitators should learn wisdom for the future. Times change, and methods should change with them. WHERE'S OLD USELESS ? A genial bagman, eloquent upon but two subjects, his business prowess and the war, was wont to regale his friends with a little story, which he had a way of telling with great gusto. It seems that the modern Ulys- ses, working, not sulking’ like that other Greek, in his tent one day, was called upon to punish what he was pleased to consider a flagrant case of Jese majeste. A field tele- graph operator, troubled with a painful sense of tardiness, rushes into the tent, and not observing that the Gencral was present, exclaims ‘Where's old Useless?” Grant, looking up from his table, inconti- nently orders him to the guard-house, where he is foreed to languish for the space of sev- eral hours, until, in fact, his electrical ser- vices are peremptorily required. It is witha diffidence approaching hesitation that we, in common with the rest of the world, are moved in the most delicate manner possible, to in- quire, in view of the present situation in national politics : Where is old Useless? Does he loom to any great extent as the next Secretary of State? Or would the En- glish Mission be more in keeping with his re- fined tastes? Will he be a brilliant figure in the next dazzling combination of the political kaleidoscope? How would he fancy the post- office in Jersey City? CORNWALLIS. marry law of primogeniture t To thee it is we owe our land secure. For had Cornwallis been a second son, ‘The Yankees at Yorktown might not have won. Had he but been perchance a younger brother, Then might the fight’s result have been “quite other.” And you, dear reader, your most loyal self, Might now be but the minion of a Guelph. ‘Then might the Golden Gate, all white with sails, Shout with Manhattan for the Prince of Wales; And all the land, from Quogue to Delaware, ‘Tremble beneath a Zulu-Fenian scare. Then might oar valorous fleet depart our shores, To pick up a disturbance with the Boers, And a fresh ship sail every other day, To keep intruding Russians from Bombay. Bat Lord Cornwallis there at Yorktown met Washington, Rochambeau, and Lafayette, He found the Yankees just a little * too,” And went to fight the tigers and Tippoo. THE NEWARK SUNDAY. Newark is not Berlin, and the noticns of the proper observance of Sunday which pre- vail in Germany are not coincident with the ideas upon this subject which are held by the majority of Americans. We do not sce why a few Germans in New Jersey, and other parts of the country, should take it upon themselves to offend the popular sentiment in this regard. This secularization of the Sabbath has become very marked in such Western cities as Cleve- land, Chicago and Milwaukee, where there are many German residents. And it seems to be spreading eastward with rapid strides We think that our German and French citi- zens owe it to themselves not to countenance the efforts of a small proportion of their num- ber to bring upon the whole class the odium of willfully shocking the moral sense of the community by the further secularization of Sunday. Ir is very easy for England to arrest a leader like Parnell. But where one such agi- tator is arrested another will be ready to take his place, Now, if England could arrest the suffering and discontent in Ireland, something would be gained in the cause of humanity. But the Irish question seems to be as far from settlement as ever. FASHIONABLE ladies (heaven bless ‘em and dréss ‘em) look like peacocks this year. In- deed, that feathery bird seems to have gone out of the show business entirely, convinced evidently that he is too tame in colors to at- tract any attention. TIGHT-LEGGED trousers are becoming the lum tum proper caper again, Think of it, you spindlelegged, double-knee-cay ped swells who have so long hidden your anatomical im- perfections in baggy breeches! But you can pad. ENNOR is mad on account of so many failures this summer, and says we shan't have any weather at all during the remainder of this month. Oscar WILDE is reported to be suffering from the recoil of his latest poem. comicbooks.com