Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, April 1923 · page 64 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #44 — page 64: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This column by "Gus, the Hired Man" contrasts city and country life, using sharp social satire. The author mocks urban women's fashion (silk stockings, short skirts, makeup) by comparing them to sex workers of an earlier era, implying modern city women are similarly frivolous and morally loose. The piece's central argument is that city dwellers pursue shallow pleasures and lack commitment—couples separate quickly, practice birth control instead of having children. Rural people, by contrast, embody virtue: couples stay together "until one of 'em gets toted out feet first," have children naturally, and maintain fidelity without "silk sox or birth control lectures." The closing metaphor equates wives to work animals ("team," "breeching"), sarcastically suggesting rural men don't abandon their spouses as casually as city men do with romantic partners. The satire mocks both urban modernity and rural attitudes simultaneously—urbanites for materialism and sexual looseness, rural folk for their implicit comparison of marriage to livestock management.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
64 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang Cogitations of a Cow Valet By GUS, the Hired Man I see the town furniture stores specialize on twin beds and the department stores on silk stockings and satin pajamas for females. I don't suppose there was ever a twin bed delivered in our township but there have been several twin baby buggies required. When I see the smart town women trotting up and down, all undressed and painted up, it always reminds me of the good old days when short skirts and silk hose and powder and paint were the sign of the women who did their housekeeping in one room and acquired their education under the dim glow of a crimson candelabra. The good old urge gets the town folks about the same as it does the country folks but with this delicate distinction; the urge generally gets the town couple together and apart as quickly as it can be arranged conveniently; in the country the urge gets children, and love, and fellowship, and fidelity, without requiring any silk sox or birth control lectures. Out here on the farm when a young fellow and a girl hook up he climbs into his cotton flannel night shirt, and she into hers, and they do their working and their jawing and their snoring right alongside each other until one of 'em gets toted out feet first. We don't have many winter amusements, but when we get a team that pulls together without breaking more than one breeching a month, we don't hasten off and swop one of 'em for a young mule, or a strange bay mare.