Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, April 1923 · page 38 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #44 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical magazine page contains three separate humor pieces: 1. **Twin Beds Complaint**: Mocks the modern fashion of twin beds in bedrooms, presented as impractical for couples. The joke relies on marital innuendo—beds too narrow for comfort but implying impediments to intimacy. 2. **Swiss Customs Joke**: The main satire targets post-WWI economic conditions. German currency (the mark) had collapsed in value, so women would cross into Germany, buy cheap lingerie, and smuggle it back into Switzerland. Swiss customs officials supposedly had to examine women so thoroughly (and repeatedly) that eight officials went blind from the duty—hence needing tin cups and guide dogs as beggars. It's crude sexual humor about customs inspections. 3. **Philosophy Fragment**: An unrelated closing piece about intellectual versus physical existence. The humor is bawdy and relies on readers understanding 1920s currency crisis and post-war European conditions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
38 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang IN OUR travels, it has been our misfortune to run against twin beds once or twice. They may be the fashion all right but I just can't seem to get used to them. Mrs. Bill describes them as “the abomination of modern civilization. They are neither com- fortable for two nor satisfactory for one.” * * * LET'S go to Europe, boys. There has been quite a rush of men to try and join the Swiss Customs. Owing to the low value of the mark in Germany, ladies, suitably dressed —or perhaps “undressed” is the correct word— have been crossing the frontier into Germany. They then proceed to invest in complete outfits of those fluffy things that men never see—lin- gerie of all descriptions. Every woman crossing from Switzerland must undergo a thorough customs examination. And as all wearing apparel has to be stamped with its country of origin, she has to be examined coming back as well. Eight of the hard-working officials already have had to invest in little tin cups, faithful dogs on the ends of string, and brass plates marked “Pity the poor Blind.” * * * Animal existence is not life. I have seen intellectual imbeciles as fat as pork and as rosy as health and as vigorous as life and as men- tally dead as a door mat. God may use ignorant men, but God has no use for the ignorance of