Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, July 1922 · page 40 of 67
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #35 — page 40: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three humorous poems from an early 20th-century American satirical magazine: **"If the Park Benches Could Talk"** imagines park benches gossiping about romantic scandals they've witnessed—specifically mentioning "Katie Thomas" suing for breach of promise and "Stupid Willie" making a romantic conquest of "Millie." The joke depends on readers recognizing these appear to be references to local scandals or common romantic mishaps. **"The Lumber-jack Blues"** humorously catalogs summer pest infestations (ants, roaches, bedbugs, insects) that torment workers during warm months—likely resonating with working-class readers. **"Song of Uncle Sam"** satirizes American money flowing overseas, requesting it be returned. The final poem jokes about Prohibition by suggesting home-brewing as a solution to constant thirst. The overall tone is lighthearted social commentary targeting everyday frustrations and romantic indiscretions. No specific political figures are caricatured; instead, the satire targets universal human experiences and popular anxieties of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 39 If the Park Benches Could Talk On each pleasant summer evening On the benches in the park, You'll see spooney-loony lovers Telling love tales after dark; But I wonder, yes, I wonder, If the benches but could talk Would the ladies stop to listen As they took their evening walk. If the benches in the park could only talk Would their conversation give us all a shock; Would they tell why Katie Thomas Sued a chap for breach of promise If the benches in the park could only talk. If the benches in the park could only talk I wonder would they boost or would they knock Would they tell how Stupid Willie Made that awful hit with Millie If the benches in the park could only talk. * * * The Lumber-jack Blues As June approaches ants and roaches From their holes come out, And mice and rats, in spite of cats, They sure run about. Bedbugs bite you in the night As on the bed you slumber And insects crawl through room and hall In squads without a number. * * * Song of Uncle Sam My money lies over the ocean My money lies over the sea; O give them a strong sleeping potion And bring back my money to me. * * * Thirsty days hath September, April, June and November; The other months are thirsty, too, Unless you make your own home-brew!