Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, June 1922 · page 31 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #34 — page 31: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is gossip-column satire mocking Hollywood scandals and morality. The piece ridicules several figures in a divorce involving Carroll Fleming (a studio extra with dubious credentials), "Al," and Mrs. Maude Delmonte. "Al" divorced his wife for friendliness with Fleming, complaining Fleming performed domestic chores at his home—absurdly trivial grounds. Mrs. Delmonte subsequently inherited $25,000 and was deemed too dishonest to testify at "Fatty's trial" (likely referring to Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle's notorious 1921-22 scandal). The satire notes she now frequents Tijuana bars with "Al," living lavishly despite her untrustworthiness. The broader joke: post-WWI chaos has exhausted Cupid himself, making romantic entanglements impossible to untangle. The closing quip about Deacon Hawkins represents moralistic hypocrisy—judging women's behavior while glossing over the messier male deceptions above.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 29 just divorced her for being too friendly to Carrol Fleming while he and Mrs. Delmonte were motoring north toward the St. Frantic. Fleming is an extra at the studios and claims to be an ex-millionaire, boxer, aviator, British army officer, etc. “Al” complained that Fleming washed the dishes, wound the clock and put out the cat in his own home while he was attending Fatty’s party in San Francisco. He was granted a decree. Then—some people have too much gosh darn luck—somebody left Mrs. Maude Delmonte $25,000. The authorities said she couldn’t be trusted to tell the truth during two consecutive moments, so they wouldn’t let her testify at Fatty’s trial. She should worry, however. Whenever Whiz Bang’s investigators visit Tiajuana, the home of the open drinking bouts in the northwest corner of Mexico, Mrs. Delmonte and “Al” are seen propping the bars. Mrs. Delmonte now gowns herself like Mrs. Astor’s pet horse and treats “Al” just swell. If fate just happened to throw all these people together for a brief week, Cupid would have to buy a whole coil of new copper wire. Perhaps it isn’t Cupid’s fault after all. Perhaps Cupid is no longer pink and fat, but old and gray from his untangling exertions of “ever since the war.” * * * Deacon Hawkins says the worst sight of all is to see a pretty woman spit.