Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, June 1922 · page 14 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #34 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a poem titled "Captain Billy's Whiz Bang," presented as a contribution from an unknown writer (with a humorous disclaimer blaming "Gus" for any quality issues). The poem is a first-person narrative celebrating life's extremes and contradictions. It catalogs the speaker's experiences across social classes and circumstances: dining with the wealthy versus starving in poverty, dancing in grand ballrooms versus performing native dances in mud, commanding servants versus begging as a vagrant, experiencing luxury and terror alike. The tone is satirical and somewhat cynical—the speaker boasts of vast experience while acknowledging life's unpredictability. References to "Caruso" (the famous opera singer), "Mammon" (wealth/greed), and the "bughouse ward" (asylum) ground it in early 20th-century American culture. The final stanza abandons pretense: despite all these experiences, the speaker admits uncertainty about enemies and friends, ending with a casual toast to camaraderie—a wry acknowledgment that life's lessons teach humility alongside adventure.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
12 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang "masterpiece" from an unknown pen, don't blame it on Gus. You know I've traveled in so many different climates lately that my "coco" is not quite plumb.) I have often wined and feasted At the boards of famous men; And I've appeased my hunger In a goo goo's reeking den. I've flirted with a dainty thing All creamy-white and pink, And loved her heathen sister With a skin as black as ink. I've one-stepped in a ballroom With a thousand lights aflood; I have danced the native "coochee" On a floor composed of mud; Fevered, toiled in many places, Where the wheels of Man.mon hum; And I've known those stretching spaces Where the silence strikes you dumb. I have had a staff of servants At my daily beck and call; And, as a "down-and-outer," I have learned to cringe and crawl. Laughed in ecstasy in having All that health and wealth afford; And I've shrieked aloud with terror In a pauper's bughouse ward. I have been the chosen leader Through a wild, carousing night; I have crouched down, mighty homesick, By the lonely camp-fire's light. Caruso's voice has charmed me To that fairy land of dream; And I've wakened in the blackness, To a hungry coyote's scream. I have had those many ups and downs Which on a man attend; I've got perhaps some enemies, I might have made a friend. So, here's to you! whoe'er you be, Old pal! I wish you well;