Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, May 1922 · page 29 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #33 — page 29: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This poem satirizes self-righteous moral reformers, particularly those pushing Prohibition. "Sir Sycophant Smug" represents a hypocritical do-gooder who claims to champion the poor while actually seeking personal wealth through moral crusades. The satire targets the reformer's agenda: banning alcohol, closing saloons, outlawing dancing and tobacco, even abolishing baseball—all presented as schemes to manipulate "suckers" into supporting his movement while he profits (notably from the chewing gum industry, which would benefit from tobacco prohibition). The poem mocks the contradiction between reformers' claimed benevolence and their actual greed and contempt for ordinary people's pleasures. It reflects 1920s-era skepticism toward Prohibition advocates, portraying them as sanctimonious frauds imposing joyless morality on working people. The crude jokes below ("From Gus, Our Lyrical Liar" and the "Honey/hives" pun) are typical Whiz Bang filler humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 27 The Modern Don Quixote Written for the Whiz Bang by the author of “The Face Upon the Floor.” By H. A. D’Arcy. Sir Sycophant Smug, of doubtful renown, Was probably raised in a jerk-water town, He early resolved he would make a great name, And slyly looked out to accomplish the same. A slacker at heart, he refused to think Of soiling his hands with hammer or ink. When they asked him to work, he tossed up his head, And declared he would be a reformer instead. “I intend to do something for evil or good, Some graft that will make me a rich livelihood.” A brilliant idea came into his mind, No piker reward, but millions behind. “The morality game is an excellent bet, And the suckers will swarm to get into my net, I will go for the babies who live at their ease, With my gift of the gab I can easily squeeze Their cheque books and purses of money galore, If I tell them I want to give help to the poor.” The scheme that this gay Don Quixote now planned Was to stop all the drinking of booze in the land. No wine, Beer or Spirits should cheer the poor guy, Unless he were rich and could seize a supply. He closed the saloons and promised in time, To show dancing an evil and kissing a crime. A ban on tobacco, if possibly made, Would bring him a fortune from chewing gum trade. Base-ball he’d abolish, the joy of the fan, In fact, he would block all the pleasures of man. So here’s to Sir Sycophant, curse on his name, May his backers discover the truth of his game. May he live till his ego like dish water ooze And roll down to — — — in a barrel of booze. * * * From Gus, Our Lyrical Liar Your chickens gave me lots of work, I think you ought to slay them, They never seemed to find their things In the place they thought they laid ’em. * * * He called her Honey because she had the hives.