Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, April 1922 · page 40 of 67
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #32 — page 40: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three pieces of humor and one memorial tribute from an early 20th-century American satirical magazine. The main content is an **eulogy for Riley Grannan**, apparently a public figure known for charitable work. The poetic passage praises him as a "public benefactor" who used wealth and influence to alleviate human suffering. Below are three brief **comedic anecdotes**: 1. **"Something Wrong"** plays on marital discord—Little Willie finds it odd his parents are going out together, implying they normally don't spend time together. 2. **"Help! Help!"** is a reversal joke: Jones yells for burglars rather than police, because he considers the policeman in his cellar (apparently conducting a raid or investigation) to be the greater threat. This satirizes police conduct or corruption—suggesting law enforcement is more dangerous than actual criminals. These jokes reflect period attitudes about police reliability and domestic relationships typical of early 1900s American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 39 curtain of the occident across the sleeping room of the sun. 'God wakes the coy maid of the morning to step timidly from her boudoir of darkness, to climb the steep of the orient, to fling wide the gates of morning and to trip o'er the landscape, kidding the flowers in her flight. She arouses the world to herald with their music the coming of her King, who floods the world with effulgent gold.' These are wasted sunbeams. Are they? I say to you that the man or woman who by the use of money or power is able to smooth one wrinkle from the brow of human care or to change one moan or sob into a song, or to wipe away a tear, and to place in its stead a jewel of joy, is a public benefactor. Such was Riley Grannan. "The time has come to say goodbye. For the friends and loved ones not here to say the word, let me say goodbye, old man. We will try to exemplify the spirit of your life as we bear the grief at our parting. Words fail me here. Let those flowers, Riley, with their petaled lips and perfumed breath, speak in beauty and fragrance these sentiments too tender for words. Goodbye." * * * Something Wrong Little Willie—Ma, is Pop taking you out to dinner tonight? Mother— Yes, then to the theatre. Little Willie—What's the matter? * * * Help! Help! "Burglars! Burglars!" cried Jones, sticking his head out of the window and yelling like mad. "What's the row, mister?" asked a passerby. "For heaven's sake, friend, send a burglar here—there's a policeman in my cellar."