Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, April 1922 · page 21 of 67
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #32 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces from the Prohibition era (likely 1920s), all mocking alcohol consumption and its justifications: **"Soliloquy of a Hooch-hound"** parodies flowery, pseudo-philosophical language to expose the self-deception of alcoholics. The speaker grandiosity compares drinking "King Alcohol" to natural healing forces, pretending it brings "compassion and philanthropy"—when actually it's escapism from moral emptiness. The satire mocks both drinkers' rationalizations and the era's pretentious speech. **"The Diff'unce"** contrasts two men: "Percival" (upper-class name, chews gum, dances refined) versus "John" (working-class, chews tobacco, fights). The joke suggests class differences are superficial—both are crude. **"Special For the Clergy"** satirizes clerical hypocrisy during Prohibition. A bootlegger seeks penance; the confused priest calls his superior, who casually reveals *he* bribes bootleggers with five dollars—implying clergy routinely break Prohibition laws. The joke exposes institutional corruption masquerading as moral authority.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 19 Soliloquy of a Hooch-hound When my soul becomes clogged with evil deeds, my mind and conscience inundated with hideous hallucinations, and my heart dry and acrid with the pain of living, I imbue my soul, my heart, my mind with King Alcohol. Then, as the morning breeze dissipates the fog, the kindly King cleanses my soul; as the sun dries and purifies the stagnant swamp, so Alcohol transforms the morass of my mind into a verdant meadow; as the spring rains change the desolation of winter into flowers and grain, so my lord and master changes the cynical, skeptical desert of my heart into an oasis of compassion and philanthropy. That's why I drink. * * * The Diff'unce Percival chews Spearmint, John, Virginia twist; Percy shakes a wicked hoof, And John, a wicked fist. * * * Special For the Clergy “Father,” explained the visitor to the priest, “I ask pennance for the sin of bootlegging.” Father Kelly was puzzled and telephoned the superior father for advice. “What shall I give a bootlegger, Very Rev- erend Sir?” the priest inquired. “Don’t give him more than five dollars,” came the answer. “That’s all I ever pay.”