Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, December 1921 · page 14 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #28 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces referencing Prohibition-era humor and scandals. The first section mocks the narrator's failure to uphold Prohibition principles (named after Andrew Volstead, who sponsored the Volstead Act). The speaker attended a brewery event clutching "near beer" (non-alcoholic substitute) while supposedly following medical orders for milk—a transparent excuse for drinking. The satire targets hypocrisy around Prohibition enforcement. The second section references **Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle**, a famous silent-film comedian whose party allegedly became scandalous (likely referring to the 1921 incident where a guest died; Arbuckle was accused but acquitted). The text promises to relay gossip about how party guests "devised" ways to entertain themselves—suggesting illicit activities—though the passage cuts off before specifics appear. Both sections satirize the gap between Prohibition's ideals and actual behavior among the wealthy and famous.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
12 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang after Eltinge had brought tears of joy to mem- bers of this famous gathering? Like the lowly backward shyster of pedi- greed bull that I am, I failed to carry out the principles of my “deah” old friend Volstead. (This effort calls for one Scotch heeball.) So I walked upon the brewery stage. And when I made my bow I’ll tell you one thing which every ball player and umpire of Southern Cali- fornia will verify. The stein of near beer was clutched fondly in my sturdy right hand. It was a rotten speech—in fact, no speech at all. My Los Angeles physician had prescribed that I take “one tablespoonful in milk every hour.” The milkman and my watch both went hay-wire. But I had a good time—an elegant time and awakened next day with fond remembrances of the morning after the night before. * * * T HERE are still a few rumbling in San Francisco regarding Arbuckle and his now famous party. The stories they tell are wonderful to listen to by way of teaching us farmers what strange means certain persons have devised to get a kick out of life. For instance, as my friend Barney Google would say, take this little “roomer”: Two of the numerous members of the party decided to entertain their guests—the party was “dragging” as it were. The form of en- tertainment provided so I am told, was the kind