Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, October 1921 · page 64 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #25 — page 64: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two humorous stories from *Captain Billy's Whiz Bang*, an early 20th-century satirical magazine. **"Our Exchange Story"** recounts an anecdote about Lord Kitchener (the actual British military leader who reorganized Indian forces) and an officer named Kenilworth. The joke's punchline hinges on constancy in love: Kitchener is impressed that Kenilworth remained committed to marriage after a year's reflection, but the final twist reveals the officer's commitment was to *marriage itself*, not to the same woman—implying he'd fallen in love with someone else during his furlough, undercutting Kitchener's sentimental praise. **"It Can't Be Done"** is a brief comedic dialogue where a superior officer ("the Topper") orders Riley to dress up formally, but Riley protests he cannot afford proper dress on his meager pay of thirty cents ("beans"). The humor derives from the impossible class gap between military rank and soldier's wages. Both stories mock military hierarchy and expose financial hardship among enlisted men.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
62 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang Our Exchange Story In the days when Lord Kitchener, the in- vincible bachelor, was remaking the British In- dian forces, a youthful officer asked for a fur- lough to go home and be married. Kitchener listened patiently, and then spoke kindly. “Kenilworth, you’re not yet twenty-five. You’re in the midst of a piece of work I value and which you’re doing excellently. Wait a year. By that time you’ll have cleaned the slate and tried out your own mind. If then you still de- sire to do this thing, speak to me again, and you shall have leave; and I’ll take you back on the staff afterwards.” The year passed, and the officer once more proffered his request. “And you really tell me,” asked Kitchener, “that after thinking it over for twelve months you still wish to marry?” “Yes, sir, very much indeed.” “Adjutant,” commanded Kitchener, “Kenilworth is to have furlough to go to his own wedding. And frankly, my boy, I scarcely thought there was so much constancy in the masculine world.” Kenilworth about faced and marched to the door, but there turned and said, “Thank you, sir. Only it’s not the same woman.” * * * It Can’t Be Done “Dress up,” roared the Topper, “y’ grinnin’ ba- boon; “Dress up,” bawled the Topper, “y’ half-witted loon.” “How can I?” asked Riley, adjusting his spur. “How can I dress up on thirty beans per?”