Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, July 1921 · page 47 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #22 — page 47: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous anecdote mocking Prohibition-era "near beer"—a low-alcohol substitute (0.5% ABV) that became legal during the alcohol ban. The joke centers on two naive young men, Algernon and Clarence, who treat this nearly non-alcoholic beverage as if it were genuine beer, describing exaggerated intoxication symptoms: singing urges, uncontrollable laughter, wild behavior. The satire targets both Prohibition's absurdity and the youth's gullibility. By describing modest near beer consumption as causing dramatic drunkenness, the author ridicules how people either actually deceived themselves about near beer's effects or pretended it worked to appear more worldly. The final image of the old dog biting suggests impending chaos—implying even animals respond negatively to such nonsense. The piece satirizes 1920s alcohol restrictions and youthful foolishness simultaneously.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 45 Monkey Shines Two young men were riding on a street car which I chanced to squeeze onto with some 249 other adults. “I took my first drink last night, Algernon,” said one of the pair. “Did you, Clarence? Honestly, where did you get it?” queried the other. “Down at a near beer parlor. It was real near beer, too, with one-half of one per cent alcohol and everything.” “I’ve been drinking, too,” said the other; “I had two whole glasses of near beer the other night. I was going to a party, you know, and wanted to get plenty of pep.” “Did you drink your near beer straight, or did you dilute it with water?” asked Clarence. “I drank it straight. I wanted to get the full kick. Straight, you know, with a coupla chasers.” “I certainly went crazy after I took that drink, though. I thought I was going to try to sing at first,” said Clarence. “I hope none of my friends saw the way I acted after I took that near beer the other night,” Algernon put in. “I went batty right away. I started telling all sorts of funny jokes and laughing ridiculously. Went to see my girl immediately after, and she said she could tell I had been drinking after I told her. She promised not to tell it, though.” The two young men got off the car about this time, and a grizzled old dog sitting in front of me bit the