Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, May 1921 · page 13 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #20 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is gossip-column satire about 1920s Hollywood scandals. The text mocks silent-film celebrities' marital dealings, specifically: **Mildred Harris** ("Charlie's used-to-be"—Charlie Chaplin's ex-wife) who led a formal "Grand March" with actor **Earl Williams**. The piece satirizes payoffs surrounding their marriages: Williams allegedly paid $40,000 to settle a pre-marital relationship after his wedding; Harris received ~$200,000 from Chaplin upon their separation. The author sarcastically "calculates" that Earl and Mildred collectively profited $160,000 from these matrimonial deals. The opening paragraphs discuss acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior at public gatherings—contrasting rowdy but "masculine" men drinking with effeminate guests, using derogatory language ("sissy simps," "queer folk"). The final line mentions "Mary and Doug" (likely Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks) pointedly *not* mingling—suggesting celebrity social hierarchies or scandal avoidance.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang 11 uneasily away as the queer folk swung simpering and smirking among them? Take the two merry boys with the bottles in the main dining-room, a little wild, perhaps, and making somewhat of a show—but, withal, regular men taking a lark as they found it—maybe somewhat “lit up,” but exuding rough masculinity in their uncouth playfulness. To be censured? One regular he-man, or a party of them, invaded under ordinary circumstances by queer-acting custom-ers, would make short shift of “sissy simps” and abide by the consequences—there being small reason to fear consequences. But a public gathering is different. By the way, Mildred Harris (Charlie’s used-to-be) led the Grand March with Earl Williams. It is remem-bered that Williams recently, after his marriage, paid a certain lady a sum (reputed to be $40,000) as a result of a friendship which existed prior to the picture star’s entrance into matrimony. They are getting to be very businesslike, these ladies. They give, but demand payment at times. But if Earl Williams parted with $40,000, his partner in the dance, fair Mildred, was rejoicing in a little sum of $200,000 or so, which is the amount Charles is said to have settled upon her when they parted at the ways. Bookkeeping on the leaders of the Grand March, it would appear that Earl and Mildred, between them, were $160,000 ahead of the matrimonial deal, figuring Earl’s loss of $40,000 and Mildred’s winnings of two hundred grand. Mary and Doug did not mingle with the ballroom