Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, January 1921 · page 44 of 68
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang #16 — page 44: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page reprints a humorous poem by Lewis Allen that playfully updates an earlier evolutionary satire by Langdon Smith. The poem traces human evolution from prehistoric tadpoles and fish through amphibians to modern humans, using 1920s slang and dance references (tangos, fox-trots, "hep") to create anachronistic humor. The satire works on multiple levels: it mocks both evolutionary theory and contemporary modernity. The speaker nostalgically claims ancestral creatures were happier and less anxious than modern humans—"we had no pains, and that was going some"—despite lacking brains. The final jab suggests humans today are *less* content than our primitive predecessors, despite technological advancement (the wristwatch reference). This reflects 1920s anxieties about progress and modernization, suggesting that civilization and sophistication may have made life worse rather than better. The poem is lighthearted satire of both pseudo-scientific evolutionary thinking and contemporary social discontent.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
42 Captain Billy's Whiz Bang Evolution Up to Date In the December issue we had the original Langdon Smith's "Evolution." Now steps forth Lewis Allen with a much more modern expression on the tadpole and fish idea. This is it: By Lewis Allen. When you were a tadpole and I was a fish In the palaeozoic time, 'Twas side by side near the ebbing tide We tangoed through the slime. We skittered with many a caudal flip Through the maze of each fox-trot step, For we had the craze in those ancient days— To the dance stuff we were hep. Mindless we lived, and mindless we loved, And mindless we passed away-- Which all goes to show that long ago Our brains were the brains of today. The world turned on "in the lathe of time" With many a mighty twist. We were normal then, beyond your ken. No watch adorned your wrist! We were amphibians, scaled and tailed, And garbed in the latest style. We coiled at ease, 'neath the dripping trees, Or played with a crocodile. Croaking and blind, with our side-laced feet, Writing a language dumb, Though we had no brains, we had no pains, And that was going some. Yet happy we lived, and happy we loved, And happy we went our way, And believe me, kid, when I say we did, Which is more than we do today. And the aeons came, and the aeons fled, And days came with the nights, To our surprise, we all had eyes, So we took in the sights. Then light and swift through the jungle trees We swung from bough to bough,