Beadle's New York Dime Library No. 32 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

18 Beadle’s Dime Library. —— floor and bed,” replied She-cargo, and he blurt- ly laughed. “Never mind the appearance of things,” ob- served Joggles, who seemed to be extremely attentive to the invalid, ‘‘for we will stand by you, and take you into our fold.” ‘‘ Hush!” whispered Tim. It proved to be the steps of a student, who occupied an adjoining room. *‘ All’s well,” announced Jog. ‘‘ Now, then, we must keep our last night’s spree to our- selves, for the very devil would be to pay if it leaked out. Now, then, She-cargo, do you go to my room and bring clean pillow-cases and shcets, and mind that no one observes you on your way back.” ‘‘ All right, Jog.” ** And bring, in this tumbler, a little of my good brandy, out of the black bottle.” ‘All understood, Jog.” ‘““Remember—out of ‘the black bottle,” whispered Joggles, as his chum was about to vacate the premises. She-cargo nodded his head. ‘‘ Open the other window, there, Tim, for it smells in here like a nest of young cats,” spoke up Joggles. He obeyed the command. ‘‘ Now, Mr. Boggs, just jump out of bed— dress yourself, and you will find that a little exercise will do you good.” ‘* But I am so sick,” moaned Boggs. ** Never mind—my prescription will put you all right.” ‘‘But I never drink spirituous liquors, Mr. Joggles—” ‘¢ Well, you’ve got to learn, so you might as well introduce the custom first as last.” ‘* Especially when your stomach is out of order, as it is this morning,” added Tim, with one of his affectionate looks. She-cargo soon returned, with bed-clothes and brandy. Boggs was hustled out of bed, much against his wishes—and by the persua- sive eloquence of the immortal Joggles, in- duced to swallow a stout horn of brandy. The poor fellow looked chap-fallen enough, as he sat in a chair, sighing over his indisposition. “ There, that will do you good, Mr. Boggs— not only settle your stomach, but bring back old color in your face. There’s nothing like a little good brandy, when a person feels a little out of sorts, particularly of a morning after a hard night’s spree. I actually do think,” con- tinued on Joggles, in his easy, jocund way, ‘that it has saved my life oceans of times, par- ticularly in New Orleans—” ‘There, he begins to look and act better al- ready,” interrupted She-cargo. ‘Oh, yes, I know; and there are any quap- tity of live doctors, who are a deuced sight more ignorant than I am, after all,” and Jog- gles brought this out rather in an important way. ey must confess that I do feel better,” re- marked Boggs. ‘* Good,” cried Tim. ‘‘Oh, I can never practice smoking in my life—never,” sighed Boggs. ‘‘ Well, it’s a bad practice, anyhow,” was Joggles’s rejoinder. ‘* And you should have added drinking, al- so,” observed Tim. ‘¢ Perhaps,” replied Jog. At last they got poor Boggs dressed, his room put in complete order, and this they did themselves, for fear of exposure. Then came a long lecture in regard to keeping mum about the whole affair. Boggs promised, like 4 man, “never to open his mouth” about the affair, let whatever might happen. This was suffi- cient, and each shook hands with him on the strength of the vow given. They planned a story for him, should any member of the Fac- ulty question him in regard to his indisposi- tion, “Call it dizziness—bleeding at the nose,” suggested Joggles. ‘But I must not fib, gentlemen, although I must confess that I do feel rather confused in the head just now,” and Boggs reeled to and fro when he attempted to walk across the floor. Joggles winked to his chums—bit his under- lip, and looking mischievously, remarked: ‘‘Oh, yes, I perceive it, and just have that story to teil, ‘dizziness, and so forth,’ and you won’t fib, Mr. Boggs. As Joggles made this remark, Boggs ob- served that he should lock the door of his room, “IT should say so, too, from the looks of the Le after they had taken their departure, and lay down on the bed, ‘Oh no, oh no, Mr. Boggs, take exercise, eat lightly, and it will be much better for you—” ‘Certainly, certainly,” added Tim. * Of course,” remarked She-cargo, ‘“‘But—but, don’t you see, I can’t walk straight, gentlemen,” protested Boggs, in a sor- rowful tone of speech. ‘* Why, can’t you?’ spoke up Joggles, with a smile, ‘‘T’m drunk—that brandy has done it all.” Joggles was highly elated. LIBER XIII. MonTus passed. The ‘ Philistine Society ” continued to hold their secret meetings, from time to time, with great eclat. Among the private cliques, none prospered under so strict and vigilant rules, as did the Society, for every move was systematic and profoundly secret. Other private cliques were jealous, but their jealousy amounted to nothing in the end. The great question to solve was in regard to the ‘‘Important Items of the Week;” who were the main ‘ wire-pullers”—who the guilty ones? Though a strict watch was kept; and every vigilance exercised to discover the perpetrators, in no one instance had the guilty parties been discovered. The plans of the ** Philistines” were so well laid, so resolutely carried out, and so closely screened from ‘‘ out- siders,” that they puzzled and mystified the Faculty, while the public attributed it to an “‘unholy alliance ”’ with a certain “ gentleman in black,” whose residence is below-stairs. During all this hubbub, the renowned ‘ Phil- istines”? continued on holding their meetings in a certain large room, pretty well up-town— drinking good brandy from the favorite old five-gallon demijohn, and smoking the best of cigars, which said Society furnished. That these ‘‘ Philistines ” were up to all man- ner of deviltry, we will not deny; yet their moves were not suchas came within the eye of the Law! Asa general thing, the Juniors rule at colleges, universities and institutions—and their youngest member is made the pet, or in other words, the tool of their clique, whois put on, while the others stand back and assist him. But here, in this case, there arose above them —yea, above the Seniors—an independent clique, made up from the several Societies, who at once took command themselves, leaving the Juniors far in the rear. And hence arose the disturbance—the jealousy, from every quarter, against the ‘‘ Philistines,” While the Juniors could stoop to impose upon the Lecture Room, by placing hens, chickens, and roosters therein, on some dark night, the ‘* Philistines ” could have lots of fun by day- light, and right in the presence of students, by throwing torpedoes to wandering ducks, who would grab them in their beaks, causing at once, an explosion, much to the delight of the observers. And while this was looked upon as innocent fun, the Juniors could raise pluck enough to throw candy down from the upper stories of the College to little children, who, the instant they all jumped “for a grab,” would let fly a bucket of water upon them! This they called fun/ By doing such tricks, the Juniors became very notorious, and ren- dered themselves liable to censure. The ‘‘ Philistines” never allowod themselves to stoop quite so low. If there was a newly- arrived Freshman, who had got to be ‘‘ smoked out,” then they were ready todo ‘‘the agree- able;” yet they would not throw red pepper upon a hot stove in a meeting-house, causing the entire assembly to rush out for their lives. This was done, however, by a clique of Juniors, who considered themselves smart! If there were any great and important subjects to be discussed before the Debating Society, the ‘* Philistines” were always ready to conquer: If the students in general desired to have some kind of a classic procession, ora jovial party, or an excursion, the “‘ Philistines” always worked their cards so as to have a commanding voice, or else it was suddenly overthrown. They did not make it a practice, as did a rival clique, of disturbing religious meetings—of ‘tripping up” persons in divers ways, when promenad- ing along the streets at night—of hiring horses and carriages, and then to rid themselves of paying for the same, drag into town the car- riages, and lead the h irses, so as to prove that they were balky, when, in fact, a better beast ee ‘Re ieee _ never traveled! And yet a certain secret So- ciety who were eternally ‘ blowing” about the ‘ Philistines” pursued these paltry notions. Thus cap the reader easily perceive that the ‘‘ Philistines ” stood ne plus ultra. As the Juniors and Freshmen were about to make a “grand display,” in the shape of ‘“‘showing themselves up” at Commencement, the “‘ Philistines” took it upon themselves to burlesque the regular Programme, in a manner best suited for the occasion, although some of the members belonged to the two respective classes—Juuiors and Freshmen. One evening it was read aloud to the mem- bers of the Society. Sweeney, of Connecticut, did the reading part. The formation of it was so good a burlesque that it pleased every mem- ber, and was at once unanimously adopted. Who wrote it—who was the author! were hard questions to answer, so several students got the credit of it. From all appearances, Nat, of South Carolina, and Joggiles, of Louisiana, had a ‘‘ finger in the pie,” while it was quite evident. that Dan, Steve, Roarer and Ogleish had some- thing to say about it. It was reported that the ‘*still, sedate member,” hailing from the ‘‘Old Bay State” did it, solus. At least, it was very evident that the hitsand the euphonious appel- lations given, were so striking and character- istic as not to be mistaken. In granting to Joggles a sight, it pleased him much, for he did not care who knew the truth concerning himself, that he generally contrived to be finely and happily “ tight,” day in and day out, As he considered himself some on Greek, it was expected that his delivery would be smooth, classic and elegant, after he had ‘¢imbibed four drinks only!” ere he showed his long legs and noble phiz upon the stage. We will now give atrue copy of the Pro- gramme. They were posted all over town in a very mysterious manner, on one dark and stormy night, and created an amusing time among the mass, SERMONES SINE SENSU. PROGRAMME OF THE EXERCISES OF THE JUNIOR AND _ FRESH COMMENCEMENT. FORENOON. Mvusic—Keeler’s Celebrated Whistling Tune. 1. LATIN SALUTATORY—Jor PuHeEtps. The audience will be furnished with transla- tions by ‘‘ Jim, of the Latin School.” 2, ENGLISH SALUTATORY—Diok Bangs. He will open by making a notorious remark of himself. ***Tis true my phiz is something odd; If you blame me, you blame my God,”’ Varied with the Dutch brogue. Music—Mein Fader Land. °, MATHEMATICAL ORATION—Spierney,. This “ promising young youth,” wishing to make a ‘‘ display” ere he returns home, will do his best to decipher out something. 4, BELLES LETTRES ORATION—Sam JENKS. Music—Baggs’s Quickstep. - 5. RE-BELLES LETTRES ORATION—ReEp Harr. Oh! Red Hair, my boy, were it not for your gas, ** All the world would combine” to vote you an ass; ** And the rest of mankind,” without any doubt, Wont, swear that they’d seen your long ears stick out. You walk around in a lion’s skin, And think how nicely you take people in. 6. HISTORICAL ORATION—SaHE-cARGO, He will strive to show the great use of ‘“ Water and Land Appropriations.” After he has gassed on that subject, he will discuss an- other important subject—‘“‘ Africa and the Africans,” Musio—“ Lubly Dinah.” 4. GREEK ORATION—Joaexzs. It is expected that the “immortal Jog.” will give the Greek subject “particular fits.” He thinks that ‘‘four drinks” will put him in talk- ing order. Should the Faculty strive to “head him off” at any time (he being confident that they are down on him), he will take the liberty of allowing something to ‘‘ turn up ”—not found at present in the bill. ‘ "GOln ooo) <Sy.