Beadle's New York Dime Library No. 32 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| vhoys of Yale. 15 ‘¢ And I'll bet fifteen cents he'll answer the charges,” spitefully interrupted Jim, as Steve took his seat. ‘Steve, you never drink, do you?’ sarcas- tically inquired She-cargo. ‘Not to excess,” was the laconic reply. At this time, Joggles had gained the floor, having remained quiet through the remarks. Undoubtedly, he had expected the blow, and was ready to receive it. As he stood up before the Society, with about * three light horns” of brandy on board (it took a dozen to get him ‘“‘ fashionably tight”), all smiled, He looked calm and sincere, but it was evident that “long legs” had a ‘charge to discharge,” a la Webster order. He spoke loud and stout, but very slow and deliberate: “Sir, these are serious charges. Psyche blushed when the god advanced with a lamp to examine her beautiful person; but J was led to blush more deeply at something not of so beautiful and touching an order, but rather at the shamefacedness of a person, even when proudly attired in the habiliments of fashion’s behest. Thank God, that although the human heart is one instrument, every heart has not the same chords! Mr. President, certain charges must be met. I rise to rebut them, Sir, they have been an- ticipated, and I now consider it a duty to an- swer them. Let it be understood, however, that I can talk without any impediment of speech, and am therefore far from being ‘tight.’ Reflecting back toa certain period of time, Mr. President, I imagine myself among the cane-fields of the South, or, in other words, at home, And although we are called a ‘ wicked set,’ by narrow-contracted persons who live in the, North, allow me to say, in defending my own character, that when I left the parental hearth, to come here to this celebrated institu- tion, I came, sir, as it were, fresh from my mother’s arms—fresh from the scenes of choice teachings—fresh from the paths of virtue and peace, Sir, I was indeed a model of virtue—a branch of a family tree—a proud scion. And when I say so, let me tell you, young as I am, that tenderness, ingenuousness and_ obedience, make those virtues.. And even the very gentle- men who have made these charges against me, know the truth of my remarks too well, to dare deny the assertion. Even, sir, remarks have fallen from their own lips, expressive. of those virtues, ‘But glance over a short space of time,” continued Joggles, in an eloquent and happy mood, ‘‘and what a change comes over. me, Faults and agonies of the human heart arise— unlimited scenes, amid the general intercourse of all kinds of society, into which I was thrown, overpowered me; friends, and the pub- lic, upon both sides, took command of my very heart, and therefore the branch of tho family tree was torn from the trunk, to be swept by the tempest of life into the whirlpool of pas- sion. But, Mr. President, everything has its origin—therefore, whence arose all this? Here, sir, is the question, ** Will you believe it? but you must, for it is true—that after these gentlemen, who have brought their charges against me, became fully convinced that I did not indulge in the filthy weed—that I did not make use of.profane language—that I did not sip from the wine- bowl—in short, thay I was honest and sincere in what. I said—were the very persons who snatched these gems from my good name, who first caused me to err from the side of mercy, as it were, and to become introduced to the evil qualities already enumerated. Said the saintish Ogleish to me, a few days after my arrival here, ‘If you intend to be one of us, you must come inand drink;’ and I did come in, and have been going in at a big lick ever since,” said Joggles, as the crowd listened and smiled at his remarks, ‘‘‘Ob, pour out, there ain’t half a horn of brandy,’ said he, when I first began to reel over the old decanter at Sam Keeler’s;,and then it was, ‘Come, smoke—be somebody.’ From that, I rushed by degrees into other vices, until everything got the up- per hand of me—until I am now considered a ‘good drinker—powerful smoker—constant chewer;’ in fact, a ‘high boy, and just the fel- low to travel with,’ “Thus, Mr. President, I have given you a condensed history of myself, since: I landed where I never desired to. Ido not blush be- fore the public, because it is ideal, but I do be- fore a friend, because he is human—for the reason that a friend is our confidant, and the public is a fiction; one has a name, thé other is anonymous; one is before us, the other is in- visible; in short, a friend is some one, but the public is no one—for a friend has a face—the public has not. And it is for this reason I blush before my friends, not that I care a tooth- pick for the public at large, but knowing them, I cannot desist from feeling somewhat abashed, ‘*And now, if it is the wish of this Society, [ will withdraw my name from it, rather than be.expelled. As it is, the honors are small. That I have gone too far on many occasions— especially on the morning of my pilgrimage within the College yard with a balky horse—I know to be a fact; but liquor did it all, for it is well known that when I am somewhat de- voted, Joggles is not himself—Joggles is alto- gether another person. But, without further remarks, I humbly submit the case into your hands,” Joggles took his seat amid cheers, “Mr. President,” yelled out Roarer, of Ken- tucky, ‘it is not very often that I undertake to address this Society, but after listening to so sensible a speech, full of beauties and over- flowing with truths, I cannot refrain from say- ing that my friend Joggles is an injured man—’”’ “Blazes, and he can’t go out of this Society, nohow,” interrupted Bouncer, of New York. “Til bet fifteen cents he can’t,” added Tim. ‘ “‘Order—order, gentlemen,” cried the Presi- ent. ‘Take a yote, and that will decide it,” said some one else, After a deal of discussion a vote was taken whether the member should be allowed to withdraw, and not be expelled. No one voted for it save Ogleish and Steve. Then followed an exciting time; when, en- deavoring to plaster over the matter, Ogleish said that he would withdraw the motion, ‘“‘Smart young man, to wait until it was seconded, discussed upon, and then voted down —very,” snarled Derby To be short, Joggles felt so finely over his popularity that he got “awful tight” after the meeting adjourned, and had to be put to bed. Tbe enthusiasm was too much for him— saying nothing about cards and wine, down in Keeler’s ‘“‘big back room.” Even after Dan got him to bed, he still repeated an old phrase of his— ‘“‘Dan, me—me—old—old friend, what’s trumps, eh?” LIBER XI, ‘Dip you ever hear about the pigs what got into Professor Brown’s garden?” asked “old Sam Keeler,” as some dozen students sat in his ‘“back-room” one cold November evening. ‘Well, then, I must tell ye all about that ’ere time. It seems that the old man saw a lot of pigs in his garden on one Saturday afternoon, so he says to a lot of students who happened to be sitting about, hard by, ‘Gentlemen, I wish you would catch those pigs—I will put them into the city pound, and as you are all young- er than myself, do try your luck, if you please,’ “‘Wal, they did try, but failed; cause how, the pigs were too spirited, and slipped away from ’em. Wal,” went on the old man, in his easy way, ‘it wasn’t long after afore they got in again, and, asit happened, the old Professor spotted ’em, so by chance he espied the very same gang of students, and says the old fellow again, ‘Rather a singular coincidence, gentle- men, that I sbould find you together again when my garden is in the power of the same lot of pigs, but won’t you be so kind as to offer your services again, and see if you can’t catch the five? ' “Of course the boys assented at once, and away they went arter the troublesome pigs, while Professor Brown passed into the College on some kind of business. Wal, now, you had better believe that them ’ere chaps had a time of it,” said “Fatty,” laughingly, “‘for they chased and chased, and at last penned the pigs up in a corner. ** About three-quarters of an hour arter this, Professor Brown made his appearance. **Well, gentlemen, what success—did you catch the pigs? he asked, as he came out about the place where the fellows sat conversing. “* “Capital success,’ said one of ’em, with a big grin. ““* Yes, sir, after a long battle we partly conquered,’ spoke up another one of the gang, giving a long sigh at the same time, ‘But where are the pigs? asked the old Professor, as he looked about him. “* Don’t know, but here are their tails,’ and as the chap said this, he presented to Professor Brown the tail of each pig.” This tale created a jovial laugh, and as Uncle Sam completed it, he gave a hearty yell; then pinching with thumb and finger, the flesh about his neck, he gave it a good shake, adding on the strength of the merriment, ‘Boys, what will ye drink? Come, I guess it’s my turn to treat this ’ere time.” It was not long before Keeler told about some students who took it upon themselves to make a certain Professor leave off toting about an old green umbrella, which was a custom of his, by day and by night: how about twenty of them followed him one afternoon through the public streets, each with an umbrella, the scene causing a deal of fun to all observers, as every- thing moved and worked admirably, for the reason that the old_ Professor never made it a practice to look behind him when walking the streets, but always bolt ahead, in deep study. Among the many scrapes which the old gen- tleman told, he revealed a “ coffee-scene,” which it is said, upon good authority, actually occurred. ** Pll tell you that, seeing as how you never heard tell on it,” said old Sam, as the gang sat about the table, enjoying themselves, ‘and it caused quite a spewing time, now I tell’ you. One morning when all hands were down at breakfast—and you know they generally raise the deuce then, notwithstanding the steward, and his enforcement of rules and regulations— one Joe Bangs, who was a ‘ hard chicken,’ took it into his head to have ‘a time’ among the whole crowd while all the tables were full. “Wal, Bangs goes down in the room, and snatching hold of his chair, he gives a spring and plants both feet in it. As he stood up there, so he could view the whole lot of ’em, he bangs away with a cane, right slap down onto the table, and then bellows out loudly to several of his brother collegians who sat eating in vari- ous parts of the room: “¢ Attention! Gentlemen, what are you drinking for breakfast besides cold water?” ** “Coffee,’ yelled out ‘forty-leven’ of ’em. *** Gentlemen, are you sure of it?’ “They all sent back one loud yell of ‘yes,’ when Bangs jumps right down, and arter stooping to pick up something under the table, he gives a spring back into the chair, and then held up on the end of his cane, an old black hat that was completely wet, and even steeped through; and as they all looked at it, as a hot vapor escaped from the fur, Bangs yells out: ““*No, gentlemen, you are partaking of a compound of old hat. Passing by the big ket- tle where our worthy steward makes his smok- ing hot coffee, I took it into my head to look in, and as I did, I saw this old hat floating about. Is your coffee agreeable, gentlemen?’ “Don’t you think that Bangs hadn’t more than said it,” continued ‘ Fatty,’ as his hearers were laughing over it, ‘* before there was an aw- ful spewing among a big lot of the boys, Some were sick as horses, while other chaps laid right back and laughed as though they’d die. It made a deal of a muss, and of course it got the steward mad, and Bangs was carried be- fore the Faculty; yet he told the truth, for the cook saw the old hat in the pot, and helped Bangs in securing it. Rather a nasty drink, eh, beys?’ asked Sam Keeler, in a jocund way. “Bah! I should say so,” said Ogleish, “Tl bet fifteen cents that I’d a-vomited in a hurry, if I had been there,” remarked Tim, of Ohio, who was death on betting to the amount of ‘fifteen cents,” always, and nothing more | —unless a ‘dime and a half.” ‘Guess we had better all drink, before we talk any more about old hat,” said the immor- tal Joggles. . ‘Wal, I'm agreeable,” replied the old man. ‘Pretty good College story, eh?” he asked. ‘Yes, Uncle Sam, that’s a fact ; rather of a French drink, eh ?”’ ‘Don’t, Joggles,” said he, with a smile, * Can’t Sos it, Snele eeler—must give vent to my expressions; ‘‘but here’s luck,” and Joggles poured down an article called ‘‘fourth proof,” as though he was. considering ita common beverage. -f*Isn’t College life a great life, gentlemen !” asked Joggles, after his ‘‘fourth proof” had “it certainly is,” rejoined one of his com- panions, “S m (E() Cc = JOO (E(0)