Beadle's New York Dime Library No. 32 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

B’hoys of Yale. 13 “Oh, Lord! an evil and adulterous genera- tion seeketh after signs, but there shall no signs be found!” The result was a triumphant one. As they rapped at the door, and while waiting for an answer, the Faculty overhgard the oocupants (as they thought) engaged in deep prayer; and as one of the rules was, to ‘pass any room wherein the occupant was praying,” they therefore did so, Joggles continued on ‘‘ gass- ing” and repeating Scriptural phrases, until their footsteps were heard no more. The instant Joggles turned from the door, Dan, who stood near the window, with a large white handkerchief partly poked into his big mouth to keep from ‘snorting out,”—to use his own expression—so as not to disturb the solemnity of the occasion, threw himself into a singular, laughable attitude, and with a long face exclaimed: ‘“ Well done, good and faithful servant—em- brace me, Joggles!”’ Caution, of Pennsylvania, was thunder- struck. He looked surprised, and it waS with much difficulty that he could actually believe what had transpired in his presence. Then with a half-hidden smile he lifted his hands and exclaimed, a la Sleek: ‘‘Boys, you are a regular set of heathens, and nothing else.” ‘‘ Didn’t I do the thing up brown, eh?’ asked Joggles, after ‘‘ all was safe.” ‘* Bunkum, Jog.,” replied Steve, patting him on the shoulder. ‘‘Now we must go and drink on the strength of this,” said Jcg. ‘“Tet’s meet at Uncle Sam Keeler’s this evening, and there have a regular drunk,” said Blower, of New York. “Agreed! Give us your hand, old boy,” replied Joggles. They were a well-matched span. But tothe end. Afterthe Faculty had done their best to investigate the affair, they were none the wiser—while the poor merchants, whose signs were minus, were compelled to give up the search, return home, and order new ones, much to the comfort of the members of the “Philistine Society,” as said signs did not squeak or need ileing. It was not long after this ‘‘eventful time,” before the renowned Joggles made his debut in a powerful speech before the ‘ Philistine So- ciety.” Unexpectedly, the gentleman had only imbibed slightly, and was therefore sober on this occasion. Every member well knew his great abilities, but all were completely sur- prised, as he had always evinced rather a tor- pid spirit on all former occasions. ‘‘\Mr, President,” said he, in a grave tone, ‘¢inasmuch as I have failed to obtain the floor on several former occasions, when the attempt was made, I now take the liberty of returning my sincere thanks to all of you for the oppor- tunity now presented to me, And rest as- sured, gentlemen, that the representative of the glorious State of Louisiana does it so- berly ! ‘¢Gentlemen, in making certain kinds of mo- tions, legislators have always found it requi- site, from the days of Demosthenes upto the oratorical scenes of Webster, to allow plain de- monstrations to follow, or, in other words, to present agreeable illustrations, in such a man- ner as to convey to the ear of the observer the real purport of said motion in question; and, gentlemen, I shall follow the same rule, al- though all of you, even to a man, are ignorant of the motion about to be made—and backed by him who now has the pleasure of addressing you, in what, perhaps, you may see fit to call ‘sober moments.’ : ‘‘Gentlemen, Napoleon was a great. man. All admit it—all know it. But the victor of a hundred battles, gentlemen, made many a mistake during his lifetime. The same can be said of Hannibal, who, once upon a time, vain- ly thought that the gates of Rome would open tohim. In fact, Mr. President, all mankind are liable to mistakes—yea, our life is a life of mistakes, and every family is a history in it- self, while every age has its own sorrows. ‘‘But what I wish to speak of, gentlemen, concerns certain mistakes of all great men like Napoleon and Franklin, who openly declared that ‘six hours of sleep were enough for any man!” Can it be possible that they meant it —Napoleon in particular, at a time even when he gazed for many a long day at the cloud- capped peaks of the Alps? Gentlemen, it may be true, but I take it upon myself to say that the agreeable realms of Morpheus are to me dear and lovely; in plain terms, that sleep is essential to the human family. I don’t mean, gentlemen,” continued Joggles, smilingly, “that ‘long, long sleep,’ but rather a little more than ‘six hoursof sleep!’ But of late we have not had fairly that limited quantity, as our meetings have been held at a late hour; and now, the idea of following Napoleon’s no- tions, especially when the mornings are as cold as Russia, Greenland, Iceland, or even the re- gions of the Alps itself, is presumptuous—” ‘“‘Wonder what Jog. is coming at?’ said Steve, with a smile. ‘Go it, old hoss!” cried out She-cargo. ‘Order, gentlemen,” said the President. ‘Haul up those long legs, Joggles, and stand straight,” exclaimed Josh, ‘Lick ’em, Jogg—you’re able,” yelled out Blower, of New York. “Order, I say, gentlemen,” and the Presi- rose from his chair, ‘Mr, President, of late, the Faculty have taken it upon themselves to order us up at an uncommon early hour, during these cold, snowy mornings; and now, sir, as there are certain signs of an ‘uncommon ugly, sour morning,’ the snow being already eighteen inches deep, on a level, I make the following motion;” ‘‘Hear hear—read, read—listen,” and all similar kinds of ejaculations, followed. ‘“‘That the tongue of the College bell be stolen on this very night, so that we may, once more, gain our natural sleep, due us—and perhaps a few hours over!” This motion created an agreeable laughter throughout the entire circle. ‘‘Good on your head, old fellow! that motion,” yelled out Steve. ‘‘ Capital idea, that,” added another, “Roast me, if Napoleon wasn’t wrong any- how,” blustered forth the New York member of the Society. ‘Where the d—1 Joggles was trying to get to, when he opened on Napoleon and his, ‘six hours of sleep,’ I couldn’t see, to save my life,” observed Ogleish, with a laugh. The motion was unanimously carried. “Then you desire to have an important part in this tonguey scrape, you say?” asked the President. ‘**T do sir,” was Joggles’s reply. This created a laugh. “¢ And to been acted forthwith?” ‘Yes, sir,” answered Joggles. ‘‘I went to- day, and examined the bell,” he continued, ‘‘and found that the task would be very easy. In displaying, on this occasion, this monkey- wrench and chisel, together with the dark lan- tern,” said he, holding up to view the articles, ‘you may consider me quite sanguine about this matter; and, gentlemen, I am.” “You'll pass,” said Dan. “Yes, sir-ee! Joggles will pass, for he is a hound, and no mistake,” rejoined She-cargo, of Michigan. ‘‘T'll bet fifteen cents that he ain’t nothing else,” muttered out Tim, of Ohio, who felt a little ‘‘ tight.” “Tf the Society sees fit to allow me to have Dan’s company, I will go forthwith, and agree (if I don’t break my neck in making the ascent), to return here in one hour from now with the tongue of the bell in my posses- sion,” ‘“That’s rather a tonguey assertion, Jog- gles,” observed the President, with a mischiev- ous glance, ‘But Pll do it, sir,” replied Joggles, with a nod of his head. “Tl bet fifteen cents you will, too,” said Tim; his remark, so common, causing a laugh. The motion was agreed upon. Off went Joggles and Dan, the former with wrench and chisel in coat pocket, the latter with lantern in hand and matches in his hat. Both were in their glee. It was an-awful cold, snowy night. They slipped slyly by the main entrance of the College, and thence marked their way to the belfry-stairs. Both ascended and easily reached the bell. The job was a cold one. ‘Slide off the lantern lid by degrees, Dan,” said Joggles, - “Awful windy and cold up here, isn’t it?” ‘“Never mind, Dan, we’ll take a stout horn of this ‘1818 brandy’ out of my flask, before I second we go at it,” and Jog. showed his companion the art of ‘‘imbibing long swallows.” ‘“Good gracious! Do you always go so well armed?” ‘¢-Yes, even when I go to church, Sundays,” replied Jog. ““You’re a ticket, Joggles.” “Never mind about ‘ tickets’ just now, Dan. Let’s turn the old bell bottom side upwards.” | ‘‘ All right—go ahead,” “* Rather a cold bell, eh?” “A little frostbitten, Joggles.” “Hold snugly onto the tongue, old fellow, as we turn it up, and look out that she don’t strike.” ** All right—turn her up slow and sure,” After they had performed that part of the job, Joggles wrapped his cap, and then his pocket handkerchief, about the tongue of the bell, while Dan held the lantern down inside of it. Then Joggles went to work with instru- mentsin hand. Soon he had parted the tongue from the bell, and as his hands were numbed with cold, he accidentally let the tongue strike against the side of the bell. This wasa bad hit. ‘‘Hallo! that’s a bad strike; but never mind, all safe, I guess,” said Jog. The wind was blowing a lively gale, and it was snowing very fast. Unfortunately, the Janitor heard it, and so did the members of the ‘€ Philistine Society,’’ although they were quite a good distance from the College. They imme- diately laughed and applauded—and in Joggles’s favor; it was a ‘‘decided hit,” for they imme- diately spoke in warm praise of his boldness and assurance, In about three minutes.after the alarm, Jog- gles happened to look down through the scuttle- way, and whom should he see but the Janitor, with a large lantern in his hand. j “Turn off the light of the lantern—quick!” whispered Jog. Dan obeyed. ‘Now, then, slip over the back corner as quick as sight.” Dan obeyed accordingly. By this time Joggles, who had his wits about him, had reached the after part of the gang- way-door, Soon the Janitor puts up his hand, feeling for a timber to place the lantern up- on; when, the second he poked his head up, Joggles let him have it right in the back with the tongue of the bell. ‘Bloody murder!” cried out the frightened Janitor, as he grabbed hold of the lantern, and made tracks for the ground, “Follow on quickly, Dan; mind how you step, and all will be right,” suddenly whispered Joggles, as he rushed after him. By the time the Janitor had reached the ground, the boys were not far behind him. Passing out of an opposite door, they made tracks for the Society. As Joggles rushed into the room, he yelled out: ‘‘Here’s the tongue, Mr, President!” and he laid it upon his desk. A rich scene followed, especially in the brandy and cigar line. When morning came, each member slept soundly and sweetly. Eight o’clock came and passed. At nine no bell had done the ‘‘ morn- ing warning.” | ‘‘ What does all this mean?” inquired some member of the Faculty as they questioned the frightened Janitor. : “ Couldn’t ring the bell, sir—wouldn’t strike,” was the reply. ‘‘ But you have not inspected the bell to find out the cause?” ‘‘Dare not go up there!” ‘What?’ “Heard the bell strike in the night, sir.” “What?” “The very devil was up there, sir.” ‘‘ How dare you make such an unwise asser- tion?” asked the Professor. ** Because I took the lantern and went up there.” “Exactly so; but go on,” interposed the Professor; ‘‘and did you see him?” ‘No, sir; but he struck me in the small of the back with one of his horns!” said the frightened Janitor. When this excuse leaked out, the poor Jani- tor had to take it from all sources. It pleased the “ Philistines” when they heard of the *¢ devil’s horns,” Suffice it to say, the tongue was soon replaced. The droxysy students were again roused from their sweet slumbers by the loud tongue of the bell, . AMIE “S (E(0) —_—— JOO (E(0)