Beadle's Half Dime Library, No. 9 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Baron Munchausen. 5 ee _ -_— ee — ee om vate friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude, I was view the objects around me with the telescope which I introduced to your notice in =f Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw twe large | whi matter was become a trouble to her; dressing, un- dressing, eating, drinking, and some other offices, which shall be nameless, made life a burden to her: all these things he enabled her to do without, or bya | deputy! and what do you think was the only return she could prevail upon him to accept for such emi- | nent services?—Setting Tee at liberty. Such | was his affection for that famous writer, that he | would have shortened his own days to add to the | number of his friend’s, | _Ido not hear that any of the queen’s subjects, par- ticularly the beef-eaters, as they are vulgarly called | to this day, however they might be struck with the | novelty at the time, much approved of her living | totally without food. She did not survive the prac- tice herself above seven years and a half. | My father, who was the immediate possessor of | He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself: indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we have actually te bears in violent action upon a body of ice con- | quarreled about it, and we are not now upon speak- siderably above the masts, and about half a league | ing terms. He boldly asserts I had no merit in de- distance. I immediately took my carbine, slung it | ceiving the bears, because I was covered with one of across my shoulder, and ascended the ice. When I | their skins: nay, he declares there is not, in his opin- arrived at the top, the unevenness of the surface | ion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as him- made my approack to those animals troublesome | self among the human species. and hazardous beyond expression: sometimes hide- He is now a noble peer, and I am too well ac- ous cavities opposed me, which I was obliged to | quainted with good manners to dispute so delicate a spring over; in other parts the surface was as smooth | point with his lordship. as a mirror, and I was ee ere | falling: as I ap- proached near enough to reach them, I found they were only at —, immediately began to calculate the value of their skins, for they were each as large this'sling before me, told me the following anecdote: | #8 @ Well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with | 1 Was presenting my carbine, my right foot slipped, this sling in his pocket; before his paces had covered | | fell upon my back, and the violence of the blow de- CHAPTER XIV. | OUR BARON EXCELS BARON TOTT BEYOND ALL COMPARI- SON: YET FAILS IN PART OF HIS ATTEMPT—GETS INTO DISGRACE WITH THE GRAND SEIGNIOR, WHO ORDERS HIS HEAD TO BE CUT OFF—ESOCAPES, AND GETS ON , BOARD A VESSEL, IN WHICH HE IS CARRIED TO VENICE a mile, he was attacked by a fierce animal, called a | paren me totally of my senses for nearly half an | —RARON aamte ORIGIN, WITH SOME ACCOUNT OF sea-horse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with great | hour; however, when I recovered, judge of my sur- | ; - : » Ope g THAT GREAT MAN’S PARENTS—POPE GANGANELLI'S fury; he hesitated a moment, then took out his| Prise at finding one of those large animals I have | sling, retreated back about a hundred yards, stooped | een just describing had turned me upon my face, | for a couple of pebbles, of which there were plenty | 224 was just laying hold of the waistband of my AMOUR—HIS HOLINESS FOND OF SHELL-FISH. Baron DE Tort, in his Memoirs, makes as t under his feet, and slung them both so dexterously at the animal, that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the cavities which their removal had occa- sioned. He now got upon his back, and drove him into the sea; for the moment he lost his sight, he lost all his ferocity, and became as tame as possible: the. laced as a bridle in his mouth; he was | sling was guided with the greatest facility across the ocean, and in less than three hours they both arrived on the master of the Three Cups, at Helvoetsluys, in Hol- land, purchased this marine horse to make an exhi- | bition of, for seven hundred ducats, which was up- ward of three hundred pounds; and the next day my eo paid his passage back in the packet to Har- ch, My father made several curious observations in this passage which I will relate hereafter, CHAPTER XT, THE FROLIC: ITS CONSEQUENCES—WINDSOR CASTLE—ST. PAUL’S—COLLEGE OF PHYSICIANS, UNDERTAKERS, SEX- TONS, ETC,,ALMOST RUINED—INUUSTRY OF THE APOTHE- CARIES, The Frolic. Tus famous sling makes the possessor equal to any | task he is desirous of performing. I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions, that an account of the silk it contained would exceed all and weaver’s stock in London, Westminster, and Spitalfields, contributed | to it: with this balloon and my sling I played many tricks, such as an one house from its station, and ts stead, without disturbing the | inhabitants, who were generally asleep, or too much | employed to observe the peregrinations of their When the sentinel at Windsor Castle heard St. Paul's clock strike thirteen, it was —— credibility; every mercer’s sho lacing another in habitations. my dexterity; I brought the buildings nearly gether that night, b 4 castle in St. George’s Oarvied ft bac ain before daylight, with- Fields, and without waking any of the inhabitants: no standing these exploits, I should have kept my bal- ijoon and its properties a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of fi Ing so public. On the 30tb of September, when the College of Physicians chose their annual rs, and dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, brought it over the dome of their building, clapped the sling round the golden ball at the top, fastening the other end of it to the balloon, and immediately ascended with the whole college to an immense hight, where I kept them upward of three months. You will na- turally inquire what they did for food such a length of time? To this I answer—Had I kept them sus- pended twice the time, they would have experienced no inconvenience on that account, so a rather extravagantly, had they spread their table for that day's age Though this was meant as an innocent frolic, it was productive of much mischief to several able characters among the clergy, undertakers, sex- tons, and grave-diggers; they were, it must be ac- knowled ed, sufferers; for it is a well-known fact, that during the three months the college was sus- pended in the air, and therefore incapable of attend- ig their patients, no deaths happened, except a few who fell before the scythe of Father Time, and some meélancholy objects, who, perhaps trifling inconvenience here, laid the hands of violence upon themselves, and plunged into misery infinitel greater than that which they hoped by such a ras step to avoid, without a moment's consideration. If the apothecaries had not been very active dur- ing the above time, half the undertakers, in all prob- ability, would have been bankrupts. CHAPTER XIII, A Trip to the North. THE BARON SAILS WITH CAPTAIN PHIPPS, ATTACKS TWO LARGE BEARS, AND HAS A VERY NARROW ESCAPE— | GAINS THE CONFIDENCE OF THESE ANIMALS, AND THEN DESTROYS THOUSANDS OF THEM; LOADS THE SHIP WITH THEIR HAMS AND SKINS; MAKES PRESENTS OF THE FORMER, AND OBTAINS A GENERAL ve TION TO ALL CITY FEASTS—A DISPUTE DETWEEN TE CAPTAIN AND THE BARON, IN WHICH, FROM M OF POLITENESS, THE CAPTAIN IS SUFFERED TO GAIN HIS POINT—THE BARON DECLINES THE HONOR OF A THRONE, AND AN EMPRESS INTO THE BARGAIN. We all remember Captain Phipps’s (now Lord Mul- grave) last voyage of discovery to the north. I ac- companied the captain, not as an officer, but a pri- | ee ee ee ee to avoid some — with the Prince reeches, which were then new and made of leather: he was certainly going to carry me feet foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing a large clasp-knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind-feet, and cut off three of his | toes; he immediately let me drop, and roared most horridly. Itook up my carbine and fired at him as he ran off; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousands of these white bears, who opposite shore, which is about thirty leagues. The | Were asleep upon the ice within half a mile of me; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that instant. took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrap- myself in it, placing my own head directly under ruin’s; the whole herd came round me imm tely, situation, out a most admirable one for my own safety. They all came smelling, and evidently took me for a bro- ther bruin; I wan nothing but bulk to make an ex- among them not much larger than myself, After _ they had all smelt me, and the body of their deceased | companion, whose skin was now become my pro- tector, we seemed very sociable, and I found I could mimic all their actions tolerably well; but at growl- ing, roaring, and hugging ney were quite my mas- ters. I began now to t ink how I might turn the general confidence which I had created among these animals to my advantage. I heard an old army surgeon say, a wound in the spine was instant death. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse to my knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the | neck, near the shoulders, but under great apprehen- sions, not doubting but the creature would, if he sur- vived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, I was remarkably fortunate; for he fell dead at my feet without making the least noise. I was now resolved | to demolish them every one in the same manner, which I accomplished without the least difficulty; for although they saw their companions fall, the had no suspicion of either the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having slain many thousands. To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed three parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the hams of board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship with them. As to the other parts of the ani- mals, they were thrown into the sea, though I doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs, were they properly cured. As soon as we returned, I sent some of the hams, in the captain’s name, to the Lords of the Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the trading companies, and the remainder to = particular friends, from all of whom I re ceived warm thanks; but from the city I was hon- ored with substantial notice, viz. an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually on Lord Mayor's Day. The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty and her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks with her own hand, and sent it by an embassador extraordinary inviting me to share the honors of her bed and crown; but asI never was ambitious of royal dignity, I declined her majesty’s favor in the politest terms, The same embassador had orders to wait and Se my answer to her majesty personally, upon whi | business he was absent about three months: her ma- pen reply convinced me of the strength of her af- ections, and the di position was entirely owing (as she, kind creature was pleased to express herself in a late conversation is not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand. ' Some people have very illibérally reported, that Captain Phipps did not proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here it becomes trim, till I loaded it with such an immense quan been madness to have attempted to proceed further, as we were now scarcely able to combata brisk gale, much less those mountains of ice which lay in the _ higher latitudes. he captain has since often expressed a dissatis- faction that he had no share in the honors of that day, which he emphatically called the dear-skin day. memory wi length their fears in part subsided, and I was a and my anpremeanons threw me into a most piteous | be sure: however, my scheme turned | ably alarmed. NNN nn rr SSS eS _ lgoroucki) to my cruelty. What | _ the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress | but pay her some compliment beforehand. This _ lovely couple met by accident in the street, in conse- me duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very So ad _adepts; they were bot n ity | of bear-skins and hams, after which it would have | of each other, and married; but madam +e _ to her old tricks, his father, who had high noti a parade of a single act, as many travelers whose whole lives have been spent in seeing the different arts of the globe; for my part, if I had been blown rom Europe to Asia from the mouth of a cannon, I should have boasted less of it afterward thah he _ has done of only firing offa Turkish piece of ordnance. What he says of this wonderful gun, as near as my serve me, is this: ‘‘The Turks had placed below the castle, and near the city, on the yanks of Simois, a celebrated river, an enormous piece of ordnance cast in brass, which would carry a marble ball of eleven hundred pounds weight. I was inclined,*’ says Tott, “to fire it, but I was wi first to judge of its effects; the crowd about me trembled at this proposal, as they asserted it would overthrow not only the castle, but the city also: at mitted to it, It required no less than three hundred and thirty pounds weight of powder; and the ball weighed, as before mentioned, eleven hun- dredweight. When the engineer brought the — ing, the crowds who were about me retreated cellent counterfeit; however, I saw several cubs | as fast as they could; nay, it was with the utmost. difficulty I persuaded’ the Pacha, who Game ‘on pur- pose, there was no danger; even the engineer who was to mye it by my direction, was consider- took my stand on some stone-work behind the cannon, gave the signal, and felt a shock like that of an earth e! At the distance of three hundred fathom, the ball burst into three pieces; the fragments crossed the strait, rebounded on the op- _ posite mountain, and left the surface of the water all in a foam, through the whole breadth of the channel.” This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, Bar- on Tott’s account of the largest cannon in the known world. Now, when I was theré not long since, the anecdote of Tott’s firing this tremendous piece was mentioned as a proof of that gentleman’s extraordi- courage. Iwas determined not to be outdone by a French- man; therefore took this very piece upon my shoul- der, and, after balancing it nee ore jumped into the sea with it, and swam e ees sho from whence I unfortunately attempted to throw back into its former place. I say unfortunately, for it rf tee a little in my hand, just as I was tng to discharge it, and in consequence of that, it fell to the middle of the channel, where it now out a prospect of ever recovering it: and, notwithstand- ing the high favor I was in with the Grand Seignior, as before mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard of the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, is- sued an order to cut off my head. I was immediate- ly informed of it by one of the Sultanas, with whom was become a great favorite, and she secreted me in her apartment while the officer charged with my execution was, with his assistants, in search of me. That very night I made my escape on board a vés- sel bound to Venice, which was nh W an- chor to proceed on her voyage. _ The last story, gentlemen, I am not fond of men- tioning, as I miscarried in the attempt, and was very near losing my life into the : however, as it contains no impeachment of my honor, I would not withhold it from you. Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and ean > ve no doubt of my veracity. I will entertain yo with the origin of this same swaggering bouncing Tott. His reputed father was a native of Berne, in Switz- erland; his profession was that of a surveyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarly called a scaven- ger. His mother was a native of the mountaing of Savoy, and had a most beautiful wen on her : ' neck, common to both sexes in that part of the ity of her mind; her late indis- | world; she left her parents when young, and sought tw. her fortune in the same city which gave his father _ birth; she maintained herself, while single, by acts. of kindness to our sex, for she never was known to refuse them any favor they asked, provided they did quence of their being both intoxicated; for, by reel- ing to one center, they threw each other down; this created mutual abuse, in which they were complete carried to the watch-house, and afterward to the house of correction; they soon saw the folly of quarreling, made it up, became fond honor, soon separated him from her; she then joined a family who strolled about with a - pet- show. In time she arrived at Rome, where she kept an oyster-stand, You have all heard, no doubt, of | Pope Ganganelli, commonly called Clement XIV.; he JOO GONE “S ons of | - (El)