Authentic Science Fiction Monthly No. 72 — page 82: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE WAY | AM as I gulped at it eagerly. “Close call, Molson. If I hadn’t begun to get worried about you and come out to see what was going on, you’d have been finished.” I sat there, not saying any- thing, just looking at that pleasant, well-meaning face. I was thinking of all the things I owed him: my job, the chance of a new start when we arrived back at the satellite ... and now, my life. Finally, he must have realised that I was in no state to conduct a conversa- tion. “If you’re sure there’s nothing else you want, I’m going to get a bit of rest,’’ he said, getting to his feet. “No. You go ahead,” I said. That was half an hour ago. Since then I’ve been sitting here figuring the whole thing out, making up my mind what I’ve got to do, what I’m going to do. Ive had a tough life. Even as a kid it wasn’t easy. There was my old man; he was something like God to me, maybe even more important— certainly more immediate. His 81 rage and contempt could really hurt, and when he wasn’t there people would talk about him and threaten me with his wrath. And all the time they took great pains to point out that I would never turn out to be as good a man as he was—that was the part that was always ground into me. When he died I decided that I would make myself a big enough man to take his place. It wasn’t a matter of personal ambition; the only satisfaction I expected to get out of it was the pleasure of showing my contempt for them, the voices, the belittlers. That was the way it was going to be, me against the universe. The odds did not frighten me. I had my self- respect, and that is the most valuable weapon a man can have. A weapon and a goad to action that motivates his whole ambition. They could not seem to understand that at the Board of Inquiry. According to their idea I should have handed the ship over to the Ground Operator as soon as he asked comiclbooks.corn