Argosy All-Story Weekly, November 13, 1920 — page 142: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- 420 his pants over his nightshirt. ‘ What’s all this here rumpus about?’ he says. ‘ It’s scandalous! Such carryings on!’ “Then while Pharaoh Evans was explain- ing matters to him, Jake found out all at once what had made him lose the fight. ‘““* Here’s what tripped me,’ says he to Daisy, coming forward with a can in his hands. “If it hadn’t ’a’ been for this I’d ‘a’ won. We got to try it over again.’ “Not much!’ says Pharaoh, waving him off and squeezing Daisy to him tight. *You’re licked, Mr. Finney, and you ain’t man enough to own up to it. Miss Spiffel’s going to marry me, and her father’s a wit- ness to it.’ ““Where’d you find that there oil-can?’ says old man Spiffel, grabbing it from Jake. ‘I been a-looking everywhere for it.’ ““TIn the bushes,’ says Jake. ‘It got be- tween my legs when we was fighting.’ ‘“““ Oh,’ says Daisy as if she’d just remem- bereds something. She give the oil-can a hard look for a moment, and then she com- menced to chuckle. ‘“*T wonder what you’d think,’ says she to Pharaoh, ‘if I told you I’d poured oil out of that there can into the pond so you’d believe you missed marrying an heiress when we had our falling out?’ ‘“* What!’ says Pharaoh, letting go of her like she was red-hot. ““ Eh?’ says Jake, letting his nose go ahead and bleed all it wanted to. He says he felt like he was going to swoon. ‘ Why —why—well, as long as Pharaoh won’t fight no more, I guess I’d better be going.’ ‘“* Wait a minute,’ says Pharaoh, backing away as fast as he could, ‘ I’ll go with you.’ “But look here, Daisy,’ says old man Spiffel. ‘I don’t understand. This here can ain’t been in use for months. It’s got a hole in it. I been looking for it to mend it. You couldn’t ’a’ poured oil in the pond from it.’ ~ ““ Well,’ says Daisy, ‘I didn’t say I had, did I? I only asked what Pharaoh would think if I had. No, dad, I didn’t pour no oil into the pond, but I guess somebody did from the way it keeps on coming up. And if I don’t miss my guess, me and you are going to be even richer than: Eben Morse down Green Valley way.’ ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. ‘Well, Jake says, the effect of that there speech on him and Pharaoh was some- thing stupendous. First they couldn’t speak a word, then they started to say all kinds of things in a sort of duet, holding out their arms toward Daisy like little Eva does when she’s looking up into heaven, but it didn’t work worth a cent. “* Huh!’ says Daisy, with a sneer, turn- ing her back on them. After which she snaps her fingers at the bull ‘and hisses: ‘Take ’em, boy!’ : “And Bingo, showing his cozy corner teeth, and letting out a rumble that made you shiver, started to take ’em with a rush, but by that time Jake and Pharaoh was over the fence, and stirring up the dust in the roadway like a tornado. But even then they wouldn’t ’a’ made it, if old man Spiffel hadn’t had presence of mind enough to grab at his pants with one hand, and at the bull’s collar with the other, just in time.” Doolittle paused and, reaching for a sad- looking concoction labeled “ Bay Rum,” soused_my face with it. Then, drying my features carefully, he powdered them, pulled the chair lever, and brought me upright with a jerk. ~ “Well,” I said, as the old man began to juggle his comb and brush, “‘ is that all?” “All?” he replied. “I guess it is, unless you want a hair-cut. You only said a shave and a massage.”’ ‘“ No, no, I mean is that all the story?” Doolittle chuckled. ‘‘ Sure, that’s all. And it ended fine, don’t you*think? The lady got what was comin’ to her, and the villains got what was comin’ to them; at least, Pharaoh Evans did. As for Jake, I heard— “Well, for Pete’s sake! ker, quick!”’ Clamping my head in his hands, he turned it toward the window. Down the street came Miss Spiffel, resplendent. And walking at her side with apparent ease, was Mr. Finney. | ‘“[-heard—” began Doolittle. “Good Heavens!” I gasped, falling back in my chair. ‘ What do you think of that? What the—how the—”’ “Oh, you got to hand it to him for a Look, Mr. Par- GEomichbooks (E) im