Argosy All-Story Weekly, November 13, 1920 — page 135: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A JOB FOR MR. FINNEY. “ Hello, Pharaoh, old man!” I said. “ How do, Mr. Parker,’ he mumbled. He was looking awful glum. ‘Heard anything of Jake Finney since I was here last?” “Sure!” replied Doolittle. Been back some time.” ‘“So the Germans didn’t pot him after all, eh?” I said. “ Well, I’m glad of that.” : Well, I ain't!” snarled Pharaoh, look- ing more cross-eyed than ever. With that he walked out of the shop, letting the screen door go to with a slam, and disappeared up the street. ‘“Hoity toity!” I said. ‘“What’s up? Jake and Pharaoh had a falling out?” Old man Doolittle chuckled as he tucked a towel beneath my. chin and prepared to strop his razor. ‘‘ Well, Pharaoh had, any- how. -He had a falling out with a number of folks. It was about a girl. Jake and Pharaoh give me the details between ’em.” “Oh, a girl, eh?” I mumbled, through the lather which covered my mouth. “Yes,” went: on Doolittle, “old man Spiffel’s daughter, Daisy. Him that has the truck farm just outside of town. She used to wait on table and wash dishes at the American House. You remember her.”’ “Why, yes,” I said. “ She’s an awful big girl, isn’t she? last time I saw her.” “That’s her,” said Doolittle. bigger than ever now. ‘““It was the war started the whole thing, just like it started a lot of other things. When the war broke out, Pharaoh, he got scared for fear he’d have to go, though any- body would ’a’ known he wouldn’t with them bum lamps of hisn. How he’s ever shaved his customers all these years without cutting their throats is a mystery to me. But being so used to his squint he never noticed it no more, he had an idea nobody else did, and felt sure they’d take him for the army. So he decided to get en- gaged to a girl. Then in case he was taken he could marry her quick, and maybe get out of going after all. ‘Well, there’s lots of Se in Emmetts- burg, about four to every man, and that’s about the only reason Pharaoh, cock-eyed as he was, and tight as a drum, didn’t have ‘“ He’s back! ‘“ And she’s At least, she was the 413 more trouble getting one. And he wouldn’t ‘a’ got the one he did get if he hadn’t ’a’ been so anxious to get engaged prompt, him thinking the draft was liable to grab him any second; for anybody knows that even if a girl 7s anxious, she likes to let on she ain’t, and wants to be coaxed some before she says yes. So, as I says, wishing to get the thing over with, he hooks up with Daisy Spiffel. “Now, daisies are right hardy sort of things, and Daisy Spiffel was as hardy as any of ‘em. Ii she hadn’t ’a’ been she couldn’t ’a’ washed dishes at the American House; and her heart was as hardy as the rest of her. After she got started loving Pharaoh Evans she loved him like a kid loves candy, and if you’ve ever tried to take candy away from a kid, you know what I mean, ‘Pharaoh, he didn’t mind her loving him that way as long as-the war kept up, but after it stopped he begun to search about in his mind for a way to get out of it. The thought of marrying Daisy always had give him the cold chills, but the idea of marry- ing her, or anybody else, on the wages I paid him, pretty near give him hysterics. ‘So he kept.a-fretting, and a-worrying, and a-stewing hisself up, trying to find a way out of his trouble, but he couldn’t hit on a thing that he felt would appeal to Daisy. “Then Jake Finney come home from France, and one of the first things he done was to come into the shop to see if he could get his old chair back. And the next thing he done was to notice how kind of miserable Pharaoh looked, and he says to him: ‘ Ain’t you well, Pharaoh?’ “Oh, so-so,’ says Pharaoh. ‘ But say, Jake, vou look fine!’ ‘Well, Jake did look fine. He’d ought to, he said, after what he’d been put through in the army. But he wasn’t feeling so fine, for he hadn’t no job, and he hadn’t no cash, having stopped in New York and blowed it all in, so what about getting his’ old chair once more? “Sorry, Jake,’ I says, ‘ but we ain’t do- ing hardly anything nowadays. Living is got so fierce folks are letting their whiskers grow to hide the worried looks on their GComichoo (@) cS