The Argosy — page 218: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Philosopher. 203 acted as a philosopher, and made the best of it. He would, however, occasionally complain to the Vicar. ‘All sound and no sense, sir,” he would say. ‘The children have ears and eyes, and learn by sound and sight. They read, and don’t understand. Just as well teach colts and calves.” ‘But you have capital English, Azy,” consoled the Vicar. “T am doing my best, sir. But there is Nadolig, clerk, who is arguing with me about the pronounciation, till one would think he was born in London. He, indeed! who is calling it ‘The Combination Service,’ and saying, ‘A light to lighten the Genteels.’” “Oh, Azy; we talk better English than the cockneys,” said the Vicar, who rather looked down on the citizens, as country-people will. ‘But what were those mistakes the children made ?” ‘Why, sir, I asked Mary Jones, saddler, the other day, what is ‘To fare sumptuously ?’? and she answered, ‘Rice pudding with currants.’ ” “And a very good fare, too, Azy, when it is well boiled. What else?” said the Vicar. ‘‘T had been explaining faith to Ben Jenkins, Red Cow, by various illustrations in English and Welsh, and then, says I, ‘Now, what is faith, Ben?’ ‘Toffy, sir,’ says he.” ‘Ha, ha! Any other eatable?” laughed the Vicar. ‘T put it to Jonathan, The White Horse, ‘ What are human beings ?’ and he did answer quite smart, ‘I am knowing broad beans, and kidney beans, but not human beans.’ ” “JT am afraid you teach them through their stomachs, Azy,” said the Vicar. - “By no means, sir. They think in Welsh and answer in English.’ I was giving a little exposition of ancient history one day, and says I, of a sudden, ‘ Now, Nanno Bryngoch, what’s the female of hero ?’ ‘Shero,’ cries she, quite imperative.” ‘“And very shrewd, too. Why, Azy, man, they’re getting on in their English. Anything else ?” “Well, sir, perhaps ’twas a difficult question, but then I asked her what was ramparts? ‘A place to keep rams in,’ answers she, like a shot.” ‘““Shrewd girl, that Nanno Bryngoch. We’re a clever people, Azy. Tell me another story.” | ‘“‘Y’m ashamed to say that I put the question to Martha, the Shop, ‘Why were Adam and Eve turned out of Paradise ?’ and her answer was, ‘ To clean it.’” ‘‘ Cat after kind, Azy. Why, her mother turns her out twenty times a day to clean up,” said the Vicar, with a hearty laugh. ‘‘ We shall have a good report, after all, when the Examiner comes.” ‘““Ah! when he comes!” sighed Azy; for the Examiner was his nightmare. ‘Why, sir, the children don’t understand a word he says. How should they? He asks questions as long and hard as a crocodeel.” a CONnRICLOOKS.EO