Argosy, Vol. 1 (1882) — page 324: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“HIS LORDSHIP.”’ seemed to have no friends or acquaint- ances near enough to visit him. With the other ranch owners he had very little to do; on their part they couldn’t stand a man who wore a single barreled eyeglass and dressed like a monkey. “We herders were a wild set, and the sight of ‘His Lordship’ was like a red rag to a bull to us. We openly scoffed at him as he rode by, and finally, after a very hilarious meeting one night on the range, Terry Braddock and your humble servant were appointed as a committee to interview the English- man. ‘“ It was a most impudent thing to do, but Terry and I were about of an age and as rattle brained a pair as you could find. “We rode over to his ranch the next day, dismounted at the door, and knocked. Chumley had a doorbell rigged, but we ignored that, and rapped loud enough to raise the dead. “A solemn looking old fellow—a typical English butler, who aspirated his ‘h’s’ in a truly wonderful style— answered our summons, and without betraying the least surprise ushered us into the reception room. “The furnishings were something gorgeous—that is, for a Southwestern ranch—and I thought I was back in Boston again. But Terry and I deter- mined not to appear overawed. “He rather overdid the matter, I thought, for he planted himself at once in a great stuffed chair, rumpling up the rug under his boot heels. “Your cards, sirs,’ demanded the butler stiffly. “* Don’t carry such weapons. It’s against the law,’ Terry said, with an in- solent laugh. ‘ Just tell “ His Lord- ship ” to trot in here, that’s all, mister.’ “ “Yes, tell His Royal Nibs that we want to see him,’ I added, as the astonished flunkey continued to stare at us. “*Sirl’ exclaimed the scandalized butler, ““Come, friend, you git and find QA ‘ 315 your master,’ I said, more sternly, ad- vancing a step toward him. “ At that moment the door opened and the master of the ranch appeared. ‘* He was dressed in a suit of clothes that looked as though they had just come out of a London shop, and the everlasting eyeglass was carefully screwed into place. _Aw—Jerome, you may go,’ re- marked ‘ Elis Lordship,’ staring coldly at us, but speaking to the butler. “The old fellow obsequiously with- drew, and the Englishman addressed us again. “ “What can I—aw—do for you, gentlemen?’ he inquired, without turn- ing a hair. “* We came,’ I said, determined not to be put down by his calm stare, al- though the steely glare of that eyeglass made me involuntarily shiver, ‘as a committee from the boys to place be- fore you several resolutions which were drawn up in solemn conclave - last night. ‘IT warmed up as I continued. ‘ The resolutions are as follows.’ I drew a paper from my pocket and pretended to read :- “Whereas we, the assembled rancli- ‘men and “ punchers ” of the Three X, Montmorency, and Big Canyon ranch- es, in session assembled, believing that * His Lordship,” Archibald Chumley, is making himself a nuisance, and a ‘menace to the public peace, by certain articles of dress, 1t being dangerous to pass him on the road with anything but a blind army mule, as a view of his outfit is sufficient to totally ruin the temper of any decent beast, be it there- fore *** Resolved, that this aforesaid *‘ Lord- ship ” be and is hereby commanded to leave at home, when he goes on subsc- quent hunting expeditions, certain ar- ticles of dress, namely, one dwarfed stovepipe hat and one white silk um- brella, and also, ‘“* Resolved, that he shall paste alter- nate stripes of blue and white over his COMIC DOOKS CO