The Argosy, June 1904 — page 85: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RUMBLE’S RHEUMATIC REMEDY. Bought an overcoat. One of those great, heavy, long overcoats, that, with your shoes shined, will make you look dressed up, even if your shirt is hanging by one string. Of course my shirt wasn’t—I had two strings. Then I was ready to interview Simpkins again, and I went back the day after my first visit. “T told him I knew his medicine was a fake, and that he knew it. He scowled at me. I told him about the bottle I had hought—but I didn’t tell him where I had bought it—mentioned that it had been left open, and that something— the Great Something, gentlemen—had dropped into it; something that, added to the ingredients already in the medi- cine, would make a compound that would cure rheumatism, surely and without fail. “ He declared that they were doing making barrels of money. “ But I pointed out how much more could be made if he had a medicine that would really cure; a medicine that in it- self would create a demand—advertis- ing hardly necessarv-—houschold word —-babies ery for it—all that, you know. And I wound up by demanding— ves sir, demanding—that when the use of my formula was begun, the firm be changed into a corporation, and that one-forth of the entire stock be issued to me. “No, I don’t guess I needed any nerve food along about that time. But even if I didy’t have on a whole shirt, [ had on that big overcoat, and it gave me lots of moral support. Besides, I Anew I had a good thing. * But I couldn’t budge him. Natur- ally. Not on the first try. Didn’t expect it. But never give up, you know. “YT went back to my office and pre- pared an advertisement something like this: ‘ Rumble’s Rheumatic Remedy. A Company for the Manufacture of this Remedy is Now Being Formed. Twenty- Five Thousand Dollars has Already Been Subseribed—Confidently Belicved an Annual Dividend of Ten per cent will be Patd—Come Quick so you Won’t be Crowded.’ "Oh, L£ tell vou I turned out a rip- snorter; what I have quoted is simply a rough draft from memory, and does not PRODUCED BY UNZ.ORG aye do justice to the beauty of the original, as they say in the picture catalogues. “Who subscribed the twenty-five thousand dollars? Why, I did. Nothing wrong about that, was there? Ifa [cl- low can’t subscribe to his own company, whose can he subscribe to? “ But I didn’t expect to sell the stock. Of course not—but I wanted to make Sumpkins think I could—and he rose to the bait like a cat-fish. “* Asked me to come to see him. “T got busy, arranged with a friend for desk-room in his office for a day or two, and then sent word to Simpkins that I was very much engaged, but that if he wanted to see me he might call at my suite of offices in the Highscraper Building. Of course I realized that my old hall room wouldn’t have impressed anybody. “Simpkins came all right, and I re- ceived him in the atmosphere of soft carpets, pictures on the walls, ting-a- lings, roll tops, and all that. ‘And my overcoat. I should be an in- grate if I should fail to give that con- cealer of my sartorial defects due credit. T didn’t take the coat off—that would have been disastrous—threatened with erip you know; and as I sat in front of that big mahogany desk, I tell you I made a pretty good front. “What! Pasadena already? And you boys want to get off and see the geysers ? lot water instead of hot air, eh? “ Well, there’s not much more to tell, any way. Simpkins sulked a little, but Rumble had his hooks into him, and he just had to come. That old laboratory over the drug store was the beginning of Rumble’s Rheumatic Remedy, and of the success of Rumble—a success that I may say has relieved the anguish of thousands, has made the lame to walk, the halt to run, and proved a boon in- deed to peor humanity; see Circular G-133.” So pleased was Rumble with his tale, and his manner of telling it, that he con- cluded with a smile at his own expense. The thin man had been listening in- tently: and now as he threw away his cigarette and leaned forward to make the inquiry, his face was fox-like: * And—er—cr—Rumble, I say, what was it that dripped from the pipe?” COIN Ghoo S CO@ ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED