The Argosy, June 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

490 man, bent upon getting as much time as possible. “Yes, sir,” cried the other, who, now that he had found his voice, seemed de- termined to make the most of it. “ Do- ing here in my house. Are you aware that this is my house? ” “Your house? Oh—yes—certain- lv,” assented Mr. Wonderman, mindful of his wife’s adimonition. “Then, sir,’ shouted the enraged owner, striking the table such a crash- ing blow that the guests pushed back their chairs in unison, “ L ask you once more: what are you doing here?” In view of his previous admission, Alr. Wonderman found some diffeulty iv offering a satisfactory explanation. “ We-—we ee you wouldn’t nind,” he nard wea. kly. coothing i ciivenee, produced much the came effect as throw! ing a stick of cdyna- mite into a burning house, Mr. Merridew flung the last rag of solf-restraint to the winds, and, reg ‘ard- Jess of the presenee of the ladies, CX- ploded in a burst of invective and pro- fanity which revealed an amazing fer- tility of expression. His attitude also became so threat- ening that Mr. Wonderman discrectly dropped his napkin over the carving knife and possessed himself of the handle. The indignant man had just entered for the third time on a minute analysis of Mr. Wonderman’s character and per- sonal appearance when his cloquence reeeived a rude check. Tlis arms, which he was brandishing wildly, were seized from behind, and, turning his head from side to side lke an enraged bull, he found himself im the grasp of ~ bluc-eoated figures, who firmly admonished him to keep quiet. TIncensed beyond all bounds at this interference, he made a desperate effort to rclease himself, and for the next few munites Mr. Wonderman’s guests were treated to the sight of a wrestling match in which numbers and_ profes- sional skill were pitted against blind, unreasoning fury. In spite of his age, Mr. Merridew was no mean antagonist, and it was not till PRODUCED BY UNZ.ORG THE ARGOSY. one of the policemen had administered several sharp raps on his head that a pair of handeuffs were snapped on his wrists and he was brought heavily to the floor, where he still kept up the strugele ‘and continued to roar forth threats and maledictions. “ Better sit on his legs,” one of the guests, suggested vigorously rr ubbing one of his own which he had incau- trously ventured within the zone of eontlict. One of the policemen acting on this hint, Mv. Merridew was finally reduced toa state of quiescence. “ni sure £ owe you a most humble apology,” Mr. Wonderman said, ad- dressing his astounded guests, “ but the fact of the matter is, this ‘gen tle- nan is the uncle of our landlord. He is mentally unbaianced and has broken out of the asylum. He fancies he o ws this house. Our Jandlord told us of his affliction, and asked us not to mention it. In justice to myself, however, I feel bound to explain. Shall I call up the asvlum ? ” he as kead, addressing the officers. “They notified ’em from the sta- tion,’ repled one ef the constables. ad They'll be here before long wi th a straitjacke t. Ieep stil, you ’—this in response to a spasmodic movement of Mr. Merridew’s legs. Physical exhaustion had consider- ably subdued Mr. Merridew’s frenzy, and he had listened open-mouthed to Mr. Wonderman’s explanation. “There is some extraordinary mis- take here,” he said, impressed by the other’s tone of conviction. “ve never been inside an insanc rs am im my life, though this sort of thing is enough to send aman there. [ve just got back from Exurone.” “Phat’s what his nephew told us,” sald Mr. Wonderman in an audible aside. “Supposed to be traveling in Europe, were his words.” “T haven’t got a nephew nearer than California,” shouted the other. “ Send for one of my neighbors to identify me, and get off my legs. D’ye want to stop the circulation ° ~ “Will you keen ’em still if T do?” asked the policeman dubiously. Having received the desired assur- COMmilc|ooo CO ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED