The Argosy, January 1906 — page 87: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HARMLESS LOT ON A RAMPAGE, “Poor Sam’s clear gone!” muttered the visitor: under his breath. “ Don’t you remember me, Sam? Tm George Titus! George Titus, your old part- ner. Don’t you remember the iittle . grocery storé we used to run together on Seventh Street?” And then to bring Sam to his senses, the visitor indiscreetly put his hands upon the old fellow’s shoulders and shook him, exclaiming: “Sam, Sam! You must remember me!” To see President McKinley thus rudely jostled was more than Admiral Dewey could stand. =1o2arms! To * He’s a Spaniard! S ! 2? - “No!” shouted the Monument. “ He’s an Anarchist. He’s got a bomb! He’s going to blow me up and kill the President. J’ll fall on him!” Bewildered and alarmed, the visitor backed off. The Life-Preserver walked over to him, touched his arm, and whis- pered: “Say, you’d better go. I never saw the men act like this before. I’m all right, but the rest are crazy, and you'd better take my advice.” “ But they told me at the office that none of the men over here were vio- lent,” remonstrated the gentleman. “Well, maybe they ain’t. But youd better se Captain Hackett’s sentence was not finished. The Cannon, with a “ Boom! Boom!” had shot straight out of his chair and bumped into the stomach of the visitor, throwing him to the ground. “Fire upon the enemy, men!” cried Admiral Dewey. The Warship, the Torpedo-Boat, and the Monitor jumped up from their chairs and rushed at the stout man. “ T’ll fall on him,” shouted the Wash- ington Monument, and, suiting the action to the word, he dashed down the steps and fell over the struggling body of the visitor. 3 In the twinkling of an eye, eleven harmless old men had been changed into raving lunatics. They had labored so long under the delusions that they were admirals and warships and other things on the look- arms!” he eried. He’s a traitor! A 269 out for an enemy, that now, with that imaginary enemy in sight in the person of the visitor, the pent-up fury of years burst out. Fortunately, they had nothing which might have been used as a weapon, or the visitor would undoubtedly have been killed upon the spot. As it was, they kicked him, punched him, and scratched him with their nails. The Washington Monument had got the corpulent gentleman by the throat and was choking hm. The unfortu-~ nate man was already purple in the face when the Life-Preserver sud- denly jumped into the mélée. “Tm a life-preserver,” he cried, “ and I’ve got to save that man’s life! you lunatics!” Right and left his fists shot out, fell- ing the men about him. He grasped the Monument by the legs, threw him over, and forced him to relax his grasp upon the visitor’s throat. Then, fighting the men off -ith one hand, and helping the stranger to his feet with the other, he cried: “Run for your life, mister, and tell the guards to come, quick.” The stout man ran off as one pos- sessed, and was well on his way toward the administration building before the madmen realized it. Their fury increased by the escape of their intended victim, the old men who had not been felled by the fists of Cap- tain Hackett now turned upon him. They all rushed at him from in front, with the exception of the Torpedo-Boat. He came behind and landed a blow upon the back of the captain’s head. That blow brought the Life-Preserver to his senses instead of knocking him out. His head reeled with pain; stars flashed before his eyes; and then the life-preserver idea was gone forever. He was no longer made of cork. He was a living, breathing, fighting man again; he was Captain Tom Hackett, of the Three Boys, in the midst of a muti- nous crew. Right and left, forward and back, his fists shot out. Oh, how he longed for a belaying pin! Down went the Monu- ment! Another well-directed blow, and President McKinley tottered and fell. comicbook Away,.